"Come" said the porch, come and sit awhile.
Feel the gentle breezes, it will make me smile.
Take a good book out, leave the work behind
Come and sit awhile, if you could be so kind...

"Come" said the porch, recline on my chair.
Take a deep breath in, smell the fresh clean air.
"Come" said the porch, I am waiting for you,
The chores will be there later, let me do my work for you.
by me

Wayne Muller, in "Sabbath, Restoring the Sacred Rhythm of Rest", said it this way:
Sabbath challenges the theology of progress by reminding us that we are already and always on sacred ground. The gifts of grace and delight are present and abundant; the time to live and love and give thanks and rest and delight is now, this moment, this day. Feel what heaven is like; have a taste of eternity. Rest in the arms of the divine. We do not have miles to go before we sleep. The time to sleep, to rest, is now. We are already home. p. 79.

My husband left for a 8 day business trip this morning. On Sunday. That makes much less "sabbath rest" for me and for him. The kids and I are packing up in the next hour and going to my dad's home at the lake, to spend about 36 hours fishing, swimming, paddle-boating, sitting around a bonfire and resting.

I pray a blessed Sabbath rest for all you readers out there. I pray that God ministers to your spirit with his own, that you feel loved and redeemed and hope-filled in whatever way you observe Sabbath, by the grace of God.

It's friday morning. I love fridays. Most people do. I'm taking monday off as well this week so I have 4 days sprawled out before me and the forcast is for sunshine. Thank you Lord! I just read the Purpose Driven Life Daily Devotional and it encouraged rest and listening to God, being quiet for moments every day. I did that yesterday, even in my busy work and child-taxi day but I really look forward to doing it without the tyranny of the urgent hanging over my head all day long.

Lord Jesus, increase my awareness of you in all things today. Heighten my senses so that I hear the sweetness, not just the noise, see the beauty, not just the problem, taste the bounty,not just satisfy the hunger, feel rather than touch, smell the fragrance of the presence of You, not just the flowers...

Here are a few things I learned today.
1. Just because I had a dream hearing our social worker's voice on the phone telling us we had a baby doesn't make it happen in real life.
2. Even in the Heartland there are single moms who carry children on their backs as they "walk beans" which is a fancy way of saying pull weeds for farmers. Its not just a third world picture.
3. A loving husband can be stressed to the max at work, juggle school board commitments, actively parent and do the dishes all at the same time while I take my "happy pill walk."
4. Siblings who tend to bicker and fight can willingly share a chair for a good movie.
5. If you give a five-year old your undivided attention for an hour, he may fall asleep in your arms.

If there are any local readers who have access to these items, please let me know. I have a client who is setting up a home for the first time and they are experiencing financial hardship. She's a young mom with a 5 month old baby. She needs a stroller, a high chair and a dining room set.

We have no adoption news to report. We hope and pray that God is working it all out and that when we get a call for a child, we will have been prepared. Roger is really busy with work and is making plans to travel again on Sunday for a week. We're sorting out babysitters, schedules and "I'm bored" lists. :) Oh, how I wish I could just be home with the kids myself. If you ask them, they would say, "Oh how glad we are that mom goes to work so we can have fun babysitters, go to nana's house and eat cookies all day and not do chores!"...its all about perspective, I guess.

Memorial holiday

My family is all tucked into bed and so ends the Memorial holiday weekend. As I walk through the house, picking up spare pieces of sandwiches, kleenex, etc. and shutting off lights I think to myself...who made this aweful mess? It's as if every inch of this home was attacked by someone or something...I wish I could say that I just cannot go to bed until it is clean...I would like to be the girl who says that so that in the morning I could wake up to "aaahhhh"...but I'm not. I look around and am so overwhelmed that I just collapse in this computer chair and complain with words...tomorrow will be "arg!" instead.

