sing

Do not fear, O Zion; do not let your hands grow weak. The Lord, your God, is in your midst, a warrior who gives victory; he will rejoice over you with gladness, he will renew you in his love; he will exult over you with loud singing as on a day of festival. Zephaniah 3:16-17

It's sunday again and as many know, I try hard to rest and enjoy on sundays. Today was a bit crazier, but we still found ways to make it feel right with the Lord. I got up early enough to go for a nice long walk and listened to some great contemplative worship stuff, then got the crew up and ready for church. After church we had a quick lunch of sandwiches (rather than the sunday noon feast) and then the kids and I took off for an afternoon hiking at my favorite park. Roger stayed back to nap and do some work stuff in a quiet house. We hiked in the beautiful hills all afternoon, came home and ordered pizza so again, I didn't have to cook! My bible study girls hosted a share and prayer time for me and it was so special and dear and necessary to sit with these girls who know me so well and have them pray over our trip, the adoption itself and the kids staying back here. Thank you so much...it meant more than you will ever realize!

Tonight we're cleaning up the house and finishing the laundry and packing...I cannot believe this is actually happening for us! Tomorrow we are leaving to go get our baby girl! Tomorrow we travel, tuesday we meet her and thursday or friday we come home. WOW!!!!! I have baby fever so bad. Since we got the call 6 days ago, my arms are just aching. I've become addicted to the smell of dreft...I'm even familiarizing myself with the art of mixing a bottle (nursed all of my other kids, never gave more than a bottle or 2 in 6 years straight!).

Little Precious Maryn, you have no idea how much we want you here. You have no idea how many people are waiting in expectation to meet you, to love you, to know you and to be a part of your life. Our family and community are thrilled with your arrival! Your birth mom could not have chosen a better name for you...

I'll probably try to post again before we leave tomorrow but if not, stay tuned! We hope to have pictures of little Precious by tuesday evening (after we have sent them to our children who deserve to see their baby sister first!)

refining me

Yesterday was a spiritual refining day for me. I couldn't say that yesterday but today I have the beauty of retrospect, hindsight, reflection. Yesterday a friend commented about the birth mom of Precious and I began to grieve for her. My mama heart and my mama head were all messed up, thinking about her and how we were coming to get her child...satan used that weak, vulnerable part of me to dash me against the rocks a bit...and I cried and prayed and talked it through with God and with those who could help me sort it out. guess where I ended up in the whole thing? Loving the birth mom. Loving her deeply and purely and really, truly understanding that she is my partner in this adoption just as much as Roger is. God, Roger, the birth mom, Precious and I are all woven together in this elaborate tapestry of feelings and dreams and experiences...and you are all threads in the tapestry with us.

I know how to pray for Precious' birth mom now. I haven't even met her yet, but I know. Yesterday, God let me walk through something very deep and close to his heart. I understand some things better-about myself and about Him...and the reward was love. That is just so like God. Always, always more love.

Our travel paperwork is all set (in record time, due to fervent prayers from all of our prayer warriors!). We may even get to come home a day or two early. I finished up my work responsibilities this afternoon and need to just pause here and honor God for all that we have experienced so far on this journey. Adoption is truly a journey. We all say it because there is no better way to explain it! We are travelers...

I need to make a list of what needs to get done, what would be nice to get done and what will not get done before we leave on Monday. I need to be near my 3 kids here and listen to them and hug and kiss them and do some fun stuff with them because I will miss them like crazy, even if its just for a few days next week.

Thank you all again for your prayers, for checking in on us via the blog, for the phone calls and for your excitement and enthusiasm for us.

grateful

Today my dear friend Lori who blogs over at "A Day in The Simple Life" took me out for lunch to celebrate our adoption with me. It is so fun to jump up and down, smile and gush about how good God is and how excited we are and all the little things happening that bless us so much. We had a great lunch and she said, "what can we do to help"...the best phrase ever passed between girlfriends...she will check in on my mom next week as mom will be super-nana with my kids...and she will make sure the house is tidied up before we come home friday evening. Friends are a gift from the Lord for sure!

