I don't often get a chance to keep the tv on all day. The weather kept us from leaving town today so instead we hung out at home and I got inspired by the media look at 2010 and what lies ahead. Here's my version.
In 2010 we said good-bye to our much loved cat, Toby, who died, and his less-loved partner Sundae who didn't. She's on a farm east of town. :) We said good-bye to cats and hello to Lady, a very big orphan dog who needed us more than we needed her so far.
We said good-bye to our grand old house (still for sale by the way) and hello to a more modern house with neighbor kids, a great back yard and a pool.
As we say good-bye to 2010 I am deeply grateful for our family, our friends and our fellowship in Christ. We say hello to the future, to God's will and plan for us, to hope and love and joy.
Take some time very soon, to feel more than you touch. Take time to listen more than you hear. Take time to hear the clock tick and the silence between the seconds. Take time to pray and to receive more than you give in words, deeds and hope. Take time to love and to grieve and to live. Make living art. Please. Help me do the same and give me inspiration to make the art more grand, more beautiful and more evidence of the Glory to His Holy Name.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
to be or not to be....
Responsible.
Which is it? To be or not to be.....responsible? Sometimes, the best of life is the "not to be" option. My dear little boys, age 6 and 8, train on a swim team and compete. They do this because: 1. They are good swimmers, healthy and strong and we should celebrate this. 2. They have excess energy and swim practice expels much of it. 3. It teaches them life lessons that we cannot at home.
Regularly, they beg to skip practice and regularly I say "no". They love meets, they hate practice. So what else is new? Don't we all! Claire loves to perform in concerts and recitals and hates to practice. I love to spend money but hate to get up early and go to work (although I do love my job, just for the record.)
Its Christmas break, the day before New Years Eve, a snow storm is coming and they have not had any successful playdate encounters all week. Claire is off on her umpteenth social engagement overnight, and the boys, well, they are skipping. I doubt the coach reads the blog. If so, sorry!
We are choosing to NOT be responsible, just for today. We're eating snacks and Precious is snoring quietly on my chest (the pulmonology course of treatment has her running, jumping, dancing, squealing, eating popcorn, climbing, pooping every hour, fussing and such....but sadly, not sleeping much.) She's feeling better, I'm sipping a cocktail and munching on very illegal diet food (cheese nips....go nabisco)....oops. Roger's home from work. Busted.
So sometimes, choose not to be responsible. Eat the chocolate. Sleep in or stay up late, whichever you prefer. Skip the green vegetables for dinner. Stay home. Or go out, which ever is more indulgent. Live a little bit, just because you can.
Which is it? To be or not to be.....responsible? Sometimes, the best of life is the "not to be" option. My dear little boys, age 6 and 8, train on a swim team and compete. They do this because: 1. They are good swimmers, healthy and strong and we should celebrate this. 2. They have excess energy and swim practice expels much of it. 3. It teaches them life lessons that we cannot at home.
Regularly, they beg to skip practice and regularly I say "no". They love meets, they hate practice. So what else is new? Don't we all! Claire loves to perform in concerts and recitals and hates to practice. I love to spend money but hate to get up early and go to work (although I do love my job, just for the record.)
Its Christmas break, the day before New Years Eve, a snow storm is coming and they have not had any successful playdate encounters all week. Claire is off on her umpteenth social engagement overnight, and the boys, well, they are skipping. I doubt the coach reads the blog. If so, sorry!
We are choosing to NOT be responsible, just for today. We're eating snacks and Precious is snoring quietly on my chest (the pulmonology course of treatment has her running, jumping, dancing, squealing, eating popcorn, climbing, pooping every hour, fussing and such....but sadly, not sleeping much.) She's feeling better, I'm sipping a cocktail and munching on very illegal diet food (cheese nips....go nabisco)....oops. Roger's home from work. Busted.
So sometimes, choose not to be responsible. Eat the chocolate. Sleep in or stay up late, whichever you prefer. Skip the green vegetables for dinner. Stay home. Or go out, which ever is more indulgent. Live a little bit, just because you can.
Immanuel
I can't decide what is more amazing, that "God with us" pertains to my past, my present or my future. I get that it's significant for all three. This morning, in the quiet start of the day, I'm thinking about Immanuel, God with us. He was with us in the foggy, slushy drive home from the doctor yesterday, and in the long night of breathing treatments, bottles and tears. He is with us today and I can feel Him summon me, challenge me to reoice, to praise, to worship. He will be with me tomorrow and the days after that, looking ahead to the new year. He was God with us when he created us, knit in the mothers wombs...He is constant, never-failing, always delivering and saving...Immanuel.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Today its back to work for this mom. It was nice to be home yesterday with the kids. We packed away gifs, played a game, went out in the snow for a bit and read books. Claire went sledding with a friend and was gone most of the day which always makes the house more quiet. Today I am thankful and grateful for my mom. She is coming to watch the kids so that I can work without paying a sitter. The original plan was for Precious to go to daycare but she is getting another bad head/chest cold. Its just the cycle we seem to stay in. Last night was pretty rough and she had a hard time breathing due to the thick congestion in her sinuses. Now this morning she has a low grade fever as well. I've been in contact with our new best friends, the pediatric pulmonology team, so I feel like I'm doing more than simply "winging it" as I usually do. Nana will take good care of her until I can finish my visits and get back home.
Dear God in Heaven, these are long cold nights and short dreary days of winter in the midwest. The sun takes forever to rise and sets so quickly. Let your light shine into the darkness, God. Let your warm glow of love and truth and wisdom and assurance be an ever-present light in the dark places. You became Immanuel at Christmas and I say "yes, Lord" You are with us. I savor the feeling of being in our presence, in the quietness. I long for your presence in the chaos. I choose to practice the presence of God and count the minutes and hours until I can find you again in a quiet moment, in a moving song, in a beautiful glimpse of nature and your created things. Dear God in Heaven, reign down on us, here on Earth. Reign down your power and your grace, your healing and your cleansing. Give us new wisdom and knowledge and compassion and purpose for why we are here and what we are to do with the days you are giving us. Amen.
