tuition

My friend Sarah of Sarahscovenanthomes.blogspot.com needs $1000.00 to pay the tuition balance for their kids who attend mainstream private school.  This fee is overdue and the need is great so the kids will be allowed back to school to finish their year.  Its almost summer break and they are so close.  If 10 of us could write a check or send a paypal donation  of $100.00 in the next 24 hours she can pay the balance and they can finish.  Will you help?  If you want to donate directly, just go to her blog, mentioned above and scroll down the side.  Its easy to do. If you want to give me a check, I'll get it to her asap.  Help?

jars, oil

Today, if my jars are prayers and expectation, then I am going to the neighbors (that means all of you) and asking for jars.  Please lend me your jars so that God can pour healing oil into them.  Please lend me  your jars so that God can fill them with the oil of provision, peace, strength and endurance.  I believe in  His power, I"m asking for His jars.

Claire has been home sick all week with classic flu stuff.  I didn't take her in because they don't treat healthy 11-year old girls for flu. Motrin, rest, fluids.  I know, I know.  Yesterday Precious came home from daycare with a temp of 102....that went to 105 by bedtime and 106.1 by 3:30am.  It was a long and fretful night, filled with fear of seizures, etc.  We survived and went to the clinic asap today.  She has Influenza B and an ear infection.  Poor babe.  I'm grateful they could diagnose and treat here correctly and efficiently (oil in a jar), and that there is hope and expectation for a full recovery (more oil, filling the jar).  Claire and Precious both sick is really hard.  I'm exhausted, the house is a mess, my work is suffering.  Ugh. 

Please just lend me your jars of prayers and encouragement so that God can fill them with the oil that I can use to support my family, to keep us going. 

The widow's oil is a priceless thing, its all she had
As an offering to save her babes, to save her home,
So the widow's oil will stand alone as the Way,
The Truth, the Power, the Life...but the jars are empty,
The Widow is tired.  The oil is coming, the faith is sure.

Bring the jars....to the Widow...bring the Jars...to the fount,
Bring the jars...to the Widow, that the Lord will set them out
With the oil....for the Widow, with the oil...for the meek,
With the oil....for the broken, and the oil she will keep.

find me a melody and I'll write you the song.

2 Kings 4: The Widow's Oil

First of all, just the name:  the Widow's Oil sounds like the lyrics to a song.  If someone hasn't written it yet, it should be done.  Maybe I'll write it myself.  There is just so much in this story, people.  Seriously.  Yesterday's thought, for me, was that she shut the door as instructed by Elisha, before she and her sons began to fill the jars.  Why shut the door?  Maybe obedience should be done in private sometimes.  Maybe when God tells you to do something you should just shut the door and do it, not inviting curious strangers to peer in the windows and ask lots of questions? Maybe the miracle could only take place in a quiet place of concentrated attention.  Not sure. 

Today I'm thinking about the jars.  She needed jars before she began to pour the oil.  She didn't have enough jars so she had to ask for more, so that her resource, her one thing to use could be multiplied.  Do I have enough jars ready to fill?  Do I have enough faith and expectation and promise that if I set out all the jars, that oil will fill them in excess?  Lord, I want to. 

Of course, right now its all about India so I look for application about our trip.  I also need to stretch beyond India to the present and the future beyond India.  For now, I have literally set out a few jars, and made sure I took the lids off.  I welcome the oil.  I am praying in expectation for the oil, the faith, and the promise that God will give me what I stand in need of, if I offer my commodity, my resourse, my one thing worth sharing. 

The next big question coming is this:  What is my widow's oil?  What is yours?

not gonna discuss it

So I could write on and on about sick.  I'm just not gonna discuss it.  We're not done, suffice it to say.  There are better things to write about.  Like 2 Kings 4, the story of the Widow's Oil.  Today I was putting lotion on after my shower.  I sort of have a lotion fettish.  I hate dry skin.  My dear husband makes fun of me, saying I could not survive in a country for very long without lotion.  Praying India has some or will let me take mine in for a couple of weeks.  Anyway!  As I was doing this, I took note that I have been out of lotion for months.  It was on my shopping list 3 months ago and I decided I could scrape and scrounge through drawers and cupboards for awhile without buying a new jug.  I'm trying to do a better job with my shopping. I stood there in the bathroom, making eye contact with myself, recalling the many tubes and jars and bottles of almost empty lotion I had discovered, and I started to think about oil. 