We started a project saturday morning, cleaning out a storage room and it involved trips to the second hand store, the garbage and the hardware store for paint...now the paint is dry but the "storage" is still scattered everywhere. Rather than finish it we chose to escape Sunday after church and went out for a nice family dinner, then to the zoo, then to the book store and by the time we got home we were spent (literally). Today we did the parade, I took a loooooonnnnggg walk in the sun and then read my latest novel (The Kite Runner-I know, I'm really behind on that one) while sitting on the porch with the breeze blowing and silent bliss...then we grilled out at my parents. It was a great weekend. Roger and the boys golfed...but this house has paid a dear price for my negligence. Tomorrow I not only need to gear up for work again but also deal with this house and deal with children home for the summer now that school is done. How can I feel rested and overwhelmed all at once? Oh yeah...its called being a mom.

I covet prayers for Roger's nephew Phil who was deployed to Afghanistan yesterday. He's a newlywed and we also pray for his wife, Andrea. Godspeed, Phil.

Lots of people have asked about our adoption lately. Guess I haven't addressed it much. We know that our book is shown and so we hope and pray and dream and worry...then no "call" so we just sigh and settle in and wait. We know that God has the right child planned for us and our job was to move forward, do the paperwork and set the stage for God to perform His sovereign miracles and connect us. Today I was out for a walk, I sometimes think of it as my "happy pill" time...and I was praying/talking/dreaming...is there terminology for this type of intercession? Anyway, on this walk, I was breathing and healing and restoring myself, step by step. I saw this turtle dove in a window of a barn and I thought to myself and prayed, "God, if this one particular adoption is for us, make the bird nod its head up and down. If not, make it go side to side." As I said this I was struck by how rediculous that prayer was...I was immediately convicted of the trivial "test" and said "delete that, Lord!' I tell many people not to do that very thing, to look for signs and set God up to be a fortune-teller. It seems to just be fodder for Satan to mess with me. I knew it but I did it anyway cause I so desparately want to know something and have a plan for this child coming! So I repented and was forgiven, all the time, walking, breathing, healing...and I felt God saying over me that this is a test of my faith...For the testing of your faith brings...and I couldn't remember the rest of the verse but I knew that this season was to test my faith and that was encouraging because if God is testing my faith he means to increase it and to glory in it. This is a season to test my faith. I don't know what that means in practical terms. I trust that if we are walking the path God has laid, that it will continue and if not, that He will close doors or change the path. And I just keep walking, breathing and healing...can't wait to get up tomorrow morning and if there is no rain, I'll head out again.

Full armor of God Litany

Indulge me as I attempt to write out (i.e. copy) the litany written by Al Banstra (a teacher at Sioux Center Christian) that we read monday night at the program. It bears sharing and I hope it blesses you, readers.

Leader: Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his might power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.
Adults: For the struggle is not against people who wear skin-terrorists with bombs, politicians with selfish motives, bosses with control issues, or neighbors with nicer things.
Students: Our struggle is not against other kids-athletes who win at all costs, bullies who make us feel worthless, or classmates who get higher grades, more friends, or newer toys.
Leaders: We battle against the evil one and his minions, who know our weaknesses, and who are awefully good at making stuff look better than God.
Everyone: We fight against the one who tempts us to take care of ourselves first, to escape our problems with drugs or credit cards, to fight for our way instead of talking it through, and to treat people as though they were things.
Leader: Therefore, suit up in the full armor of God, so that when the crafty one comes enticing, you may be able to stand your ground. Stand firm, buckled with the belt of truth, your hearts covered with the breastplate of righteousness, and your feet ready with the gospel of peace.
Children: With God's help we will speak truth in love when we talk, type, or text. We will win by listening before we speak, by showing kindness to those who can't pay us back, and we will forgive when we feel like fighting.
Adults: Others will see our sincerity; they will notice the way we handle ourselves, even when we don't think anyone is watching, they will be inspired by our mercy,
Everyone: And God will get the glory.
Leader: In addition to all of those things, take up the shield of faith. You need it to deflect the temptations of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
Everyone: With the help of God's Spirit, we can be sure that the things we hope for are much better than what we can see right now. We will wear the helmet of salvation, thankful that God's own Son paid for it. And we will match the devil's jabs with the word of God, hidden in our hearts.
Leader: And pray in the Spirit, whether you're working, resting, or playing. Pray about everything. Stay focused, and pray for other believers too.
Everyone: Awakened by God living in us, we will pray for strength against temptation; we will ask God to open our eyes to his glory and his goodness, to trust only in what he has promised us.
Leader: We can do these things only through Christ, who gives us strength. Let us pray.