Dear God in Heaven, these are long cold nights and short dreary days of winter in the midwest. The sun takes forever to rise and sets so quickly. Let your light shine into the darkness, God. Let your warm glow of love and truth and wisdom and assurance be an ever-present light in the dark places. You became Immanuel at Christmas and I say "yes, Lord" You are with us. I savor the feeling of being in our presence, in the quietness. I long for your presence in the chaos. I choose to practice the presence of God and count the minutes and hours until I can find you again in a quiet moment, in a moving song, in a beautiful glimpse of nature and your created things. Dear God in Heaven, reign down on us, here on Earth. Reign down your power and your grace, your healing and your cleansing. Give us new wisdom and knowledge and compassion and purpose for why we are here and what we are to do with the days you are giving us. Amen.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
phew.
Tonight we finished our last Christmas party. We ate more good food and played a fun game of bingo for gifts and drove home in the snowy dark night. Our kids are happy with their new loot, even though they have been spending alot of time together and are starting to get on each others nerves a bit. We have been home together as a family for four full days and I feel so grateful to be in this wonderful life. We have so much family and so much goodness, a great church, good jobs that allow us to take time away with our kids. I'm feeling very blessed.
Last year I posted a challenge to come up with some season stretchers. It's hard to build up to Christmas and then just crash back into daily hum drum overnight....so I've been on the look-out for season stretchers again this year. Last year it made the holiday season feel longer and fuller. Once the gifts are done and we all go back to eating like normal humans, instead of gluttons, we still have opportunities to savor the birth of Christ, as well as just stretch the joy and celebration and fun of Christmas. I hope to keep my cds out awhile yet, and play them when I am cooking or cleaning around the house. My peppermint candles will last well into February, I'm sure. My evergreen one from last year is about done. I will leave my nativity scenes out as well and only take down the santa/christmas tree decorations and trinkets. My big nordic pine is half dead from last year so I will throw that one to the curb but I did pick up an after-Christmas deal on two little plants that are Christmas-y and I can keep them alive until spring, I think. If anyone has any new or different ideas to add to my season stretcher list, do tell!
Last year I posted a challenge to come up with some season stretchers. It's hard to build up to Christmas and then just crash back into daily hum drum overnight....so I've been on the look-out for season stretchers again this year. Last year it made the holiday season feel longer and fuller. Once the gifts are done and we all go back to eating like normal humans, instead of gluttons, we still have opportunities to savor the birth of Christ, as well as just stretch the joy and celebration and fun of Christmas. I hope to keep my cds out awhile yet, and play them when I am cooking or cleaning around the house. My peppermint candles will last well into February, I'm sure. My evergreen one from last year is about done. I will leave my nativity scenes out as well and only take down the santa/christmas tree decorations and trinkets. My big nordic pine is half dead from last year so I will throw that one to the curb but I did pick up an after-Christmas deal on two little plants that are Christmas-y and I can keep them alive until spring, I think. If anyone has any new or different ideas to add to my season stretcher list, do tell!
Saturday, December 25, 2010
ssshhhhhh.
The clock struck midnight awhile ago. It's Christmas. Shhhhhhh......they are all sleeping, even the dog. The cinnamon rolls are set out, the buns are prepared for dinner tomorrow when the relatives come. The stockings are stuffed. Santa and I have an agreement. He'll check in but if we're good he will move on. We are so good this year.
We participated in a candle-lit church service tonight. My family all sat in one long row and Precious Maryn traveled back and forth, the length of it. She was disruptive and delightful and fell asleep just in time for the lighting of the candles and standing to sing Silent Night, Holy Night.
I'm off to bed. Merry Christmas again. We love you, Jesus.
We participated in a candle-lit church service tonight. My family all sat in one long row and Precious Maryn traveled back and forth, the length of it. She was disruptive and delightful and fell asleep just in time for the lighting of the candles and standing to sing Silent Night, Holy Night.
I'm off to bed. Merry Christmas again. We love you, Jesus.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
sleep well
This song on my play list is by Todd Agnew and friends. I love his Christmas CD. I'm adding it because, obviously its a Christmas song, but more than that, its for those I love who need to sleep well. Precious is draped across my lap, but that will not last long. Isaac is in the recliner next to me and he has a cough and will likely wake up feverish and miserable. Sleep well, my little birds. Mama is keeping watch over the nest.
The song is also for my friends who are suffering flu miseries, the entire family, and they need to sleep well to heal. Its for my very new friend who is struggling with hard choices and she too must rest, and sleep well. Its for the broken and hurting, the sick and the sad, for the old and the new, the good and the bad...I offer you all the blessing to sleep well. May Holy angels gaurd and attend you while you sleep and watch over you when you rise and go.
The song is also for my friends who are suffering flu miseries, the entire family, and they need to sleep well to heal. Its for my very new friend who is struggling with hard choices and she too must rest, and sleep well. Its for the broken and hurting, the sick and the sad, for the old and the new, the good and the bad...I offer you all the blessing to sleep well. May Holy angels gaurd and attend you while you sleep and watch over you when you rise and go.
birds
Tonight I am thinking about the pretty little birds that often visit my backyard. I put food out for them under the kitchen window and they come, sometimes 10 at a time, to eat and show off their beauty for me. I can't seem to get a photo of them. Picture me in my bathrobe and snow boots, hiding inside the garage door with a camera, hoping one will land in an opportune spot so I can capture something I have no right to. It's nature upon nature upon nature and then me, this pathetic human who wants to experience a small taste of its beauty. The birds are round and healthy and striking in the color contrast of feathers against white snow. They have a world, a culture all their own and they only mesh with mine when I put out good seeds for them to devour.