This is often how it goes with God and me.  It's a bunny trail.  It's connect the dots.  Its thought to thought to thought...and then the pause.  Lord, what are you trying to tell me here?  Look at oil.  Think about oil.  Go to the bible and search oil.  So as I'm drying my hair, that's what I did.  I came to 2 Kings 4.  Lord.  You amaze me. 

I will likely be on 2 Kings 4 for awhile.  I am taking a survey, picking brains, praying into it, wondering, meditating, considering.  There is a message for yours truly in 2 Kings 4.  Maybe for you as well.  Please dig into it, pray, ask for wisdom and revelation.  If you want, please share with me your thoughts.  I'm not doing a regular bible study with any other women right now.  Maybe we could blog one, at least concerning 2 Kings 4.  Share your thoughts in comments, or email me at:  kredit@mtcnet.net.  God, you and I are gonna go here because we are not gonna discuss sick today.

Josh Wilson - I Refuse (Slideshow With Lyrics)

The video deal gets tricky with music already on my blog. Just click on the pause button of the ipod and you should be able to play this video. This is Josh Wilson. He opened for Matthew West at the concert we went to tonight. This song moves me in the deep way that requires expression. Some songs just do. I'm getting asked about going to India. I need to find time to collect my thoughts in a way that provides an answer that makes sense. Unfortunately, its more about a journey than a call to a mission trip. This song speaks to much of it. It started when we were in our adoption process and I began to read adoption blogs. An adoptive mom blogged about this woman in India who had started orphan homes for abandoned special needs children. I was pierced by this. If I wasn't me, doing what I do here....I could have been her, doing what she is doing there. We have become friends, through cyberspace. She has a goal to start a worship training for women in India to equip them to understand worship, to know to whom they give their worship, and to freely worship. She invited me to come and help. I have ached to meet and hold and love on the 80 or so kids in her care, at Sarah's Covenant Homes....so with God's blessing, I will be able to do both in one trip. That's the jist of it. The bottom line is that I refuse to not move, to not act, to not care. I can't do it all but I can do something.

goofy

Goofy looks like this.  I get on my elyptical for some cardio.  I'm stressed, aching for some endorphins and convicted by the junk food I've eaten lately.  I turn on the tv because I don't have any good upbeat music to exercise to.  What do I watch as I'm chugging along, dripping with sweat?  Father so and so on the Christian network, preaching on The Comforter, the Holy Spirit.  His quotes were from writers I admire.  His scripture was dead-on inspiring to me.  I felt God pull me through my weakness to His strength.  So goofy.

Goofy looks like sick kids who stay home from school with fevers but feel good and play ball in the driveway with neighbor kids, even though its only 30 degrees outside.  Then they melt down at bedtime.  Goofy.

Goofy looks like Precious Maryn taking apart her nebulizer parts just to play with them.  She has lots of toys but she really likes her nebulizer....when its in parts. 

Life can be so serious and heavy and responsible.  Ugh.  Its definitely necessary to find some goofy.  Shower me with some goofy.....what does goofy mean to you?

Oh, yeah, one more thing.  Precious has a book that sings....you know the kind.  Very annoying.  Well, its Elmo and its about potty time.....its so goofy. 

sick of sick

It's time for the winds of change to blow.  It's time for a supernatural immune system boost.  It's time for fresh air and health and wellness.  It's time to be done with the fevers, cough, diarrhea, sore throats, chills, aches, cramps, runny nose.  If its not my own kids, its my sitter's kids or my clients kids or the kids of my boss or my co-worker or my friend or my neighbor. I have to throw away a perfectly good box of crackers because two sick little brothers got into my stash at my WIC clinic today and were shoving their germy little fists into the box over and over again, contaminating my lunch.  Gggrrrr.   I am so sick of sick.  I crave health.  I crave strength and energy and fullness and purpose and accomplishment and achievement, rather than feeling week and tired and behind at everything.  Good grief.  I am so sick of sick. 

Precious is on the mend, after a spontaneous trip back to the pediatric pulmonologist yesterday.  Isaac is back at school, no more trips to the bathroom.  Now Jeremiah is feverish.  Again.  Claire's holding steady.  She has a freakishly strong immune system, much like her father.  A friend in her class reportedly had a fever of 104 this week, however.  Can we pleeeaaassseee talk about something other than sick?!  I'm so sick of sick. 

Yes, I am a nurse.  Yes, I do sick for a living.  I also do lots of other things.  Lets talk about increasing our daily amount of fruits and vegetables, or smoking cessasion or self care.  Lets talk about good hygiene or diabetes prevention or exercise.  Lets talk about typical development for a 7 month old infant, or what shots a child needs before she starts school.  Lets talk about health promotion, disease prevention.....I am just so sick of sick.