Some are called to adopt, like us. Others are called to support adopters physically with acts of service or financially...still others are called to just embrace the concept, pray and intercede for us and bless families...adoption is so about who we are in relationship to Christ, the posture of it is impeccable.

We have 4 days left to Precious Maryn...4 days left to finish work, do laundry, bond with big kids, pack, pray, make phone calls and shop on line for baby stuff...I'm tired and I don't want to go to bed all at once. Tonight I went to a harp and bowl meeting, picked kids up from my sister-in-law and drove them home, snarling and growling because they didn't want to go to bed. We fought through bedtime snacks, with one in the time-out chair, one sobbing because "there is just so much going on in my mind and I can't settle down to sleep"...(9-yr old female), and one tired kindergardener with a tummy-ache...fed the bottomless pits, then shooed them upstairs to fight over teeth brushing and flossing, attempts to read the bible and pray and a very slowly read-very long Dr. Seuss book...and the children sleep.

Back downstairs to switch the laundry loads, start the sink full of dirty dishes (bedtime snack was taco meat and chips-very stinky), open my computer for an hour or 2 of charting, putting hours in and answering emails before i turn over my laptop to my replacement at work for 3 months...connect with husband who just came home from a school board meeting, finish charting, check blogs (sweet dessert indulgence for a long day) and begin to wrap up. Sigh.

All of this said, I am so very grateful. I would not rather be anyone but me tonight. Thank you Lord for answering my prayers. Make me forever grateful and increasingly joyful.

Jeremiah loved his first day of school. He made 2 new friends...but cannot remember their names. He found his big brother on the playground for all 3 recesses which helped alot. He loved lunch. His beautiful teacher provided cookies for snack at the last recess...and he and I agreed she has a very nice smile. He did say, "but mom, today was kinda freaky"...I think that was his way of saying...wow! I'm in school!...I'm in school?...mom?... He went to bed willingly and happily tonight and is ready to go again for tomorrow. Thank you Jesus!

I worked a really long day today and am mushy in my brain. A dear friend suprised me with a beautiful baby gift bag with an adorable (and tiny) outfit, diapers, wipes and baby wash. My mom purchased fabric to make a soft lovey-touchy blanket and a beautiful crochet-edged one. (My son Isaac still has his and it has been re-stitched and fixed many times...it is a fragile and cherished treasure.)

My friends are calling me, weepy and praising God for our news. I feel so loved and so blessed today. Just 2 more days of work stuff and then I can focus on the kids, the house, the travel plans...and the last leg of our journey to get our little girl! Lead the way, Lord!

Today Claire and Isaac survived their first day of school. Tomorrow is Jeremiah's first day and he has butterflies in his tummy. He's worried that he won't know what he needs to know. How does a five-year old worry like that? Dear, sweet boy...he's bright and a pleaser. He'll be fine.

We sent off some legal stuff today for our adoption. I sent lots of emails and made lots of phone calls and wandered around the house, not able to concentrate on much. I NEED to be more productive tomorrow in order to leave my job in some sort of order by friday. Trouble is, I could care less about work.

Our daughter's name is Precious Maryn. At birth she weighed 5 lbs and was 19 inches long. She was a month early. Tonight I went for a walk just to burn some nervous energy. I've been walking this path for about 5 months, praying and beseeching the Lord to make the path straight to our next child through adoption...tonight I wanted to walk the path, just to say thank you to Him. On my walk I was thinking about her being born early and I decided that God chose to bring her into the world early for me, so that I can help mold and shape her in her last month of gestation, just outside of the womb. The things that occur in development in the last month are neurological, sensory, weight gain...all stuff I can do as her new mama. Bonding and attachment in infants and young children is my passion. I cannot wait to get started with Precious.