I'm not going to hand-feed application to this. We can all find meaning within our lives to parallel the awareness of birds in winter. Suffice it to say, that at the bare minimum of meaning, they are lovely and I enjoy them. I want them to keep coming and I will buy bird seed with my groceries to be the lady who feeds the birds.
Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. For our family, the festivities start tomorrow. We have church, family meal, gifts, and then Christmas with more of the same. I'm ready, I'm excited, I'm glad. Christmas is wonderful. Jesus is wonderful. It doesn't end with December 25...it only begins there. December 26 may be where all the miracles start to unfold....
I'm not going to hand-feed application to this. We can all find meaning within our lives to parallel the awareness of birds in winter. Suffice it to say, that at the bare minimum of meaning, they are lovely and I enjoy them. I want them to keep coming and I will buy bird seed with my groceries to be the lady who feeds the birds.
Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. For our family, the festivities start tomorrow. We have church, family meal, gifts, and then Christmas with more of the same. I'm ready, I'm excited, I'm glad. Christmas is wonderful. Jesus is wonderful. It doesn't end with December 25...it only begins there. December 26 may be where all the miracles start to unfold....
Love
Love: a verb: 1)Waiting instead of hurrying. 2)Showing up when there is no time. 3)Listening rather than talking. 4)Forgiving instead of holding a grudge. 5)Assuming the best. 6)Choosing kindness rather than anger. 7)Celebrating instead of envying. 8)Anticipating needs. 9)Choosing to be humble. 10)Never giving up-continuing to the end.
These are the words on a plaque I'm giving as a gift. Now they are also a gift to all of you. Merry Christmas.
These are the words on a plaque I'm giving as a gift. Now they are also a gift to all of you. Merry Christmas.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Gifts
What gifts stand out for you?
I have a few that I am thinking of. I remember getting a record for Christmas that I had asked for. It was the sound track to Saturday Night Fever, the John Travolta one? I remember opening it and being thrilled and amazed that I actually got something I wanted. Later, when we played the record, we would form microphones from tin foil and stand on the fire place hearth and sing along. I also remember getting my first diary, from my Auntie Von. She lived far away and sent me cool gifts and hand-written letters that made me feel important. The diary had Norman Rockwell photos on one side and a place to journal on the other. I cherished it for many years and still love N. Rockwell today.
My husband proposed to me at Christmas time. He got down on one knee in the snow and showed me an amazingly perfect ring. I still wear it. I didn't add to it or change it or replace it. The ring I saw on bended knee is the only one I want.
Under the tree are many gifts, some home-made, some store-bought. Many of the ornaments on the tree are made by our kids at school. The pictures and cards in our family room are all gifts, a glimpse into the lives of people we care a great deal for. Gifts are good. Memories are good. These are the things that mark the history of our lives! God is so good, to give us so many deep and full things to celebrate in Jesus' birthday.
I have a few that I am thinking of. I remember getting a record for Christmas that I had asked for. It was the sound track to Saturday Night Fever, the John Travolta one? I remember opening it and being thrilled and amazed that I actually got something I wanted. Later, when we played the record, we would form microphones from tin foil and stand on the fire place hearth and sing along. I also remember getting my first diary, from my Auntie Von. She lived far away and sent me cool gifts and hand-written letters that made me feel important. The diary had Norman Rockwell photos on one side and a place to journal on the other. I cherished it for many years and still love N. Rockwell today.
My husband proposed to me at Christmas time. He got down on one knee in the snow and showed me an amazingly perfect ring. I still wear it. I didn't add to it or change it or replace it. The ring I saw on bended knee is the only one I want.
Under the tree are many gifts, some home-made, some store-bought. Many of the ornaments on the tree are made by our kids at school. The pictures and cards in our family room are all gifts, a glimpse into the lives of people we care a great deal for. Gifts are good. Memories are good. These are the things that mark the history of our lives! God is so good, to give us so many deep and full things to celebrate in Jesus' birthday.
Why?
1. Why is it that I feel less tired and more able to stay up late if I don't have restless baby duty and I don't have to go to work in the morning?
2. Why is it that the closer I get to Christmas, the more I want to binge-buy stuff and get caught up in the material stuff?
3. Why is it that everything I want to eat is full of calories and fat?
4. Why is it that my God blessed me with four amazing children who are healthy, sweet, kind and so very soft to the touch?
5. Why is it that my husband can stay calm and not yell at me when I back out of the driveway...into his vehicle?
6. Why is it that there is so much money moving around the world and none of it lands in the purchase of our old house?
7. Why is it that I ache every single day for orphans and unborn babies who need families to love them?
8. Why is it that every time I attend chapel at my children's school, I choke back tears at the significance of it and the Presense of God there.
9. Why is it that even when I'm cold and incovenienced by it, I love the anticipation of a fresh snow fall?
10. Why is it that the art of living and the science of living are equally difficult to master?
2. Why is it that the closer I get to Christmas, the more I want to binge-buy stuff and get caught up in the material stuff?
3. Why is it that everything I want to eat is full of calories and fat?
4. Why is it that my God blessed me with four amazing children who are healthy, sweet, kind and so very soft to the touch?
5. Why is it that my husband can stay calm and not yell at me when I back out of the driveway...into his vehicle?
6. Why is it that there is so much money moving around the world and none of it lands in the purchase of our old house?
7. Why is it that I ache every single day for orphans and unborn babies who need families to love them?
8. Why is it that every time I attend chapel at my children's school, I choke back tears at the significance of it and the Presense of God there.
9. Why is it that even when I'm cold and incovenienced by it, I love the anticipation of a fresh snow fall?
10. Why is it that the art of living and the science of living are equally difficult to master?
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
What would it look like?
