We made it through day 1 of 6 without dad.  Pretty sad that I am counting down already, I know.  Weekends are harder than week days.  Last night I was folding laundry and Precious took out one of Roger's shirts and was dragging it around, saying "dada"...she even layed on it and rolled around on it.  I'd say she has a pretty solid bond with her daddy.  I know he'll be checking the blog while he's gone so this will make him smile and get tearful.  I may put on a few exra pictures as well, just to keep him motivated to hurry up, sell fast and come home! 

Once again, I am struck by the intensity of single parenting.  I know some of you do it every day of your lives and I am humbled and convicted freshly to pray for you and to look for ways to help you.  The prayer guide for the orphan brings single parents to mind as well, especially single moms, because we are caring for the fatherless, the widow, the orphan of our society when we show love and care to children and parents who are doing it in this hard, broken way.  Praise God that He is still the head of every household, no matter what it looks like, and we all honor Him as the leader of the family. 

Lord, help all those who are struggling emotionally, financially, spiritually.  Especially help the lonely parents and the hurting children today.  God, again, my heart aches for the orphans.  Place the lonely in families, God, in your creative, just and magnificent way, place the lonely in families.  Amen.

This is my kind of Halloween. Precious and I will be playing pee-a-boo with her favorite blanket that she stole from her big sister while the 3 big kids go to the Halleluliah party down the road. Be safe everyone.

Sometimes spiritual warfare involves deep intercession and calling on God's power in Jesus' Name and much more, but sometimes it looks like little Miss P here...I'm gonna sit here really still and look straight ahead and try not to fall and maybe I will see no evil, speak no evil and hear no evil. Its just a few more days until Halloween is here and gone, think I'll take the bench.

This morning there was a mix-up with my oldest getting a ride to school for an early practice. For 5 long minutes I didn't know who took her or where she was and I was living a nightmare, for 5 long minutes. It was quickly straightened out and all is well, but just that quickly some peoples live change for the worst...so today, I feel the need to thank God for my children who are alive and well and safe, for the big dog who has quietly assumed her place in our family, for my husband and my home and my community that loves and cares. I thank Him for our schools and churches and all the safe and secure things I often take for granted. For 5 minutes today I feared the worst and it did not come true. After praying thanks and crying tears of relief, I went to the store and bought flowers. I want fresh flowers on my table today because I want to celebrate the blessing of these 4 kids, and I want to enjoy having a book party tonight with a few friends and some tasty treats and I want to savor the fact that in this moment, all is well with my world.

Halloween

This is my least favorite week of the year, my least favorite holiday.  I would desperately like to be able to just celebrate it as a part of autumn, enjoy the dress up, the decorations and the sweets, but I cannot get away from the fact that for the most part, it glamorizes and diminishes the power of evil and darkness.  Yuck.  I don't have very many soap box issues but this has always and will always be one of mine.  Roger is good about keeping it light and fun and taking over on the parenting and trick-or-treating.  Our kids don't wear costumes that are dark or evil.  Still.  Yuck.  This year he has to leave on a business trip on the 30th and I'm already feeling my stomach churn and my throat tighten over the weekend holiday of spooks and scary things.  Our community does a nice Halleluiah party that my kids love and we will do that for sure, and our school celebrates Reformation day instead of Halloween, so that's good, but its still out there, all week long.  And my sane, safe, non-affected husband will be gone.  Yuck. 

Today I'm putting on the full armor of God and will do so every day until November 1 when I can exhale again and stop holding my breath and feeling like my discernment and intercession are on overdrive.   Yuck. 
Today I stand firm, with the belt of truth buckled around my waist, the breastplate of righteousness in place, the shoes fitted with the gospel of peace, and I will put on the helmet of salvation, take up my sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God and my sheild of faith to deflect the arrows of the evil one.  (Seriously paraphrased and jumbled up the Ephesians 6 passage but its how I am writing it as Precious is tearing up my bible, my papers, and trying hard to write with my ink pen).  Ok, feeling better already.  God is good and his armor is secure and the battle is already won so its all good.