Dear God, even now this night, whisper prayers and lullabies over her as she sleeps. Tell her in dreams she will never remember...tell her about us, about how you planned us for her...tell her how much we love her already and how excited we are to be her forever family. Tell her what our voices sound like and what we feel like when we give hugs and kisses. Tell her, Lord, even now.

a bit more info...we are planning to travel to North Carolina on Monday to pick up our new daughter...thank you already for your prayers and please continue to lift us up...I am excited and nervous and overwhelmed by the magnitude and depth of God's goodness and grace...again, we covet prayers of thanksgiving, praise, and help in this very vulnerable stage of our adoption!

prayer requests

1) first prayer request: for my kids...Claire and Isaac start school tomorrow and they are nervous and uncertain-praying for the kindness of the Lord to bless them and to make them aware of Him in all that they do tomorrow
2) second one: Jeremiah will not start school until Wednesday so he's stuck with mom tomorrow...pray that we can have a fun day together, the last one that counts me as the most important person in his day, the last one that marks him a pre-schooler, the last one where he is my baby...he enters the institution of Kindergarten on wednesday. Sigh. sniff, sniff.
3) Roger's job, that he will feel the burden lifted under the providence of God
4) our adoption...please, please pray. You don't know what to pray for because we are not ready to reveal it for a few days...just release your thoughts to the Lord and lift us up. Please. If you can do it, just hold the thoughts in your hands, lift them up to God and He will take them from you...we will keep you posted....stay tuned in...news is coming...

Ephesians 5:1,2

"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us."

This is my son Isaac's 2nd grade class verse for the year. The teacher emailed us the schedule, etc. today. This is one of my verses. My life verse is Hebrews 12:2 but this one I got from God in the past year or so. Awhile back, I was awakened to whispering, to God whispering verses to me. He gave me 3 verses. In my half-sleeping state I said, "got it, God. when I wake up I'll write them down"...but when I drifted off to sleep I lost 2 of them. When I woke up I remembered eph 1:3 but not the others. Later I got Eph 5:1,2 back from Him. Still waiting on the 3rd one. Don't know when he'll give it back to me. I missed my opportunity, and my gift and I only hope that someday He will reveal the third one to me again.

Eph 5:1, 2 is amazing. I should spend this year meditating on it with my son.

bowling

Today we accomplished great things. We sorted through all the kids clothing...and I mean all of it. They tried things on and we separated clothes into keep, dump and give away. It took all morning but the end result was organized drawers, shelves and closet space. Aaaahhhhh. The reward was a fun outing to a bowling alley at a nearby town. I think we've bowled once in the past 4 years as a family. I'm really terrible at bowling.

Jeremiah beat my score. He is five.

When we got back, a friend with 4 kids came over to go through the clothes and had great luck outfitting several of her children. By the time they were done, our supper was ready so we invited her to stay and we fed the whole crew! It was quite an evening.

Tomorrow's agenda includes weekly cleaning and if the kids help there will be more rewards...as soon as I think of them...and tomorrow is friday and I absolutely love fridays.

Sending up prayers and praises for my blogger friend Jenny at Needham 5...they accepted a referral for a daughter from India. So, so excited for them!

what in the world wednesday...and peaches

My friend Tressa blogs and has something called "wordless wednesdays" with just pictures. That is wise. she's on Katelyns Funds site, under family blogs, under Ethiopa/van voorsts. She shows beautiful pics of her beautiful family on wednesdays. i didn't realize that when i coined the phrase "what in the world wednesdays" but there you have it!

Today's "what in the world" wednesday involves sitting at a clients home at 6pm, very tired after a long day of work, and watching a wall of water come at our town under very fierce clouds and wind. They predicted hail which we did not see, thank goodness because the fields are full of corn and beans. Waves of water crashing from the sky...it was insane. Made me late for the next and final visit but that one was a joy so we ended on a good note.

