prayer club

I'm meeting with a group of girls who are tweeners, age 10-12, every other week or so.  I'm learning how to speak enough to their level to not lose them, and yet to challenge them.  It takes wisdom from God's Holy Spirit to get this done and that is a challenge for me.  I'll keep trying and hope that some morsel of truth will stick with them.  It is my hope and prayer that they will receive some prayer tools that they can use from here on out, beyond the prayers at meals and bedtime.  I want children, especially these girls I'm meeting with, to have some prayer tools so that when life hands them a raw deal, or when sorrow pierces their hearts, that they can go to the Throne room of Christ, with confidence, and cry out to the Lord.  I want these girls equipped for whatever life throws at them.  I want them to pray and talk with God.  I want them to know the sound of God's voice and to respond with a resounding "Yes Lord" every time. 

Tonight we went for a prayer walk.  I opened the door for them to walk and just receive their environment in a spirit of prayer, and then to give it back to God in praises, in intercession, in supplication.  It.  Was.  Amazing.  We were 6 girls, a mom and a baby in a stroller.  Some called out prayers, some listened and walked contemplatively.  No one, and I mean no one, missed any pearls.  It seemed, by God's Holy power, that we caught them all.  One lady asked from her car window, what we were doing.  I told her, "we're a prayer club on a prayer walk and we are praying.  In fact, someone just prayed for your son"...I think she took it well.  The pinnacle for me, what I am still riding the wave of, is this.  One child prayed as we rounded a corner of a perfectly landscaped lawn, "rocks...thank you for rocks, Lord.  Thank you for the rock that was rolled away, Jesus!"  I mean, really, does it get any better than that, on a Tuesday at 5:30pm? 

How do I get to be so blessed?

pie

apple pie?  yummy and seasonal, pumpkin pie, yummier and conjours up thoughts of Thanksgiving dinner at grandma's house...shephards pie and chicken pot pie, comfort foods we eat regularly around our table.  Humble pie.  Now there's a pie for ya.  Yep, I'm eating that one today.

That horrific mess I yelled about last night at bedtime?  The one I scolded my children for when I should have been tucking in, blessing and offering peace and assurance....yes, that one.  That mess was caused by the dear dog.  Lady who I decided I now liked.  Lady, who when she was alone and confined to the basement during the day, dug through the garbage, appropriately placed in the trash can by my children.  sigh.  Seriously, gulp down the tastless pie of humility, apologize and give that dog a dirty look.  And move on.

I did better tonight.  Everyone was smiling and feeling the love at bedtime. 

confessions

1.  Even though I did lots of good mommy things today, like bake banana bread, dance with my baby, etc, I did alot of yelling before bed.  Ick.  Its so hard to read the bible and pray good-night prayers after a mommy tantrum over messy bedrooms and one too many times not flushing the toilet...and finding Precious in it.  Ick, ick, ick. 

2.  I washed a pair of pink baby jeans 3 times, trying to get out the stain where colors ran together.  3 times.  I don't have time to wash pants 3 times.  But I beat the stain.

3.  I'm becoming more attached and endeared to this big rescue dog.  I mind her less and enjoy knowing her more.  Ssshhhh....don't tell the grandparents.  They're really hoping I find her a different home.

4.  Sometimes going to my job is easier than being home, feeling behind and like the unpaid maid.

5.  My hubby and I are skipping town thursday and playing hookie friday. 

6.  I stashed a candy bar in my car for the times I need to reward myself.  I'm all about rewards.  I even gave Precious Maryn Smarties today to keep her happy on my walk.  Oops, that was 2 confessions.

7.  I've discovered a term called Compassion Fatigue and I am claiming it as mine.  The good news is there is a conference on how to deal with it next week and I am so going.

8.  I find blogging very cathartic and even if no one reads it, I'm always glad I wrote.

OK, enough confessions for one night.  Feeling better already.

ideas? epiphonies?