Bible gateway.com had this vers of the day and I want to share it. Romans 15:5-6....."May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."

It's wednesday and its windy and maybe others out there feel the need for God's endurance and encouragement today! I do have to say that I will be floating in the wind today. God is in the business of miracles and building bridges and pathways and walls of protection and setting angels and guardians and intercessors all around us all the time. This may or may not be the day that we learn who or when we get to adopt but it will be for someone, I am sure! God's heart is for helping one another and someone helped us financially and spiritually this week. Thank you so much!

My kids had a music program tonight closing their theme this year at Christian school which was Put on the full armor of God. I was annoyed going into it that "school" had to squeeze one more thing in before the year ends this friday and I was stressed, trying to fit it in with violin lessons, soccer, bedtime, etc. My in-laws suprised us by dropping in on their way home from Kansas City and were able to tag along to all the events of the afternoon...my husband is in Ohio working his tail off...we landed at the armor of God program hot, wind-blown and flustered with Jeremiah not feeling well...just like in life, God seems to wait for that least-expected moment to break in and clear his throat and declare Himself Sovereign and present and worthy of my attention. The first song these 300-plus kids sang was The Battle Belongs to The Lord...with actions. I cannot begin to describe how it felt to watch babes in faith, bright-eyed children singing "Glory, honor, power and strength to the Lord" with arms raised and voices loudly praising...it felt like a taste of Heaven. I was touched by the power of the Holy Spirit and my eyes filled with tears and my throat tightened in awe and wonder at the Splendor of my King reflected in this Holy Choir of sweaty little kids....how I wish I had a picture!

I'm so sorry, God, that I let the things of the world keep me from reckless abandon to you. This night, this program, was a reminder not just to put on the armor of God but to encourage and inspire and glory as others do it too! These kids know more after one school year studying the Full armor of God than most adults I know. They are equipped in a way that few people I encounter daily are. Write it on their hearts, Lord! Commit it to their spirits in a powerful, deep, permanent way that lasts throughout their lives! Don't let them forget what they know today!

Tomorrow will be tough. My kids will be tired and crabby and resistant and I have to go to work. My job is rewarding and worthwhile but I am chronically behind and the weight of the work is exhausting emotionally on many days! My babysitter may have sick kids again which means I have no plan for Jeremiah who is done with preschool. Roger is gone for 3 more days before he comes home to share the load. Go ahead, Lord, clear your throat again the minute I wake up. Let me know exactly where you are so I can meet you there and not stress about the stuff that brings me down. I almost hate to stop writing cause then I have to close down this day and these rich and blessed feelings and relent to sleep and whatever tomorrow holds. Sigh.

This may be the last time my 7-year old will pose in front of tulips for a picture.

Saturday we went to the spring Tulip Festival (my 3 kids and the mandatory "extra Kredit"). Claire's friend's name is Taylor. There just always seems to be an extra Kredit along. We did the parade, snacks, one ride each (including mom and Isaac on the scrambler...oh my) and called it a day. Iowa in the Spring when the wind is low and the sun is high is really a glorious thing.

Here's my Jeremiah boy at preschool graduation. He is the sweetest 5-year old ever. When graduation was done he asked, "Can I go to kindergarten now?" Sorry, babe, gotta wait for August! He is so ready for school and tries so hard to keep up with his big brother and sister. He is the joy of my heart!

Habakkuk

"Though the fig tree does not blossom, and no fruit is on the vines; though the produce of the olive fails, and the fields yield no food; though the flock is cut off from the fold, and there is no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, and makes me tread upon the heights." Habakkuk 3:17-19

So, even when there is disappointment, lack of patience, failure, division, confusion, a spiritual beating while I sleep or when I wake, whether there is a dry spell or a desert of thirsting for the HOly Spirit....yet will I praise the Lord and lift Him up because my salvation cannot be changed and my God will always press in to make me stronger and quicker and lighter and smarter and braver to reach higher and higher and higher that I am where I now stand.