Please note the prayer guide for the orphan on my sidebar.  I got started a bit late but want to pray the 40 days of prayer for the orphans and will finish after Orphan Sunday but I don't think it matters to God if I go over that a bit.  Pray with me if you want to.  I'll try not to miss changing it each day but if I do I'll catch it up the next time I post....I'm not an over-achiever in any way. 

saturday/winterizing

We had another great swim day with our boys.  They didn't break records or move mountains but they swam hard and got to strut their stuff for Grandpa and Grandma Kredit who were just bursting with pride.  We have deciced, however, that we may need to get a sitter for Precious Maryn for some swim meets.  She really wants to be in the water...during the meet...all...day...long.  She took a nice nap for me late morning so I could let my "keep the baby alive" gaurd down, and I had helpers today which was nice.  We enjoyed an overnight stay from G and G Kredit before they head south for the winter.  They won't be back to our home until spring...more winterizing...saying good bye to them for the season.  Winterizing.

We went to a sports store and Claire tried on new winter coats/hats...the boys tried to find all their gear when we got home so that if we happen to get snow soon they will be ready.  We seem to be missing a box of stuff so I need to go on a hunt for some snow pants/boots, etc.  Winterizing.  We unhooked the hoses in the back yard and Roger blew leaves out of the gutters and he and Grandpa put up plexiglass panels to cover the screens in our porch.  Winterizing.

We are getting ready for the great frost.  The big freeze.  The snow season.  We are winterizing our house, our children, our lives and how can I apply that to life with God.  Hummmmm....well.....God is preparing me, pruning me, teaching me and guiding me into the next season of...what?  How do I winterize my soul?  How do I prepare for what is coming next?  I clean house, spiritually, put away the things I don't need for now, and make sure I have my tools, my resources, my wits about me.  My bible, my journal, my prayer life, my spiritual people...and then I settle in and savor the peaceful time between, when the leaves fall quietly and the moon comes out earlier and the air gets chillier, and we know things could change again soon.

Sometimes it seems like I'm trying hard to hear God, knowing He is trying to tell me or show me something.  Sometimes I am so busy saying, "what?  what?  what?  what?  what?" that I don't hear Him when he is quietly whispering, "hush...hush...hush...hush...hush".

I want to be going to the powerful prayer meeting that I love tonight but I need to be home, reading to my children and checking school-work and supporting my husband's one night to "winterize" our life before the freezing starts...Oohhh...that sounds like a post all its own....how to winterize my life before the freezing starts.  Stay tuned, I may get into that thought. 

I need to fold laundry and dig out from the busy week before we launch into a great weekend of good stuff:  a wedding, a swim meet, time with the kids, church duties, etc.  So right now, instead of rushing through my chores so that I can get to the prayer meeting after supper, I'm sitting in my quiet living room, listening to Precious snore on the couch and birds chirping outside and the cooking show I have on...and I think I can almost hear my Lord saying, "hush...hush...hush".

today

Today I attended a conference regarding domestic violence and several speakers addressed it from a faith perspective.  That was so refreshing since everything I do has a faith perspective.  I learned a statistic today that is worth sharing because it was staggaring and significant to me.  67% of women who are strangled (choked, hands around my neck reports) by their attacker/boyfriend/husband, etc are killed by that attacker within 4 months. 

Today I ate alot of unhealthy food and didn't do any exercise for the 4th day in a row.  My walking buddy went into long-term treatment and is unavailable to walk with me and I am not very motivated when the mornings are dark and cold, as are the evenings.  I have to, have to, have to find a new way to exercise for my physical and mental health.  Ugh.

Today I met with my girls prayer group and we jammed out to some Go Fish music, their new cd is called Old School and is so great...and we decorated canvas bags to hold our bibles and pens and journals...so great.

Today I looked at Precious Maryn Kredit with different eyes because she started and ended the day with our last name...for the first time ever.  I am so relieved and excited and at peace that our adoption is finalized and it is complete and it is done.  Its such a great feeling!

Two years ago this week we made the decision to pursue our fourth child through adoption. Today the judge finalized our adoption and gave us the rest, the deep sigh of relief, the final rap of the gavel, the last step of the journey. She is here. She is ours. She now bears our name. We are better than we were before, we know God more, we love eachother more and we feel more unified as a family because God answered our prayers and brought us Precious Maryn Kredit. Thank you for walking this adoption journey with us. We have arrived at the final destination with Precious!

I will keep blogging because, through this adoption process, I discovered that I need to write and read and be inspired. I need creative energy to flow and I need to feel reflective and contemplative and significant. I will keep the name the same because I know that God will continue to answer prayers and I want my life to be a testimony of that.

Today is a good, good day.