I'm sending out a "what do you think?" request, asking for input regarding the sleep or lack there of, habits of dear Precious.  We had that one good night, followed by about a month of stuffy nose viral symptoms, so the sleep issue is still bad. 
Question:  What could it be?
she does good from 9pm or so until 12-2, then from 2am until about 5am she is crying out, uncomfortable, restless and unsettled.  Then she zonks out again for a few hours.  Every night, really from 2-5 she is just miserable.  She never even opens her eyes unless we don't comfor her, if we try to let her be, she sits up, wakes completely up and then we're up for awhile.  What could it be?  She's 13 months old, she's not sick or hungry or in pain.  Nighttime has become a dreaded thing every other night.(Roger and I still take turns with her.)  Even during the day she seldom sleeps by herself for more than an hour at a time.  If we hold her she will sleep for hours during the day.  Its been so long, I can hardly even imagine what it would be like to sleep all night with my husband.  Does anyone out there have friendly advice, nurturing-type advice?  Is melatonin safe for babies?  Anyone?  any ideas, insights, prophetic downloads from God?  He's not responding to my pleas in the night so maybe some of you will have more luck. 

I'm not miserable, just marginally whiney at this point, so its a good time to check if there is anything out there I'm missing.

my walk

Today I seized a rare moment and took the dog for a big walk late morning.  Precious was at daycare and I was working from home, big kids in school.  The rain finally left us and the sky was blue with billowy clouds.  The air was cool and sharp and clean and I felt very alive as Lady and I walked off stress, walked on prayer and just moved.  I got to the bike path where there are wildflowers in a big open field.  I was struck by the flowers.  They were facing the sun, swaying in the breeze, standing tall, as if in attendance to nature.  It felt like the flowers were worshipping the Lord, just enjoying being there, enjoying the scenery, and that God was pleased with their attention.  I joined in and began to worship as well.  I worshipped and rested and I noticed and I prayed and I sang and I walked.

 I began that walk down that path feeling very burdened and stressed and drained but the flowers changed me.  I want to be like them.  I want to stand tall in the sun and sway back and forth and be quiet so that God can speak to me.  I want to be a reminder to others that God is here, He is speaking and listening and painting a canvas of beauty right in front of us, if we only stop to see it.  I want to shut my eyes and bend and sway and stand in attendance before Him.  I felt God speaking to me, quietly in my spirit, saying this:  The road is long and hard but there are places to rest along the way.   Yes, Lord God of Heaven, Master of my life and of everything...the road is long and it is often hard but yes, there are places to rest along the way.  Sometimes where you least expect them.  Yes, Lord.  It is good to rest in You.

Isaac's arm

Yesterday Isaac went to the doctor to have his cast changed.  Midway through a 6-week cast experience they often cut it off and change it.  Dad took him cause I was out of town for work and he called my cell phone when they left the hospital.  No cast replacement.  His elbow is completely healed.  I just can't believe it.  Why am I so suprised?  We prayed that God would heal Isaac's arm full well.  It wasn't immediate but it was complete...at 3 1/2 weeks. 

Last night he was afraid to move it, to use it.  I sat with him and rubbed lotion into his fingers, his arm, his neck.  In bed when he cried, fearful that if he moved it it would hurt, I layed hands on my son's elbow and prayed that God would comfort him and give him peace and courage, that God would increase his faith that his arm was well. 

We are responsible for the spiritual formation of our children.  Its so hard.  Its hard to get them to eat their vegetables, to practice the piano, to behave well and listen and be obedient.  Its harder still to lead them on the path to God.  Sometimes a broken arm is part of that path. 

The new song on my play list is from Psalm 103 which is Claire's memory work for the next few weeks at school. I added it so she could hear the words put to music tomorrow, and to read a post that honors her birthday. Happy Birthday Claire Barbara!