A Holy Night. I've been praying for one this Christmas season, for myself and for others. So what does that even mean, a holy night? How do I know if I've had it? In my feeble mind, I picture a night that feels restful but where I don't need to sleep. I picture communion with the Lord, watchfulness under the stars, prayer. Lots and lots of prayer. I imagine a visitation by angels, maybe even the ange Gabriel who visited Mary before she had Jesus. A Holy night might include God giving me a new poem, a song, a fresh scripture in the quiet of my house, as the family sleeps. A Holy night might just be sitting in the throne room of the Father, in attendance before Him, and nothing else happens. Maybe a new conviction or assignment or inspiration would come, a new calling upon my/your life. Who knows what could happen in one Holy night with God.
If any of you out there have had one recently, I'll love to hear about it. If I get mine for Christmas I'll be sure to let you know.
If any of you out there have had one recently, I'll love to hear about it. If I get mine for Christmas I'll be sure to let you know.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
prayer
Today I want to pray for all who are miserable this Christmas. As I become more enamoured with the holiday it strikes me that many become more depressed, more sad, more lonely, more angry...and I think it makes sense to say, "Help, Lord!"
Dear God, please help those among us who are feeling low this season. Whether it is physical, mental, emotional or spiritual pain, God, please break in and heal. By Jesus' holy name, grant healing and comfort and a new and fresh encounter with you, Lord. You came to Earth to love and heal and restore the brokenness in us. Pour out your favor on us, your people. Rain down mercy and love and a heavy dose of your Spirit power. Transform minds, Lord. Renew hearts. Do miracles. Make this an even more extravagant and merry Christmas this year. We love you, Jesus. Amen.
Dear God, please help those among us who are feeling low this season. Whether it is physical, mental, emotional or spiritual pain, God, please break in and heal. By Jesus' holy name, grant healing and comfort and a new and fresh encounter with you, Lord. You came to Earth to love and heal and restore the brokenness in us. Pour out your favor on us, your people. Rain down mercy and love and a heavy dose of your Spirit power. Transform minds, Lord. Renew hearts. Do miracles. Make this an even more extravagant and merry Christmas this year. We love you, Jesus. Amen.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Tonight I went to watch Claire's dance class for the Christmas observation time. Normally we don't get to watch but are invited for this little Christmas routine demonstration. After a pretty stressful start to the week with lots of arguing and verbal pushing and shoving between my daughter and I, it was a gift to be able to sit and watch her do the thing she loves so much, and be so beautiful doing it. We did resolve our issue and after about 2 days of mother-daughter squabbling, developed a nice contract agreement which we both signed, and we are getting along great again. So I got to watch her dance. She is changing right before my eyes, physically and mentally. She's growing up. Guess what? I'm not sad. I thought I would be. I thought I would miss her as a baby. She was so smart and alert and affectionate....I loved being her mom right away. The crazy thing is that I celebrate all her new phases, all of the changes and ways she is evolving. I stand amazed by her every single day. She's my first so its all new with her. Man, do I love to watch her dance.
Then. I went to Zumba. My dance/exercise class. The music started pumping loud and the perky, beautiful, stylish instructer flashed her big smile and flung her perfect pony tail and started to lead us in Zumba. This is fun, energetic, amazing exercise. I'm so bad at it. I'm a big elephant in the back, fighting like crazy to not trip and fall or bump into the ladies around me and I can't look at myself in the biiiiiigggggg mirror because I will either cry or bust out laughing. So I watch the zumba pants in the front, doing all the perfect moves, and I sweat and jump and tone and burn calories. Yikes.
I confess that I am growing new determination to make some changes in my life. I need to lose some weight and get more fit and develop some discipline. Sorry if the blog takes that tone for awhile. The blog has become my journal so deal with it or don't read...or join me and encourage, inspire, commiserate, share, help, root for me, tolerate it and hopefully, watch me transform. Want me to post a "before" picture of myself in a bikini? I think not. Put a picture in your mind of the elephant in the back of the zumba room. That'll do.
Then. I went to Zumba. My dance/exercise class. The music started pumping loud and the perky, beautiful, stylish instructer flashed her big smile and flung her perfect pony tail and started to lead us in Zumba. This is fun, energetic, amazing exercise. I'm so bad at it. I'm a big elephant in the back, fighting like crazy to not trip and fall or bump into the ladies around me and I can't look at myself in the biiiiiigggggg mirror because I will either cry or bust out laughing. So I watch the zumba pants in the front, doing all the perfect moves, and I sweat and jump and tone and burn calories. Yikes.
I confess that I am growing new determination to make some changes in my life. I need to lose some weight and get more fit and develop some discipline. Sorry if the blog takes that tone for awhile. The blog has become my journal so deal with it or don't read...or join me and encourage, inspire, commiserate, share, help, root for me, tolerate it and hopefully, watch me transform. Want me to post a "before" picture of myself in a bikini? I think not. Put a picture in your mind of the elephant in the back of the zumba room. That'll do.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
When I'm at work I often think that I need to work more hours. There is such need and such potential if I just worked more, not to mention the financial boost. When I'm at home, I mostly think about how I need to work less and be home more. There is such need and such potential if I just worked less, not to mention the mental sanity of it. It's just so hard when my heart is in both places. Who am I kidding? It's not like I have a choice. I can't quit my job and I can't afford to stay home. Sigh. Smile.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
1 John 3
"If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?"
Today, this verse is about more than dropping coins in the Salvation Army bucket outside of Wal-Mart. I'm looking at it and thinking about all of my material possessions. We have so much that I get crabby when its a mess. We have so much that we can't find some of it. We have so much that we forgot where we got some of it, or what its for! Every year at Christmas, we accumulate more of it, just in the spirit of Giving! If I had no material possessions and saw "my brother" (which is anyone with skin and a soul, I guess) in need, I would likely wrap my arms around him and share my body heat if I had nothing else. I would share my time and my presence if that's all I had to give. Why should it be different now? I know there are people in need. In addition to material things, they, too, need my love, my touch, my presense in their lives.