If tomorrow is your sabboth day, as it is mine, then stretch your limbs a bit higher toward the sky. Reach for the Lord and acknowledge Him high above and worship, more than you did the day before. Try to touch the deep blue sky and feel the warmth of the sun on your face as God the Father smiles down. Feel the wind blow and listen the leaves rustle and smell the dry autumn smells and worship. Notice the colors that explode from the trees and thank God for His display of splendor, his quiet authority over all of creation. Worship. Find a passage of scripture to repeat and to pray back to Him and to think about all. day. long. And worship. Tomorrow, for me, it is sabboth rest. I am craving worship.

The girls and the boys...

Claire has a lot of musical talent but I have to threaten, remind and beg her to practice...she has been very busy this fall with music, dance, homework and socializing...its hard to find a picture of her when she is home once in awhile!

Make a joyful noise unto the Lord...

Today was the first swim meet of the season. I am blown away by Isaac. He is bigger, stronger, faster and more confident. Sometimes we are treading water in life, sometimes we are drowning and need a life preserver...other times we are able to take a big gulp of air and really swim...

Ready...set...go! Jeremiah is only 6 and yet he opened up his courage box and belly-flopped into the pool 3 times today. His first swim meet was a huge success! He even managed to place third over-all for the 8 and under group in the backstroke. I am busting with pride for my little guy!

I wanna be the whale

Days are full and fast for us right now.  In public health we have launched the flu vaccine promo so that is busy.  There has also been an explosion of pregnant women, new babies and folks who need a listening ear, a comforting touch, a bit of encouragement, a hug.  Full days.  Precious Maryn had her first bout with the seasonal coughing, wheezing, runny nose ick and is now on the mend...full nights.  Not sleeping better, mind you.  I think of things often in the day that I would love to blog but by the time I get home and clear the space in my head that finds the words...they are gone.  I'm grateful I at least can notice those memorable moments, even though I may not record them.  Living in the present is a beautiful thing.  Here is a thought I meant to blog out on sunday but didn't get to.  Every day since then I have heard in my head, "I wanna be the whale".  Guess its time to blog it so I can move on.

Last weekend I read scripture to some kids and we read the story of Jonah and the Whale.  I asked them to really listen to the story as I read it and to try to identify with someone in the story other than Jonah and see if God had a fresh lesson to teach in the story.  They found it easy to identify with the other sailors on the ship, who were desperate to solve the problem but not toss Jonah over the side of the boat.  We talked about things those sailors likely thought and said and how they did embrace Jonah's God and followed through.  Me?  What I saw new and fresh in that story, that old, old story from sunday school days more than 30 years ago...was that I really want to be the whale. 

I want to be the one created by God for such a time as this.  I want to be the one who is prepared to be useful whenever needed, the one fulfilling my life's work, operating in my calling, swimming in deep waters in the sea.  I want to be the one who is ready when God calls me up on special assignment.  "Niki, this is God.  There's someone in trouble who has lost their way and they are struggling to obey and get back on track but I see they could drown in the effort.  Would you swim to the surface and help?  Would you take them in?  Would you swallow their fear for them and carry them to the place I destined them to go?  Would you be on their journey for a short time and just swim them to shore so I can get them back on track?  Niki, would you be the whale?"  Yes, Lord.  I wanna be the whale. 

Isaiah 66:1,2

"This is what the Lord says:  'Heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool.  Where is the house you would build for me?  Where will my resting place be?' Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being:' declares the Lord."

I attended a conference this week on compassion fatigue. We looked at how and why it happens and what to do about it. It's essentially a state of empathy exhaustion and the cost of caring becomes too high...and personally you suffer either physical, mental, emotional or spiritual discomfort. The solution is bumping up your self care, being healthy and building good support and community. It was mostly stuff I already knew but because my career and my life put me at risk for compassion fatigue, it was time to really look at it and make sure I am equipped. I'm guessing many of you out there are in the same boat. There is some good info online if you are interested, so maybe I'll post something about that.

My personal care plan for improving and fixing my compassion fatigue are daily exercise and a trip out to my favorite spot for a day of prayer, being in nature and being quiet. I've got about 6 weeks until its too cold to really enjoy my favorite park so I have a timeline here. My camera loves nature about as much as I do so I may put more nature shots up for awhile, until I can get there in real time. I was really impressed at the conference that the research supports what my inner spirit has always known. I find my serenity, my depth, my peace and my most authentic worship when God and I are outside, enjoying the beauty of the earth. He is a master painter and sculptor and his artwork in nature is breath-taking! Can't wait to schedule my day. My support people already identified my need for this day before I went to the conference and offered to help make it happen. Isn't that great?