I met my family at the local ATLAS picnic (ATLAS stands for attaining truth, love and self-control) and is an organization that is an amazing example of being the hands and feet of Jesus to those in the community. I am proud to be a part of it and it was a great way to end the day, seeing everyone gathered in the church (rather than the park due to the storm) and know that very intense and important connections in the body of Christ were represented there. I wish I had tons of money so I could be an appropriately generous financial contributor to ATLAS. For now they get my love, my prayers, my relational commitment and my hungry family once a year for the picnic!

Several people inquired about our adoption again tonight. I love it when people ask because then I know they are praying and aware and interested. I hate saying , "no news yet"...and depending on my mood at the time I am either very positive or really sarcastic. I managed to do both tonight because the people I was talking to know me pretty well and get it.

This morning God helped me with a visual example of doors. I read in matthew 7 about entering through the narrow gate. I prayed about that and then let God show me myself, waiting in line to enter through the narrow gate. Very few people can enter through a narrow gate at once so the rest of us have to wait and watch and wonder and learn. In this adoption, I am entering through the narrow gate. And I have to wait my turn. And the road will be hard. And there are things to see around me as I wait my turn. And as I sigh and shift my weight from side to side and look to the left and to the right and gaze with envy at those who are walking through...I am learning a whole new meaning of the word patience. It is one of the fruit of the Spirit. I've needed to grow in this fruit all my life. I am growing. I am learning. Some fruit takes time to ripen, like a nice summer peach. patience is my peach. Its "what in the world wednesday"...what do you expect! Nnnnoooooooooo, couldn't be a banana..they get ripe quickly, had to be the peach....

We're busy doing the last week of summer this week. The kids start school a week from today so I am trying to get through mandatory work stuff so I can take off the rest of the week to play with them. The basic school shopping is done and they have what they need to get started.

Some people feel that the summer goes too fast. I think it goes just fast enough. When I think about all we did over summer break, it feels like a good, long vacation. The corn feels like it has been tall in the fields for a long time. The days have felt long for a long time because most mornings I got up early to see the sun rise and went to bed tired after the sun did...i think the summer has gone just long enough. I can't wait for the season to change.

I love fall. I love the colors, the foods, the sports, the sweatshirts and jeans. I love it when the seasons change. I love lighting candles and reading more books and smelling burning leaves...

food

Today was a good foodie day. Sometimes there are profound things to say and other days, like today, just really need to be about food. We had an amazing supper tonight and I want to savor it longer with words if I can so indulge me...or move on. Tonight we grilled T-bone steaks that were from a friend's local farm...it just doesn't get any better than that for a carnivore. Apologies to all you vegans out there...I am an Iowa girl and I love a good steak! A good foodie never leaves a steak hangin so we paired it with some sauteed garden veggies (green peppers, onions and mushrooms), added some locally grown sweet corn on the cob...on the grill...and cubed watermelon. I have to say, people, that my mouth is so happy right now I can barely form words. When you love food the way I do, and you see an absolutely beautiful plate of color and texture and flavor...umm, ummm, ummmmmm!!

At lunch today, after taking the family to the local rec center to play ball, run on the track, etc. (humid and rainy saturday), my husband laughed out loud as he watched me eat my salad. The rest of the fam ate leftover pizza and chicken and broasted potatoes, and I had made a garden fresh salad with tomatoes, lettuce, cucumber, snow peas, feta cheese, leftover bacon and some not-so-fat-free dressing...my description involved a phrase similar to " a festival of flavors popping in my mouth..."

Breakfast included granola and yogurt with fresh strawberries and slammin' good coffee...mid-morning snack after my solitary walk was a peanut butter and banana tortilla...

Now I'm cooking chicken for Sunday dinner tomorrow so that we can put it on time-bake and have a meal after church...I tell you what, people, being a foodie is alot of work, alot of dishes in the sink, not cheap but so, so worth it. Eating in season is not only responsible but absolutely worth it and completely makes sense.

I love food. Thank you, Lord, for food! thank you for the variety and the supply and the abundance and the ability to sustain us from the land and the creatures you created. I think that in your Creator-God way, you get it. I hope you are happy that I can thank you and praise you and look back on a really good day with gratitude and awe at all that you can do for us.