God does live in me. I am different because His will and His light and His mercy give me a direction and purpose each day. Sometimes, though, the world gets noisy and busy and I lose my "sight". I don't always see my brother in need. I hate that. Lord, clear out all the stuff that gets in the way so that I can see my brother in need and help. That brother won't know that your love is in me if I can't show it. Give me eyes to see the ones you place in my path and let your love shine through me, to them so that they may know you.
The love of God is in me because Jesus came to earth, gave us Christmas, lived, did miracles, taught, suffered, died, gave us Easter, conquered satan and lives today Eternally. I accept Him so He dwells in me. He is Imanuel, God with us, and He desires to not just hang out in our hearts, but to be glorified in us, to shine through us, to reach out to touch the hurting and the lost with our hands and our hearts and our lives. It should hurt. It should cost us something. Look what it cost God the Father, to give up his Son?
Today, this verse is about more than dropping coins in the Salvation Army bucket outside of Wal-Mart. I'm looking at it and thinking about all of my material possessions. We have so much that I get crabby when its a mess. We have so much that we can't find some of it. We have so much that we forgot where we got some of it, or what its for! Every year at Christmas, we accumulate more of it, just in the spirit of Giving! If I had no material possessions and saw "my brother" (which is anyone with skin and a soul, I guess) in need, I would likely wrap my arms around him and share my body heat if I had nothing else. I would share my time and my presence if that's all I had to give. Why should it be different now? I know there are people in need. In addition to material things, they, too, need my love, my touch, my presense in their lives.
God does live in me. I am different because His will and His light and His mercy give me a direction and purpose each day. Sometimes, though, the world gets noisy and busy and I lose my "sight". I don't always see my brother in need. I hate that. Lord, clear out all the stuff that gets in the way so that I can see my brother in need and help. That brother won't know that your love is in me if I can't show it. Give me eyes to see the ones you place in my path and let your love shine through me, to them so that they may know you.
The love of God is in me because Jesus came to earth, gave us Christmas, lived, did miracles, taught, suffered, died, gave us Easter, conquered satan and lives today Eternally. I accept Him so He dwells in me. He is Imanuel, God with us, and He desires to not just hang out in our hearts, but to be glorified in us, to shine through us, to reach out to touch the hurting and the lost with our hands and our hearts and our lives. It should hurt. It should cost us something. Look what it cost God the Father, to give up his Son?
Saturday, December 11, 2010
I got my snowstorm. I'm still in my slippers, folding laundry and haven't left the house. My crazy husband is in a racquetball tournament down the road...and the kids have been out to run and play in the blizzard twice already. Its only noon. Precious is pretty amped up with the steroids and all, but I think we're making progress. My big goal will be to make it across town to refill her script for nebulizer meds so we don't run out before monday.
Now that P is asleep, its time to light the fireplace and maybe jump on the eliptical for a half hour so that I can make room for some serious calories at supper. We have family friends coming over with their kids to eat and play games. I wish you all warmth, health and goodness today. Tomorrow is Sabboth for us. May we all find rest in Christ.
Now that P is asleep, its time to light the fireplace and maybe jump on the eliptical for a half hour so that I can make room for some serious calories at supper. We have family friends coming over with their kids to eat and play games. I wish you all warmth, health and goodness today. Tomorrow is Sabboth for us. May we all find rest in Christ.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Our appointment today went well. Thanks to all who were praying and thinking of us. Your encouraging words mean alot to me. The decision at this point is that Precious Maryn suffers from reactive airway disease. Whatever hits her system settles in her lungs. No suprise there but its good to have a name for it and a confident pediatrician who has a good plan in place. We are treating her with much higher doses of steroids for a week or so, depending on how wheezy she stays. We'll continue to do the nebulizers. We're also doing antibiotics for the sinus infection. After a week we will quit the steroids and abx and switch to an inhaler and singulair daily for a month, then go back to see him mid-January and after 3 months of this regimen decide if she needs other intervention, like tonsil/adenoid surgery. I'm thrilled with his firm and certain diagnisis and I love his cautious, yet much more aggressive treatment. He affirmed me and he and his nurse both agreed that she must be miserable (and us, too), and there is much room for improvement. Praise God!
The forcast is for snow and blowing snow tomorrow. I couldn't be more thrilled. I'm ready to be home for the day and cancel all the scheduled saturday events. I'm ready to burn my candles, eat my cookies, play a game or two with my kids, write on blogs, read a book, light the fire and snuggle on the couch. I can still wrap a few gifts that are tucked away in closets and move some decorations around. Roger hung the grandfather clock in our music/study room tonight so I can enjoy the hypnotic tick-tocking and the deep gong on the hour. I love the clock so much and so far, it has stood silent in this new house, waiting for the right bracket to hang on. More and more, this house is feeling like home.
We get 2 more weeks to really focus in on Christmas, the Christ child, the Savior. We get 2 more weeks to listen to music and buy gifts for people we love and to celebrate and remember and anticipate. After that, it all goes back the way it was and we who love the Lord will still fight to put Him first, but it won't be as easy. Its Christmas. Its easy now, not later. Thank you, Jesus, for coming to Earth. Thank you so much for Christmas. Claire and I did our toes tonight. Red and green. We are so feelin the spirit of Christmas around here this year. Love it, love it, love it!
The forcast is for snow and blowing snow tomorrow. I couldn't be more thrilled. I'm ready to be home for the day and cancel all the scheduled saturday events. I'm ready to burn my candles, eat my cookies, play a game or two with my kids, write on blogs, read a book, light the fire and snuggle on the couch. I can still wrap a few gifts that are tucked away in closets and move some decorations around. Roger hung the grandfather clock in our music/study room tonight so I can enjoy the hypnotic tick-tocking and the deep gong on the hour. I love the clock so much and so far, it has stood silent in this new house, waiting for the right bracket to hang on. More and more, this house is feeling like home.