Seek the Lord while He may be found, call on him while He is near.  Isaiah 55:6

Lord God, I seek you today and I am choosing to look to you, to praise you, to consider how fair and beautiful and good you are.  I am turning from my whiney, worldly thoughts and fixing my eyes on you, Jesus, the author and perfector of my faith.  I choose to seek you today because you desire to be found.  You are near, you are here, you are with me and you choose me over and over and over so I take a deep breath now, pull myself up by my bootstraps and I will walk out this day in joy and gratitude and humility because you are, yes, you are near.  Thank you Abba Father for being near, present and interested in my day, my heart, my thoughts and my will.  You are amazing and I am not.  Fill me with more of you and less of me so that I can continue to dig out of a pity party hole and climb onto Mount Zion where you wait for me.  Amen.

Call me silly but I think I should only suffer something like a sprained ankle if I'm being foolish or doing something naughty, like shopping when I should be working.  I don't think its fair to fall and sprain an ankle while walking out of the chiropractor's office holding Precious Maryn.  Because I was holding her I didn't see the step down on the concrete and because I was holding her I faught like crazy to not crash and burn and hurt her...buckled one foot under me and skinned the other knee pretty bad and ripped my best sweat pants.  And shot my one day off completely since I couldn't get groceries, do the 10 loads of laundry, pick up the house or catch up on work.  I didn't go in for xrays but my 16 years of nursing experience says its likely not broken, just sprained and sore.  Darn it.

Precious became progressively wheezy today, Jeremiah has swollen tonsils and, well, its only Monday.  I'm praying for healing and rest and strength...and I'd better go to bed rather than play on the computer any longer.  Wishing and asking God for much health and healing in all our homes! 

She's very proud to be a walker/runner/dancer!

Precious has enjoyed the move.(see the boxes?) This weekend we declare ourselves officially moved because we returned the trailer we were borrowing. Now we just need a buyer for the old house.

authentic

I don't care what you say, a poptart flavored with s'more, s'more cereal, s'more bars..they can keep trying but nothing compares to the real deal, the authentic treat.  When you sit around a fire and toast a marshmallow and slide it onto a graham cracker that holds a hershey's chocolate, just waiting for the big smush.  There is no way to fake it with a flavor.  You feel the warmth of the fire on your face and you hear the crunch of the cracker and the crackle of the fire and your mouth is full of yummy, classic, non-reproducible goodness.  It is authentic and it is wonderful.

I want to be a s'more Christian, a s'more mom and wife and daughter and sister and friend.  I want to be real and predictable and wonderful and genuine every time.

Getting my cup filled up again.

Its Friday morning and I'm hanging out with my husband at a hotel.  Indulgence!  We're watching morning talk show tv and playing on our computers.  Relaxing!  We had a great night last night at a beautiful pavilion doing a wine tasting event and then walked the 4 blocks through the city to get back to the hotel...its like 3 date nights in one.  That's good since it may be another 3 months before we manage to get away again! 

Yesterday I had a sensory fulfilling day.  I think I discovered that when I'm feeling exhausted and burned out and craving rest, its not so much about sitting still.  Its more about engaging and experiencing and noticing the sights and sounds and smells, getting back in touch with my whole self, mind, body and spirit.  Today I feel rested and filled. 

Part of my filling was getting my monthly massage.  Massage is not just having your muscles and tight spots rubbed out, its an experience in connectedness with my own body.  The magic fingers of my masseuse find areas of pain or tension that I didn't even know I was ignoring...she shines light on them and we talk about why it hurts and then she deals with that part for me.  When I leave I always feel more awareness of my body.  Another part of my filling was taking my camera out into nature and snapping some pictures of leaves changing colors, of water...and because I was there I smelled a pond and I saw fish and frogs and birds...and I connected with nature and nature connected me to the Lord.  Again.  And I was filled.  A third part of my cup-filling day was the good food and wine and beautiful artwork at the pavilion.  Appreciating art and savoring good flavors is a way that I can appreciate and enjoy life more.  Its more than the daily grind of work and housekeeping and parenting...its living.  Spending 24 hours or so with my husband, my partner for life, not only reminds me of who I am but also of who I am walking through life with.  I love being married to him.  This is a belated anniversary gift to ourselves, and a birthday gift to him, since his birthday was 2 days ago and we didn't celebrate too much.

So I'm feeling more sensorey-aware and more relaxed and more grateful.  If you are feeling dried up, burned out, exhausted and crabby, try some of these techniques.  Refuse to accept negative feelings without taking some action steps to feel better.  God would have us choose joy and health and gratitude and we can honor him in that!