Claire

Today is Claire's birthday.  She is my firstborn.  She is so much more than I can write here.  Claire is a force.  She is beautiful and sweet and smart and talented and deep and significant.  Claire was named for Roger's grandma Clara, his dad's mom.  Clara was known for her pies, for wearing hats and for being wonderful.  Claire's middle name is Barbara, for my mom.   I couldn't wait to have a baby girl to name her after her daddy's grandma and my mom.  Claire was born 3 years and 1 day after we were married.  My mom came to the delivery room in the middle of the night to meet her first grand-daughter and hear her first name-sake.  Claire and Nana have a bond that I don't dare challenge.  I never knew I could love someone the way I did when I met her eleven years ago, face to face.  I learned to be a mama by singing and dancing and nursing her, to lullabies and to classical music and to jazz.  I know God better because I know Claire.  You should all know her, too.  Her name means brilliant one and she is all of that and more.  We celebrate her today and thank God for her.

Here's Claire and one of her best friends, Micah, who came last weekend for her birthday. She stayed the weekend and we took her home Sunday after church. We met her mom at an apple orchard and enjoyed the afternoon. Claire and Micah are soul sisters, with deep kinship that defies their years of life. Maybe someday they can explain it to us grown-ups. This is one of Claire's last pictures being ten...she turns eleven tomorrow. Sniff, sniff. No, really, I'm ready for her birthday. But Eleven? How does this happen!

Here in the midwest, we savor and celebrate the change of the seasons, especially the onset of autumn. The end of summer is often sultry and hot and buggy and sticky and smelly in rural midwest territory...fall is different. Fall means cooking apples and pumpkin pie and casseroles and pacing with the farmers as they harvest the fields. It means outings to walk the corn mazes and do bonfires and football games and raking leaves...its change. Change is good. Enjoy these pictures of our kids as we mark the change of seasons here. Today is the official last day of summer and tomorrow, it is Autumn. Watch the leaves change colors, watch them blow and fall and rustle on the street. Eat apples. Buy pumpkins. Watch football. Make chili soup and dig out your sweatshirts. Find a comfy blanket and snuggle in for a season...or two...its not so bad if you just take the time to enjoy it. Fall is here!

recent trip to the apple orchard...just the big kids and mom and friends, picking apples and enjoying a fall day!

Flowers out at Pumpkinland...gorgeous!

Umm, mom? Why am I on a warehouse floor with a bunch of pumpkins and corn and squash? Seriously?

Isaac's football debut...24 hours before he breaks his rt elbow.

 Today is our anniversary.  Happy anniversary to us!  14 years ago, we we tied the knot and at this very hour, were at our wedding dance with all our friends and family and most of the community.  I'd love to post a picture of us from today but, oddly enough, we weren't in the same spot long enough for anyone to snap a picture.  Sad, but true.  It was a work day for both of us, then swim team and football and supper and last minute shopping for Claire's birthday tomorrow...but don't pity us.

Next week we have plans to skip town, play hookie on friday and relax.  We are doing a wine-tasting event out of town, staying in a hotel and sleeping in, thanks to the grandmas in our lives.  We'll celebrate our anniversary then.  Tonight I gave Roger a super-size candy bar and he mounted my new microwave.  Perfect.

I strongly recommend marriage.  Its better than I ever hoped it would be. 

Lord, bless our marriage and all marriages.  Protect and preserve us and help us to always put others' needs before our own, to give more than we receive and to bless over and over and over.  Thank you for love in this world to teach us to love you even more.  Amen.

Here are some party highlights. They are mostly for dad who had to miss the party. I think they reveal that a good time was had by all!

the interlopers, watching from a distance...always watching....

took a break from swimming for snacks around the fire. My new back yard rocks!

the pinata!

this is George Washington hair.

friends

Eccl 4:10 says, "If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!"

Friends.  I've been watching friends during this slumber party and marveling as I watch new friendships grow, old friendships deepen.  Friends are huge.  Apparently even God thought so.  We need friends for fun celebrations, to pick us up when we fall, to hang our pictures when we move, to paint the walls of a new home or clean out an old one.  Friends call and make lunch plans when we have been apart for awhile, to try to maintain friendships.  Friends ask "how are you doing"...or, if you are a 10-year old, "are you sad?"  and then compassionately help.  Friends offer encouragement and advice and unyielding support because God knows that the best way He can wrap his arms around us, is in the body of our friends.  His indwelling Spirit just waits for friendships to be made, so He can enter into the relationship and work out His good purpose through the love and kinship of human beings.  Its beautiful.  I pity the man, or woman, or child who has no friends, who has no one to help him up if he falls. 