We get 2 more weeks to really focus in on Christmas, the Christ child, the Savior. We get 2 more weeks to listen to music and buy gifts for people we love and to celebrate and remember and anticipate. After that, it all goes back the way it was and we who love the Lord will still fight to put Him first, but it won't be as easy. Its Christmas. Its easy now, not later. Thank you, Jesus, for coming to Earth. Thank you so much for Christmas. Claire and I did our toes tonight. Red and green. We are so feelin the spirit of Christmas around here this year. Love it, love it, love it!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Christmas thoughts
1. The new Christmas music I am hearing on the radio is deeper and richer and fuller than ever. Christian musicians are really yearning and reaching to grasp and share the mystery and wonder and power and meaning of the Christ child. I want to do the same.
2. Satan's days are numbered. Ours go on to infinity, in Christ Jesus. All because he came to save us. No wonder the devil hates Christmas so much.
2. Satan's days are numbered. Ours go on to infinity, in Christ Jesus. All because he came to save us. No wonder the devil hates Christmas so much.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Tonight I am thinking about pain and illness. As a nurse, these are common threads in my daily tapestry. As a prayer warrior, an intercessor, I am often asked to pray for healing in response to pain and illness. What I have noticed is that the definition of pain and illness is getting broader and more inclusive. There are just so many ways to hurt and to be sick. I do community health nursing so I see alot. I'm pretty convinced that if it breaks my heart, it also breaks the heart of the Lord. This peaks my interest even more. What does God want. He wants us to fix our eyes on Him, to cry our in our pain and disease and to ask for mercy, for healing, for wholeness. Our infirmity reminds us that the only one who is Perfect and Whole and Well is God. Sickness is from the world. Wellness is from God. If we are not satisfied in our disease, then we know deep down we are only satisfied in God's version of health and wellness. Our illness makes us reach for God. When we decide that what hurts is not ok, we turn to God and pray for healing, we look for the answer, the solution, that will make us well. That's really great. Satan may have a good time with the long list of ways to be sick and hurting but God will work it all out for His glory and perfect plan. We. Will. All. Be. Well. Someday. Jesus is coming back. He will make the wrong things right and it may be pretty ugly for awhile, but in the end, God wins. We the redeemed win, too.
A couple of months ago I fell and pulled the tendons in my left foot. Every single night I wake up to stabbing pains in my foot. Its fine during the day and I don't wear a brace anymore. I haven't exercised much since the injury. It affected my life in a big way. When I wake up in pain, I pray and ask God to heal it. My pain makes me reach for God's healing.
Precious Maryn is sick again. Or still. Its hard to keep track. Last night we had more awake minutes than sleep minutes and yet I still had to do my day today and be a nurse and help others in their suffering. I'm dreading the night time tonight when I yield to sleep and then have to wake up hour after hour to help her in her suffering. I have semi-high hopes for the pulmonary pediatricion we will see on friday. No one at the local clinic has been able to help much so far. I cry out in prayer for her to be well. We have prayed over her, annointed her, and lifted her up to God over and over, that He would heal her and give her rest and good health. So far, she is not healed...but we are crying out. Her illness, her restless nights, her suffering reminds us that we need the Savior. We need Jesus, the Healer.
I won't presume to answer for why God answers some prayers for healing and not others. I will continue to reach for Jesus and for His healing in every way because disease is from the world and Wellness is from God. Lord, tonight, may we find rest under your wings and have more sleep than suffering. Please ease my baby's breathing and congestion and discomfort. Please heal my foot so that I don't feel the stabbing pain in the night, and that I have strength to exercise and be more fit and healthy. Amen.
A couple of months ago I fell and pulled the tendons in my left foot. Every single night I wake up to stabbing pains in my foot. Its fine during the day and I don't wear a brace anymore. I haven't exercised much since the injury. It affected my life in a big way. When I wake up in pain, I pray and ask God to heal it. My pain makes me reach for God's healing.
Precious Maryn is sick again. Or still. Its hard to keep track. Last night we had more awake minutes than sleep minutes and yet I still had to do my day today and be a nurse and help others in their suffering. I'm dreading the night time tonight when I yield to sleep and then have to wake up hour after hour to help her in her suffering. I have semi-high hopes for the pulmonary pediatricion we will see on friday. No one at the local clinic has been able to help much so far. I cry out in prayer for her to be well. We have prayed over her, annointed her, and lifted her up to God over and over, that He would heal her and give her rest and good health. So far, she is not healed...but we are crying out. Her illness, her restless nights, her suffering reminds us that we need the Savior. We need Jesus, the Healer.
I won't presume to answer for why God answers some prayers for healing and not others. I will continue to reach for Jesus and for His healing in every way because disease is from the world and Wellness is from God. Lord, tonight, may we find rest under your wings and have more sleep than suffering. Please ease my baby's breathing and congestion and discomfort. Please heal my foot so that I don't feel the stabbing pain in the night, and that I have strength to exercise and be more fit and healthy. Amen.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Christmas time
It's Christmas time. We are digging chocolates out of the calenders Auntie Laura sent. We are listening to festive music when we do the dishes. The kids are desperately trying to break the code on the gifts under the tree, so that they can know which ones are for them. It's Christmas time. We are practicing for the program at church, planning for violin recital and buying treats for classrooms. We are gathering a new wall of cards and photos from family and friends. It's Christmas time. What's on my list for Santa? I want to go visit Sarah in India for the first time. I want to adopt again. I want to find the rest of my sheets that have lost their mates in our move. I want to find the mystery mouse in the basement...and set him free of course. I want Precious Maryn to get healthier and sleep better and wean off her bottle. I want regular dates with my husband. Santa, are you listening? It's Christmas time. There is much sorrow and suffering everywhere. I want to reach for my Saviour and thank Him again and again and again for coming to Earth to save me. Christmas is definitely worth celebrating. Without all the extras, the holiday would still mean everything, but lets face it, the extras are pretty great, too.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Fresh awe
I have challenged myself to experience fresh awe in Jesus this Christmas. I am striving to experience the love and power and purpose of my Savior, even more than I have in the past. I want the story of Christ's birth, the music, the pictures and letters and good wishes, I want the gifts and the decorations and the lights to all be more significant and glorious than ever.