This one I've shown before but its also a door. I like it.

doors

I've been thinking about doors. The other night I was awakened by a banging downstairs. I went down and the cat was standing at our french doors banging on them, wanting to be let through to go outside on the porch where she had seen her partner. Without words, she clearly articulated what she wanted and she needed help passing through 2 sets of doors to get there. (I stand at the door and knock...). We keep those doors shut becuase otherwise the cats come upstairs at night and paw around and wake up the children. The doors protect the serenity of our sleep. At night, I make sure that certain doors in our house are open so that the cats can find their way to the litter box, and I shut other doors so that they cannot get to us. Unconsiously, we have a path that we systematically shut and open doors each day for the good of our family life.

We seldom lock our doors. (OK, the secret is out so don't come rob us-ironically if you're reading this you may know that already and have used the 'open door policy'). We leave them unlocked because there is an entire community of people who either come to bring me something (formula or clothes for a needy family, returned pans and dishes, supplies for work, etc.) or they come because they need something (my brother does his laundry here sometimes, a friend has come for a quiet place to use the phone). Doors.

We have an old home with lots of rooms and almost every room has a door. These doors stay open all the time unless someone specifically closes one for privacy. (Enter through the narrow gate...)So this thinking about doors brings me to thinking about God, of course.

Many have said, "God will open and close the doors necessary for you to find the child he has planned for you" and as I move through my home and notice the doors and see how they affect my family, I have a new appreciation for how busy God must be with His doors. He is always ahead of us, opening doors he wants us to see as safe passage, as the next step, as an easy flow. He also has the omniscient presence to know which ones to shut either after we have passed through (one way, no turning back) or before we come upon a certain choice (no access here). Like the human and feline members of my family, we probably seldom notice which ones are open and which are closed and if we do notice, we can question it and the answer makes perfect sense. And is what is best. Huh. I am in no way like God, but because I like God, I want to be. I have a new appreciation for doors. I have a new respect for their usefulness. I am grateful that God put a few passages in the bible about doors and they have survived all the translations and centuries of lifestyles. Doors were the same then as they are today.

If you have thoughts, verses, prophetic words or just comments about doors today, please share!

jealous God

When something has to be about God, it has-to-be-about-God. It can't be about me. I have wanted our adoption story to be about God since we started this last winter. Yesterday I tried to make it about me and it didn't go so well. God is jealous for every story to be about Him if we choose to yield our will to His and give up our ideas. I hate that cause I think I have really good ideas.

Apparently, what I thought were God's ideas were mine so the day went differently than I dreamed and hoped for. It's too bad I don't have time to write a really good story cause Boy! can I come up with them. There were amazing things that happened yesterday in our adoption story. God things. Big things. The act of moving myself out of the way so that God can do what he wants to do when he wants to do it with our adoption story was very cumbersome for me.

Yesterday was a hard day for me but I was bathed in prayer and I was also protected and gaurded and hemmed in behind and before and God's hand was on me. I get tired of praying Psalm 139 but man, oh man, is it the cry of my heart throughout this whole thing. I am not an easy person because I feel everything so deeply and I do really fine for a long time until I just don't any more and then I fall apart fast. There are no specific details that matter in all of this vague musing, other than for me to note, publicly, that I have a very tender and good and beautiful husband who can end his very long day buffering my heart and quietly standing beside me. I can note that God loves it when I realize that I am in the way and can be moved so that He can move.

I love, love, love when I feel God move. I can note that the steadfast, sacrificial and unconditional love and support and prayer I have experienced from the people who know and love us...it makes even the hard, sad days a treasure. It makes especially the hard, sad days a treasure.

Yesterday, 8/11/09 was a day I will treasure. It was 9 months to the day from a very long night where God had me awake every hour, praying for our adoption, for 2 agencies in particular as we were navigating the huge task of choosing an adoption agency and starting this process. I knew it would matter. It didn't look the way I thought it would look but it did matter. I am different today.

hosannalc.org is the website of the church I visited last week on vacation. There are links and downloads available there for amazing sermons on the Psalms. I was just blessed again, after listening to the one from yesterday. If you're interested in a message about weathering the storms of life and fighting anxiety God's way, check out yesterday's sermon on Psalm 112:7. Hope you go check it out and are just as lifted up as I was.