Lord, give me the wisdom and power to be a friend to the one who as no one to help him up.  Thank you for my friends and for the friends of my children who already show the love of Christ to one another.  You are beautiful, Lord.  Your thoughts and your abilities and your desire to be present in us is outstanding. 

Precious holiday

Unexpectedly, I find myself on a Precious holiday.  I didn't need one or expect one and yet, here I am.  Yesterday we received a call that Roger's grandma had passed away in Chicago.  She was 96 and very ready to go home to Jesus.  The funeral was set for saturday morning and there was no way we could all go.  Claire had a birthday slumber party scheduled for tonight with 8 eager 10-11year olds headed our way after school.  We stayed up until midnight last night, hashing out plans and came up with this.  Roger would take Precious and go with his parents to Chicago today and return sunday.  I was reluctant to let her go, for the sake of her traveling companions and for my own need to have her near, but it made sense.  Dad would take P on her first road trip and I would man the fort, the party, the football game and the school carnival. 

Today I unpacked boxes, I cleaned, I sorted...and I blessed my new house.  I payed attention room by room and I blessed this house.  Mid-afternoon, I put on my swim suit and I went out to our pool, alone, and I prayed and I swam and I blessed our back yard.  It has been a wonderful day.  I'm constantly listening for my baby girl, but relieved that she is with her dad, her grandparents and her aunties and here at home, I can really savor big kids.

I've been outside, sitting by the bonfire, watching these crazy girls do relay races in the pool, screaming, jumping, laughing, and I remember why I love kids.  All kids.  Not just babies, not just Precious Maryn who consumes most of my energy and attention.  All kids.  My kids and their friends.  Kids are so much fun.  Older kids are practicing to be grown ups but can still abandon themselves to play...this holiday, this break, this time with just the big kids is so good for me.

The boys hovered about with neighborhood boys, running along the fence with their weapons, watching from the fort, listening, watching...classic little brother stuff...and then a family friend came and invited them to a football game so they are off enjoying, yes, of all things, more football, and taking a break from the squealing 5th grade girls. 

This weekend is a Precious holiday.  I miss her every minute but I am acutely aware of my body relaxing, listening, watching and paying attention to everything else going on and it feels good.  She's in great hands and so am I.

So Isaac fell off the tire swing at recess yesterday and scraped his back and took a bump to the head.  Then he padded up his cast, thanks to his dad, and went to football practice and TACKLED for an hour and a half, came home sweaty and elated...and crashed.  What is it about football? 

Claire is planning a birthday party sleep-over so we are not winterizing the pool until after the weekend.

Jeremiah is just loving school, loving the neighborhood kids who knock on the door and invite them out to play, and loving life in general.  He is loosing teeth so fast right now the tooth fairy needs to take out a loan and he needs a liquid diet.

Precious Maryn is silly, sweet and busy.  She is walking all over the place, sings, passes toys to the dog who is twice her size and is not sleeping, thanks to a stuffy nose and cough. 

Roger and I are trying hard to finish up the old house and unpack and settle into the new house and keep our careers afloat.  September is our anniversary month and we seriously need to find some romance somewhere.  Anyone know where we put it?  Could be packed up in a box somewhere....

rest

The Lord says, "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest..." in Matthew.  I feel Him summon me to rest, especially today, on Sunday, but even more than that.  I feel like God wants us to not forget the rhythm of rest, the purpose of it, the striving for it.  I think rest can mean sleep but doesn't have to mean sleep.  Resting is more.  Its filling up your empty cup, savoring rather than swallowing.  I asked 2 kids today what they did to rest and relax.  One said devotion time, one said music.  I think mine is time just playing and hanging out with my family, not cleaning or working or shopping or watching, just being.  I think if I asked God what He did for rest he would say all of the above.  Maybe.