Thursday at a prayer meeting, we all sang the name of Jesus over and over and over and I felt fresh awe, just in the beautiful name. Last night I was up with restless Precious and I prayed, "Lord, it would be wonderful to see snow tomorrow. I don't have to rush around, I get to rest and enjoy my home. I would love to see snow out the window." He answered that prayer and as I was dozing on the couch in the afternoon on this Sabboth day, there were snow flurries blowing around. Again, fresh awe. A reminder that He is listening and the answer is not always "no".
Oh come, oh come Immanuel. God with us. Be near, Lord. Be with me. Help me to see what you see this Christmas and to know you more in this season. I am sorry you had to die on the cross to save me. I hope Christmas doesn't make you feel sad about that. I know you would say I was worth it and I would not feel like I was. I mess up so much. I am so imperfect that it is hard to wrap my brain around your perfection. I'm sorry for my flaws and failures. I have to live in this world but help me, Oh Jesus, help to not be of this world. I choose you. I want your world and your way and your will. It was your will that you would come to earth and live as a human so that you could save us. Thanks. I want to live like it mattered that you did that. Show me how to live like you matter most of all, Lord Jesus. Thank you for Christmas. Without it there would be no salvation and with no salvation there would be no hope. I am in fresh awe of hope. Amen.
Thursday at a prayer meeting, we all sang the name of Jesus over and over and over and I felt fresh awe, just in the beautiful name. Last night I was up with restless Precious and I prayed, "Lord, it would be wonderful to see snow tomorrow. I don't have to rush around, I get to rest and enjoy my home. I would love to see snow out the window." He answered that prayer and as I was dozing on the couch in the afternoon on this Sabboth day, there were snow flurries blowing around. Again, fresh awe. A reminder that He is listening and the answer is not always "no".
Oh come, oh come Immanuel. God with us. Be near, Lord. Be with me. Help me to see what you see this Christmas and to know you more in this season. I am sorry you had to die on the cross to save me. I hope Christmas doesn't make you feel sad about that. I know you would say I was worth it and I would not feel like I was. I mess up so much. I am so imperfect that it is hard to wrap my brain around your perfection. I'm sorry for my flaws and failures. I have to live in this world but help me, Oh Jesus, help to not be of this world. I choose you. I want your world and your way and your will. It was your will that you would come to earth and live as a human so that you could save us. Thanks. I want to live like it mattered that you did that. Show me how to live like you matter most of all, Lord Jesus. Thank you for Christmas. Without it there would be no salvation and with no salvation there would be no hope. I am in fresh awe of hope. Amen.
Friday, December 3, 2010
the bus
Yesterday Claire came home from school in tears. This is the first year our kids have bussed to and from school and I have always heard horror stories about the school bus, but this was our first personal one. Why does that happy, bouncy bus have to cause so much trauma! I know why, its unsupervised kids who are not seat-belted and have bottled up energy....I get it. The bus is not our friend.
It wasn't a horrific event, just hard. Some boys from her class started teasing her and likely meant no harm but they just kept at it and then some older boys chimed in and it escalated to yelling, taunting and jeering. Again, it was just "oooh he's your boyfriend" kinds of stuff, not actual bullying but for my dear, tender daughter, it was a nightmare. I think she was most affected by the fact that the bus driver did not defent her. So far in her life, when peer stuff got too much, an adult always stepped in to solve the problem.
These are growing pains for our family. She's the oldest. I'm a VERY attached parent. Inside I was seething and planning revenge and intervention, but on the outside, I just pulled my almost teenage daughter onto my lap and held her close as she cried and told me word for word how the scene played out. The boys were in the room too and had been on the bus but they didn't know what to do either. They were waiting anxiously for my response.
"Here's what we're gonna do, Claire. We'll dress Jeremiah in a super hero suit with a cape and mask. We'll give him a baseball bat. We'll drive him to the homes of each of those boys and he can get out and go to the door. He'll quietly tap on the door...with the bat. When the door opens, he will calmly ask to see the perpetrator. When said boy comes to the door, he'll clench his jaws, draw back the bat and say, "...if you EVER make my sister cry again you're gettin a piece of THIS!!!!!".....
So then we all got the giggles and Jeremiah practiced...until I told him I was just kidding. She said she would figure out what to do. I told her to look them in the eye next time. That's a must. Look them in the eye and say, "Stop it."
These will likely be the boys asking to take her to the prom some day soon. Then they get to deal with me. And her brother. And his bat.
It wasn't a horrific event, just hard. Some boys from her class started teasing her and likely meant no harm but they just kept at it and then some older boys chimed in and it escalated to yelling, taunting and jeering. Again, it was just "oooh he's your boyfriend" kinds of stuff, not actual bullying but for my dear, tender daughter, it was a nightmare. I think she was most affected by the fact that the bus driver did not defent her. So far in her life, when peer stuff got too much, an adult always stepped in to solve the problem.
These are growing pains for our family. She's the oldest. I'm a VERY attached parent. Inside I was seething and planning revenge and intervention, but on the outside, I just pulled my almost teenage daughter onto my lap and held her close as she cried and told me word for word how the scene played out. The boys were in the room too and had been on the bus but they didn't know what to do either. They were waiting anxiously for my response.
"Here's what we're gonna do, Claire. We'll dress Jeremiah in a super hero suit with a cape and mask. We'll give him a baseball bat. We'll drive him to the homes of each of those boys and he can get out and go to the door. He'll quietly tap on the door...with the bat. When the door opens, he will calmly ask to see the perpetrator. When said boy comes to the door, he'll clench his jaws, draw back the bat and say, "...if you EVER make my sister cry again you're gettin a piece of THIS!!!!!".....