Last week when he preached he said this, "The book of Psalms is the record of the coming of age of the human race." I've spent alot of time in Psalms but I think I need to stay in the psalms alot more often. Today, someone had equally powerful things to say about the Psalms...guess you know what you'll be hearing from me for awhile.

the end of the day

Sunday nights are hard. I'm always a little bit sad when the weekend is done. Weekends are so great, and by sunday night, what looms ahead is work, busyness, being governed by the clock throughout the day...

The crew just headed up to bed with dad (thank you Roger!) so I could have a few minutes to finish some blogging, check my email and close down the day. The peace and quiet are back. I could care less about the news tonight. we opened the window to let in some fresh air after keeping things locked down from the heat all weekend. I hear the night sounds and it is still and dark. I may try to finish a short story I started earlier in the day. Or not. It's a collection from one of my favorite authors but I'm disappointed in this one. Lots of new agey stuff and alternative lifestyle characters. There's enough of all that everywhere else. It will be so great when we are in Heaven someday and don't feel like we need a filter for everything we read or listen to. It can be a real effort.

We're saying a few extra prayers this week again for our adoption. nothing going on that we know of, just pressing in a bit tighter in prayer. Can't say more than that without sounding like a crazy person. That would be bad. Just crazy to have another little one to hold and love and know and grow with. just crazy to have this adoption resolved and to know who it is God has prepared us for. Just crazy to love another child and add another heart to the crazy mix of our lives. Its not even about being ready or having it together financially or with parenting or with spiritual strength. It's probably the opposite which is so great cause then God can move on into the lead and run this family in our weakness. That is the best part. We just have to try and to love and to believe and to embrace it all and I know that I know that I know He will do what only He can do. can't wait. Well, I can wait but I really don't want to anymore. We're "ready" whenever you are, Lord!

Sunday

It's sunday again. Its that yummy time of the day when I'm fully awake and alert and I got my walk in already. My family is all still sleeping and the house is so still.

Lord God, I worship you in this quiet moment. I thank you for peace at the start of the day and ask that you bring it back at the end of the day. You are an amazing God. You are a good God. You are a living God and you want to be present in this day with us. Thank you for Sunday, Lord. Thank you for church and family and rest and reading and playing with children. Thank you for good food and time away from the demands of the world. Thank you for Sunday. Bless all the pastors of all the churches who are preparing to preach today. Bless the worship leaders and music directors and praise teams and choirs as they prepare to lead us closer to you through music. Thank you for music, God. Bless the prayer ministries that intercede for us and reach out to you for us when we are not praying and even when we are. Let this be a sunday, Lord, a sabbath day, when you pour out your Spirit fresh and new and more fully than ever before. Let Christians everywhere encounter you in a new way today, God. As this day ends, make us hungry and thirsty for every Sunday, every encounter, every moving of your powerful Holiness....Teach us something new today, God. I promise to be watching and listening and feeling and smelling and tasting today, expecting to see and hear and feel and smell and even taste something more of you than I have before today. Thank you for Sunday God. Amen.

Because we blog, we are people who reflect. And share. Because the little things in life have meaning, we record them so that we can savor them. Because it all means a great deal, there are moments in the day when we think, "I should really write this down"...then we don't and it's ok because we took note, we paused, we felt it a bit more than the minimum requirement. Guess what? God likes that. :)