I want to rest more so I can be more effective and productice and joy-filled. 

I'm a pillow

Not a potato, exactly, more of a pillow.  I couch pillow, a bed pillow, a chair pillow, down to the floor, pick it back up, set it somewhere again.  That's me today.  I'm a pillow.  I'm not moving much or going far from a comfy spot.  All that bragging about Precious Maryn sleeping didn't pay off when we were up, out of bed up, for 2 hours with coughing, stuffy nose misery.  Yuck.  So I cancelled my day and stayed home with my little girl and we have played with toys and we took naps and we watched tv.  She's still sleeping on me and is restful and comfortable and I'm still sitting...on the rocking chair this time. 

Yep, the eyes just keep getting bigger and deeper and wiser. I fall into them every single day. Oh, and please celebrate with me because my little angel baby slept for 7 hours last night before she stirred and needed something. Wow. We're getting there. I mean, seriously, wow.

once upon a time

Once upon a time, I stirred and chopped and seasoned the food before we ate it.  Lately, this great chef called Mrs. Stouffers gets it all ready and boxes it up and it waits for me at the grocery store. 

Once upon a time, I sat on my big front steps on a cool fall afternoon.  Now I'm driving kids back and forth to stuff, passing a bottle to the back seat passenger who then chucks it back at me, spraying milk everywhere.

Once upon a time I swore my car would never have food and garbage all over it...you get the picture.

Once upon a time I would pray that God would bring my husband back safely from a business trip because I didn't want to go through life without him.  Now I pray it because I can't imagine surviving without him.

Once upon a time I dreamed of a day with my home full of children.  Today it is.  I love my children and in a scary kind of way I'm getting much more content with chaos. 

Once upon a time I wondered if I could write and have my thoughts read and understood...and it seems that is so.

I am choosing joy and gratitude and contentment tonight.  I am choosing to savor this beautiful evening, and health and strength and family and friends and love and salvation and work and rest.  Its all just so good.  I can't wait to see how much better God has things planned out for us in Heaven some day.  I want my character and my heart to grow in relationship to what He is saving for me and for you.  The best is yet to come and still, what we have is not too shabby.  Thank you Lord. 

Wish list

1.  I have this deep desire to plant seeds in kids, seeds of desire to know the Lord and to set themselves before Him.  I want the children I know and love to sing and worship and encounter God, to be moved to tears by the Presence of the Lord.  I want my children and those I cross paths with, to learn to pray and to cry out to Jesus and to receive help and comfort and favor and rest in Him.  Man, is it hard to get there.  I am begging the Lord to help me to do this thing, to bridge this gap to their souls.  With adults, I tend to see this apathetic blank stare, like it doesn't really matter.  With kids, I see confusion.  Lord, break in, please!  I'm not doing such a good job from here.  I need your help. 

2.  I want my old house to sell quickly and for a good price.

3.  I want my new house to be clean and well-ordered.

4.  I want to be 20 lbs thinner and have less wrinkles and less veins sticking out on my hands. 

5.  I want crisp cool mornings and sunny fall afternoons to last forever.

6.  I want my pictures hung on my walls.

7.  I want all children to feel loved and wanted and no children to be hurt or afraid or alone.

8.  I want all charities and non-profits to experience an abundance of favor and resources and to flourish...and maybe the for--profits could take a hit for once.

9.  I want hurting people to experience active healing by the power of Jesus' name.

10.  I want to desire what God desires and for my wants to line up with His.

About Benjamin

Deut 33:12 says this.  About Benjamin he said:  Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.

Moses was blessing the tribes here and so he had similar things to say about Joseph and others but I'm thinking of Benjamin today because when I woke up I felt God call me to the idea of Beloved.  What a great word.  I have 3 songs on my playlist that sing of being the Beloved of God and really, is there any better claim?  To be loved by the Lord, to have him take ownership of me and of you and say, "this is my beloved one".  Its endearment and empowerment and entitlement to the love of the Father of the universe, just to accept the label of Beloved.  I choose to say yes to that today and walk in this day as His Beloved one.  I hope you do as well. 