So then we all got the giggles and Jeremiah practiced...until I told him I was just kidding. She said she would figure out what to do. I told her to look them in the eye next time. That's a must. Look them in the eye and say, "Stop it."
These will likely be the boys asking to take her to the prom some day soon. Then they get to deal with me. And her brother. And his bat.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
ugh.
Tonight I had the rare duty and honor to fill in for my husband at our wednesday night church night. I am not fond of Wednesday night church because it is chaotic, and mid-week and makes the kids tired for the rest of the week. I need help feeling convinced that it grows them spiritually, and so once a month or so, when Roger is travelling for work, I get to fill in and teach his class of third grade kids.
Our dear son Isaac is in this class and this class tests the best of them. It must have been God's sense of humor that caused so many rowdy boys to be born that year, mixed with some super-smart girls and, yes, believe it or not, a set of quadruplet girls. In our little bitty midwestern town...so about once a month I sub for my hubby and grit my teeth and do the mid-week church night.
Today I worked a nine-hour day, after a night with Precious who was up only once...for an hour at 2am...and then scooped up the kids for church. We started practicing for the Christmas program. I found myself doing this crazy deep-breathing exercise and imposing it on the program director: breathe in and say" I love Jesus"...breathe out and say, "I love Christmas"...chaos, kids poking, shoving, laughing, jumping. Chaos, teachers threatening, loving, redirecting, glaring. It's so loud. Chaos (man my head hurts, throbbing really), hope Precious is okay in the nursery. She's tired and has not eaten much. Chaos. Holding 2 bibles for random 8 year olds, reassuring one over-achiever that we will in fact have time to review the notebook I secretly circulate, to keep track of who is good and bad in class when Roger teaches. Seriously, I have such a thing. The kids take it very seriously.
So in the middle of the chaos I happen to visit with a teacher from another grade who is frustrated and disollusioned by the experience teaching this year. Man, do I feel his pain. I move on, scold a few children, rub my throbbing temples, smile at the director and some adorable kindergarten boys who are yawning and begging to sit down but may not. I start to look at the kids. I begin to see them through God's eyes. I watch them sing and struggle to follow the gestures and learn the program. Wow. There are alot of kids up there. This is my church. This is the next generation. These are the future leaders and prayer warriors and elders and deacons and quilters and teachers. And they are singing Away in A Manger...
And God moved me.
So I looked at the frustrated teacher's class up there and saw the pain and the struggle and the heart ache and the potential and the hope in Jesus name in their faces, and I knew that this teacher who was fed up was there for these kids on purpose. I saw that God ordained it and placed him there for them and that he wanted me to go tell this guy who I barely know, that he matters to them. Good grief. I have a head ache. I'm only a sub. I wanna go home. But okay, Lord, I will. So I go and sit beside him and tell him all of this. Yep, I'm the crazy lady at church who does the crazy mystic stuff because if I don't I will be at odds with my Lord. Trust me, that feels much worse.
He thanked me. I thanked God. I praised Him for these crazy, obnoxious, energetic kids and then I worked like mad to get my four home and in bed on time.
God is so good, and he is good to us as adults, but he especially loves the kids. Please hear this and understand it. He really, really, really loves our kids. Please join me in feeling the weight of this and trying to do a better job of loving them too.
Our dear son Isaac is in this class and this class tests the best of them. It must have been God's sense of humor that caused so many rowdy boys to be born that year, mixed with some super-smart girls and, yes, believe it or not, a set of quadruplet girls. In our little bitty midwestern town...so about once a month I sub for my hubby and grit my teeth and do the mid-week church night.
Today I worked a nine-hour day, after a night with Precious who was up only once...for an hour at 2am...and then scooped up the kids for church. We started practicing for the Christmas program. I found myself doing this crazy deep-breathing exercise and imposing it on the program director: breathe in and say" I love Jesus"...breathe out and say, "I love Christmas"...chaos, kids poking, shoving, laughing, jumping. Chaos, teachers threatening, loving, redirecting, glaring. It's so loud. Chaos (man my head hurts, throbbing really), hope Precious is okay in the nursery. She's tired and has not eaten much. Chaos. Holding 2 bibles for random 8 year olds, reassuring one over-achiever that we will in fact have time to review the notebook I secretly circulate, to keep track of who is good and bad in class when Roger teaches. Seriously, I have such a thing. The kids take it very seriously.
So in the middle of the chaos I happen to visit with a teacher from another grade who is frustrated and disollusioned by the experience teaching this year. Man, do I feel his pain. I move on, scold a few children, rub my throbbing temples, smile at the director and some adorable kindergarten boys who are yawning and begging to sit down but may not. I start to look at the kids. I begin to see them through God's eyes. I watch them sing and struggle to follow the gestures and learn the program. Wow. There are alot of kids up there. This is my church. This is the next generation. These are the future leaders and prayer warriors and elders and deacons and quilters and teachers. And they are singing Away in A Manger...
And God moved me.
So I looked at the frustrated teacher's class up there and saw the pain and the struggle and the heart ache and the potential and the hope in Jesus name in their faces, and I knew that this teacher who was fed up was there for these kids on purpose. I saw that God ordained it and placed him there for them and that he wanted me to go tell this guy who I barely know, that he matters to them. Good grief. I have a head ache. I'm only a sub. I wanna go home. But okay, Lord, I will. So I go and sit beside him and tell him all of this. Yep, I'm the crazy lady at church who does the crazy mystic stuff because if I don't I will be at odds with my Lord. Trust me, that feels much worse.
He thanked me. I thanked God. I praised Him for these crazy, obnoxious, energetic kids and then I worked like mad to get my four home and in bed on time.
God is so good, and he is good to us as adults, but he especially loves the kids. Please hear this and understand it. He really, really, really loves our kids. Please join me in feeling the weight of this and trying to do a better job of loving them too.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)