Know what school-shopping with 2 rambunctious (sp?) boys looks like? It looks like a blur. Today I took my 5 and 7-year old sons shopping (tax-free clothes/shoes in Iowa today and tomorrow). We picked up Nana, the best grandma ever, dropped off big sister Claire for a very special play date and we hit the stores, at 9am. Amped up on doughnuts and about 2 hours less sleep than required, we dove into one store. Yes, one. One dressing room, 2 boys and a very short list of needed items. Their legs grew 2 inches over the summer so we needed long pants in case we have cool days the first few weeks of school...did you know hangers can double as weapons? Pay quick and exit quicker...school shoes at the next store...on sale-yeah mom, and then a few quick stops before we hit Target for glue, erasers, a backpack for my Kindergartener...(sigh) and drive-through happy meals. Home by 1:00. Seriously. With a headache. :)

Yesterday my super-wise and delightful social worker let me vent and debrief and empty out with frustration while I was driving to visits...then she filled me up again so that the wait doesn't seem so bad...how DOES she do that? Thanks, Heidi.

Harp and bowl prayer was incredible in the evening last night...hope some of you felt warm fuzzies....

It's really hot and humid in Iowa this weekend. I love the air conditioner...and tomorrow I will love the pool.

Did I mention my baby is going to kindergarten in 2 weeks. Oh my.

prayer meeting

Many of you have recently asked me to pray for something in your life. Some of you I have volunteered to pray for, in the last little bit. I want you to know that I am going to a harp and bowl prayer meeting tonight from 6-9pm. In addition to leading prayer for intimacy with God I hope and plan to lift up your requests as God brings them to me. Just thought you should know.

"what in the world" wednesday

As some of you know, my wednesdays are always crazy and exhausting. They are my longest work day of the week, strategically placed in the middle so I can gear up for it and then coast down, like a really steep hill (way more than a 'hump'). As I think through the various conversations I had today with clients, their relatives, professionals and general people in community, I decided to label this day "what in the world" wednesday. I will be careful to protect the confidentiality of those I spoke to today but I need to write this out.

Because my blog is entitled "Answer to my prayers" I feel like those who read it are open to prayer, are intercessors, are willing to pray and hear about prayer. I am speaking to these readers now. Please pray about this issue: Today I was enlightened about a general practice in the "drug community". Apparently, young people with serious mental health issues, including bipolar disorder, fetal alcohol syndrome (all grown up), anger, and anxiety are self-medicating with marijuana. These young adults are replacing psych meds (and monitoring, and counselling) with pot. To them, it makes sense and is responsible.

What in the world is wrong with this society? Why can't we meet the needs of mentally ill people properly? How do I become part of the solution now that I have identified the problem? The "nursing process" would dictate that I form a diagnosis based on evidence, create a plan involving collaborating with psychiatrists and psychologists and group therapists, teamed up with some teaching on managing stress and building a support system. The outcome would be measured by the client's ability to verbalize an improvement in mental health, and a cessasion of illegal drug use. Sounds good on paper. Won't work.

I am so scared for these kids (who are actually parents) and also mad that noone helped them when they were babies and toddlers and preschoolers. What are we doing to our kids? What in the world are we doing to the next generation of the work force who are not all working, but rather wandering around on government aide, using illegal home-grown pot to self-medicate.

I'm sure I will have to delete this at some point. Sorry for any offense. I'm just blown away that this is happening and I have no clue what to do about it. Please, readers, please pray for wisdome and revelation for how to help people who have invisible problems. Pray, too, for all the parents out there, all the parents of the world, that we may do a better job of meeting the needs of our kids so that one day we will no longer diagnose diseases of the mind. Pray for mental health and healing for those who have been hurt in ways that damage them in the deep, deep places.

We need to balance discipline with love and affection, nurturing, attention to cues, forgiveness, physical touch and eye contact. We need to spend time with our kids and listen to them and talk to them and teach them to respect themselves and others. We need to cry out to God to help us do a better job than has been done before.