I won't give up and I won't give in. I will always fix my eyes on Jesus who is the author of my faith. I will continue to lay down and sleep and get up and work to the glory of God. I had bad dreams last night that were scary and threatening in ever-more subtle ways as satan tries to get under my skin. Sorry, its just not gonna happen. The word of God is powerful and light and mighty and worthy of battle. Every time.

"I feel that we too often focus only on the negative aspect of life-on what is bad. If we were more willing to see the good and the beautiful things that surround us, we would be able to transform our families. From there, we would change our next-door neighbors and then others who live in our neighborhood or city. We would be able to bring peace and love to our world, which hungers so much for these things."---Mother Theresa.

I love this picture...I took it on the northern coast last year. I snapped dozens of shots of waves crashing and this was the best one I got. Can't you just smell the sea and hear the splash?

exhale

So the talk is done. It was a beautiful ceremony steeped in tradition and meaning and it was such an honor to be a part of it. I think God gave me this chance to see it through these young budding nurses' eyes because maybe I didn't take it as seriously as I should have the first time around. I talked about the difference between nursing as a job and nursing as a calling. I know alot more now than I used to. One young girl told me she would remember what I said and it would make a difference for her. No greater praise than that!

Thank you if you read this and prayed before the event. It went well and I am pleased, relieved and elated that tomorrow morning I can wake up and not think through what I may or may not say...for the first time in months! I get to be home with Jeremiah tomorrow and just move a bit slower, take more deep breaths and relax.

I am ending this day so grateful that God has answered my prayers in this. I pray often that He will use me, make me a vessel, work through me and I do my best to move through the day doing the most good and least harm. Being invited to give this address and share my thoughts and experience in Christian Nursing is so affirming to me! Someone saw Jesus working through me as I did the mundane tasks of my work day. I celebrated the love of Jesus in a relationship with difficult young women and chose to love them and reach out to them and try to make a difference in a few lives and someone saw that it was worth imparting to others. God is always watching, always helping, always moving and always working out His plan for His purposes.
I am so glad He is always doing this because I am often dropping the ball, screwing up or just plain missing the mark...yet he uses me anyway and makes it good. Wow. He has been so good to me.

prayers, of course

I'm asking readers for prayers tonight. Our profile book is officially going around the country now to be shown to prospective birth moms. We are choosing to open ourselves up a bit to whatever God may do and we trust Him implicitly, yet I guess the prayers are for us, that we may be calm and have blessed assurance in His timing and provision. It is so good to be in the hands of God and yet it requires so much submission and yielding, in the big and small things. Pray that our family willingly, gloriously, spectacularly (probably not a word but oh well) yields.

I also ask for prayers for my heart and mind in the next day as I am giving an address, a talk tomorrow night to a group of college students graduating from nursing school this week. I hope to be encouraging and inspiring and interesting and give them something they can take and plant as seeds in their nursing careers that will bloom and grow to glorify God. I don't want to preach or even teach, but to pass on some of the seeds of abundant life I have experienced in Christian nursing and in being in a relationship with God and others. I get pretty nervous when I speak and that's ok as long as I can be clear and articulate and do a good job. Thank you, readers, in advance, for bathing this talk in prayer. May God use my words as a vessel for His!

I want to lift up Sarah's Covenant Homes children and the recent surgeries some of the kids are undergoing. I pray for their rapid healing and the supernatural peace that comes from being in the hands of God. I pray the children will be soothed, comforted and healed in Jesus' name and that Sarah and her team will be blessed and strengthened and empowered to do this monumental task of raising these special kingly tennants. To God be the glory!

mother's day quote

I wrote the exerpt from the book incorrectly. There was a typo in the translation I quoted. The words are from the book "Stepping Forward" which I do not have but intend to get my hands on as soon as possible.