I want to rest secure in Him, like Benjamin, and I believe the Lord will shield me all day long.  I can picture myself resting between His shoulders, his broad strong shoulders, the shoulders that carried the cross so that He could die for me and reconcile me unto himself.  I don't have to live with the consequence of my sin if I bring it to Jesus and ask for forgiveness.  I don't have to suffer eternal separation from him if I accept the cross as the atonement, the payment, the bridge for me to cross over, so that I can go to my Beloved savior and rest on his shoulders this Sabboth day.  Satan isn't gonna bash me around today because I am going to be Benjamin today and really think about how much God loves me, desires my affection and my attention and my submission.  I choose to yield today to the resting place on the shoulders of my Lord.  Me and Benjamin, and maybe you.

If you found this blog today, find the resting place in God as well.  Be very aware that He is calling you to him, that you are His Beloved and He is yours.  There is no greater love.  Have a beautiful, restful, safe Sabboth sunday.  I plan to.

Oh where oh where could that little cord be?  Oh where oh where did it go?  It was here for awhile but now it is gone...on where or where could it be? 

So there's one small grey cord standing between me and the freedom to be done at the old house.  One small cord that plugs a wallpaper steamer into the wall so we can steam off an ugly boarder in a room, give a fresh coat of paint and for me, that's all I can do.  Roger still has to paint and replace trim he didn't get done in a bedroom and the carpet guys (who are slacking off) have to come in and put some carpet by the back steps...but I can't do those things.  I just need that one grey cord.....its here somewhere....in a cardboard box I'm sure.  The boxes are starting to snicker at me when I walk past.  I hear them, even now, mocking me, daring me to try to empty every box in at least one room today.  Naughty boxes, they think they have taken over around here, they think this is THEIR house....

Ok, don't worry, I'm not going crazy, just feeling a bit silly and sarcastic and helpless on this early morning.  Well, better get Claire up.  She's doing the early shift with our church at a service project.  We're helping to serve food at a local soup kitchen meal...we're coming a bit later but she wanted to be there early.  Go Claire! 

Have a blessed holiday weekend everyone!

Well, its late on Thursday night and the house is quiet.  Isaac is in a bright red cast.  The ortho doc said he can play football if we get a foam thing to protect the other players from his cast but the youth league rules say that "casted players" can't play in games.  If we obtain the foam thing he can at least practice.  I'm sure that sounds ridiculous to many of you but football has given my son joy.  Isaac is a child who is generally crabby, very active and aggressive and also very loyal and tender...he's just so complicated.  He absolutely loves football and he's pretty good for an 8 year old...so if he can play, this mama bird will push hard to move the mountain that lets him play and gives him joy.  That's what moms do.  First we feed them, then we protect them, then we watch them, then we teach them to fly.  He and Precious are alot alike.  They share many of the same pleasures and afflictions and they "get" eachother.  That's pretty neat for me.  Claire and Jeremiah are much the same temperament so it works out just fine.  Everyone can relate to someone. 

The move...biiiiiiiiigggg sigh...I'm not calling this a moving post.  I'm just not.  I'm sick of moving.  I want to spend the weekend settling in to our new home but there is stuff to do at the other house and, well, its just alot of work.  Labor day-go figure.  It will be done soon and then we can list it and hopefully, prayerfully sell it. 

I wore a sweatshirt this morning on my early morning walk.  I was chilly several times today.  The season is changing.  Change is good...even stressful change is good...I think.

Today is our "Gotcha Day" for Precious Maryn. One year ago this teenie, tiny little fire-cracker was placed in our arms and we are forever changed. Her wrist was the size of my thumb, her eyes consumed her face, she was serious and fragile and so vulnerable. Boy, if you could see her now! What a difference a year makes!