Sorry for the soap box...I have a few of them and this is my hearts cry tonight. I'm gonna let go of this now and focus on my home life. I have turkey pot pie cooking in the oven, the boys are in the bath after swimming with their Nana, Claire needs some "encouragement" to practice her violin and the table needs to be set, the watermelon needs to be cut, and my hubby just walked in the door....

but joy comes in the morning

A quiet night's sleep in my bed, some time to think and regroup and get back on track has given me new joy and purpose and determination both at work and in my home. My little cherubs have not gotten the better of me. This morning I became the adult again. A grown-up with a plan. My plan includes rules. Rules and chores. God is in control but I am definitely in the front seat of this family ride....look out, kids.

I realize that I cannot expect my children to know how to make good use of their time and to be responsible for anything without direction, guidance and a few well-placed rewards or consequences. Vacation is a break from that for all of us but now that vacation is done, its time for some structure and accountability. The buck stops with me. No more french fries and reckless indulgence (yep, stepped on the scale this morning-can one really blush alone in the bathroom?), no more "martyr-mom syndrome" where I do everything and then complain that I'm not getting help.

A new day has dawned. I'm trading my sorrow, I'm trading my shame...joy comes in the morning. I read the psalms this morning, Psalm 24 and Psalm 84....praises and honor and glory. Pray for my children and for me as I seek to teach and love and empower them with the tools they will need to be able to be respectful and obedient to God one day, by learning to respect and to obey their parents today.

Pray for my new "diet"...I really, really, really hate to diet. Unfortunately, it's time. Ugh.

oh boy is it over

We're home safely tonight. Why does the end of a wonderful vacation need to be marked with sassy attitudes, "entitlement" to unlimited television, snacks and fun? Why do the parents have to feel exhausted and overwhelmed by the work load and the laundry load and the long grass, etc. Vacation is wonderful but boy does it come with a price. Tonight, my mind and body are so tired and I cannot wait to crawl into my clean sheets in a bedroom that I share only with the man I married...tomorrow morning a perky, fresh young babysitter will arrive to entertain my children for the day while I go dig out at work.

Maybe their bad attitudes were caused by an overload of veggies and non-fried foods at supper. Maybe their constitution cannot handle healthy food, toothpaste on a toothbrush and a reasonable expectation of help as we unpack.

It really was a great vacation.

Wouldn't change it for the world.

Love my family.

Going to bed now.

vacation is over

Well, its our last night away and vacation is done. When we wake up tomorrow we will scrape ourselves off the walls, doors and floor of our very well-used and well-loved hotel room. 5 people in one room for 5 days is quite something! Today we attended the amazing church that I love in the cities, Hozanna! Lutheran, and I was not just blessed but doubly and triply blessed. The worship was inspiring and purposful, the sermon piercing and the topic of the morning was my favorite...intimacy and communing with the Lord. It was so great...then we got to meet a fellow blogger in the prayer room and she and I shared and prayed...one more God-authored connection that reminds me once again how good God is and how much he loves to give us gifts and lavish love on us. Thanks, Jenny, for meeting us and sharing your heart, your passion, your adoption story (so far) and your time in prayer. Claire and I will not forget your blessing or your annointing.

We grabbed fast food lunch (again) and went to ValleyFair for the day. We just got home an hour ago. Roger and I are shot. Physically and financially spent. We are ready to be home! We forgot to request maid service when we left so when we returned 12 hours later, the breakfast stuff was still out, dirty towels still on the floor...yuck. This hotel room even feels tired.

My mind is officially switching over to home life and getting groceries, registering Claire for dance, checking the school class list, scheduling visits for work...the kids are ready to not sleep side by side on a pull-out mattress. I think they may even be ready to have vegetables with their meals. French fries every day do not count.

This was an amazing vacation and chock-full of memories, laughs, smiles, hugs and experiences. I wouldn't trade it for the world. I am so grateful and so proud to be the mama of this family. It may be the last one we take as a family of 5 before we adopt our 4th child and become a family of 6. We won't do a major league ball game or Valley Fair with a new baby so that makes this week even more delicious and meaningful (note that I did see newborns at both places and their mom's looked very exhausted and filled with regret). When we get home and get the pictures transferred I can post some. None of ValleyFair, however, because we left the memory stick in the hotel. Arg.