"She says I shall now have one mouth the more to fill and two feet the more to shoe (not show), more distrubed nights, more laborious days, and less leisure or visiting, reading, music, and drawing. Well! This is one side of the story, to be sure, but I look at the other. Here is a sweet, fragrant mouth to kiss; here are two more feet to make music with their pattering about my nursery. Here is a soul to train for God; and the body in which it dwells is worthy all it will cost, since it is the abode of a kingly tenant."

Mothers Day

I have an assumption that bloggers tend to be mothers. That said, I wish you all Happy Mothers' Day. Whether a mother or not, if you live and breathe you have had a mother. It strikes me that blogging is a new way to make the internet relational. How feminine! I've had thoughts today that brought me to tears regarding my mom, myself as a mom, the birth mom who will place her child with us, my grandma, my step-sister whose mom died in a car accident a few years ago...my daughter who will one day be a mom, Lord willing.

My mom is amazing. She knows what it takes to be a mom. She affirms me as a mom. We respect one another. Tonight, I was not able to go to church cause my son was sick. My husband shared some thoughts to honor his mom, ,my mom went to church and came over after the service. She brought the following words home with her that were shared by another dad. What she said to me was, "I've heard these words come from your mouth before. It made me think of you when they were read so I asked the dad if I could take this home for you." It is so good to have a mom. Here is what the paper read:

"She says I shall now have one mouth the more to fill and two feet the more to show, more disturbed nights, more laborious days, and less leisure or visiting, reading, music, and drawing. Well! This is one side of the story, to be sure, but I look at the other. Here is a sweet, fragrant mouth to kiss; here are two more feet to make music with their pattering about my nursery. Here is a soul to train for God; and the body in which it dwells is worthy all it will cost, since it is the abode of a kingly tenant."

I love that I have a mom who can capture the thoughts of my heart and the fears and hopes and unnamed things and bring them to me as we share time and tears and laughs and a glass of wine on Mother's Day.

all in a day's work

Today was a day that I would love to write about but I cannot because of client confidentiality. I will say that I did 8 home visits in 10 hours which is a new record. The visits typically last 45 minutes to an hour and we cover lots of topics including growth and development, child abuse prevention, health promotion and positive parenting. We talk about various relationships in these families and how to make them as healthy as possible. Today I saw clients in the town with the toughest stories, the most poverty, the lowest job and high school graduation rate, as far as I know. It was a really long day. I love these moms and babes with Jesus' love. I bear with them in love because they deserve to have someone walk along side them and encourage them to reach higher, to take hold of the abundant life God wants for all his children. I wish they had all been my children in my home, being read to before bed and kissed and hugged over and over throughout the day, just because the stood before me and were drawn in to mama arms. I pray that God, through His awesome and mystifying Holy Spirit will reach out and draw each one in to His arms for kisses, for hugs, for encouragement and companionship. In all the ways I cannot fix what is wrong, God can. I love that I love this God. I love that I work for this Sovereign savior and friend. I love that I serve and worship and pledge allegience to this grand Abba, who is the Beginning and the End. Lord, place your hand over these precious souls and draw them in to your perfect arms. Kiss and hug and love them as you do me over and over again.

Oak Grove

Oak Grove is one of my favorite places on earth. It is a park with hiking trails, forests, a river and picnic spots and camp grounds. It is eternal to me because I remember going there as a child with my family, having picnics with friends and family. I had a date with God there a couple of years ago. I wrote about that separately, it was so monumental. I like to take my kids there and today we went for the first time this season. All winter long I went just to the top shelf, sat in my car or on a frozen picnic table and gazed at frozen forestry...week after week, going there to pray or just be silent before God...today we got to celebrate spring and being alive and healthy and it was awesome! My 3 kids and niece Brooklyn and I spent 3 hours exploring trails, turning over rocks and logs and parts of dead animals...yes, seriously, bones, dead snakes, furry tails...its the forrest, for cryin out loud! We took lots and lots of pictures...hope to post those when my hubby returns from his men's retreat tomorrow...and we just breathed in the freshness of springtime in bloom, rolling clouds across blue sky, crisp breezes and sun...oh the sun! My melatonin and vitamin D factor are super-surging...aaahhhhhh.