Tomorrow, even though I should be catching up on paper work, spending time at the office and getting groceries, I will likely be washing all of the bedding in our house, spraying lysol everywhere and wiping down all surfaces with bleach.  Fun, fun.  I won't open windows because the forcast is for freezing temps and snow.  Yippee. 

I'm whiney.  I'm frustrated.  I'm sounding like a broken record.  I don't have any good reason to be crabby.  We are not fighting cancer or bankrupcy or divorce or anything serious.  We're just fighting fevers and exhaustion and dust and viral ick.  Some of you dear souls will contact me and tell me you are praying for me.  Its ok, really.  I'm fine.  I'm just crabby.  Pray for world peace and an end to sex trafficing.  Pray for the orphans and the poor and the widows.  Pray for lost people who worship gods that do not live and breathe and love and help and care.  Pray for families who are adopting and children who are waiting.  Pray for those who want to give up on love.  Pray for broken families and for those who are healing.  Pray for foster care.  Pray for government and for charity.  Pray for the Holy Spirit to move and shake and stir things up so that God can be glorified and we cannot.  Pray for revival and for a great harvest of human souls.  Pray as the Lord whispers in the night, pray as He leads as you travel in your car.  Pray as your thoughts wander when you listen to really good music.  The point at which your prayers move you to reach for Heaven, or fall to your knees, or bow your head and weep because you encounter the Presence of Holy God....pray praises for that.  If you are moved to tears.  If your throat tightens and your chest feels heavy as you worship, pray praises for that. 

I'll put my big girl pants on tomorrow and I'll walk out my stuff.  I'll get it done because this is what living looks like sometimes.  Sometimes it is comforting a sick child day after day, child after child, depending on the grace and kindness of employers.  Sometimes it is peace and tranquility in the back yard, with a rake in hand and birds singing.  Sometimes it is planning a trip to India to love and serve and learn.  This is what living looks like sometimes. 

OK, so parenting calls.  Better go.  Bless you all, the sick and the well. 

why India?

Spring has sprung!  With it come some new buds and shoots and growth opportunities.  For right now, around our house, the talk is about India.  I have a chance to go and help with a school of worship training for women in India.  I may even have a chance to go visit an orphanage center that has been close to my heart since we began our adoption process. The orphanage is Sarah's Covenant Homes, under a bigger ministry called Indian Christian Ministries.  It's a long story but a short call.  Sarah, my friend that I met through blogging and adoption, is feeling called to teach worship to Indian women.  She needs people to come and share in this effort.  I want to go.  I plan to go.  I sent my passport renewal off today.  I need prayer.  My dear sweet Jesus sister, Deanne is planning to go with me.  We would welcome any one else who feels the pull.  Why India?

I could find lots of statistics and research about how much God is working in India.  I could likely site bible references about how important it is to go where God is working and join Him there.  I could.  I'm short on time.  I'm stirring risotto on the stove and Precious is napping, briefly.  Claire is practicing violin, Roger is heading for a meeting.  The boys are rough-housing in the basement.  Time is of the essence.  That's why India.  I may not get many more chances to do mission work.  I want to go and sow seeds of worship and reverence and awe for Jesus among Indian women.  I love the children of India.  I love the 80 or so that are loved by Sarah's Covenant Homes, and the 2 we have sponsored through Compassion International throughout the 14 years of our marriage.  We thought when we planned to adopt, we would adopt through India.  Instead, we have Precious Maryn.  Maybe someday there will be Indian children in our home but for now, there is a need to go and serve and love and share time and space in India.  I'm going. 

Please pray for us as we navigate the process.  Timing, money, peace, provision.  We need it all.  I serve a mission field within and right outside my door 24/7.  That's well and good and will still be here after this trip.  Pray that if God opens doors, we will walk through, and if not, we will turn another direction.  Pray that His name is honored and advanced and mine is not.  Pray for my husband and children who kind of get it, but kind of wonder why being here to make banana bread and read stories is good, but maybe not enough for now.  Life is short.  The harvest is plentiful but often, sadly, the workers are few.  For a brief season I would like permission to be a worker.  Please pray. 

India is a beautiful country rich with purpose, history and love.  I just want to sow into a small seed of it, for a couple of weeks.  Please pray.

scripture sunday

"Let us therefore draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and may find grace to help in time of need."  Hebrews 4:16

This morning this verse speaks to me in this way.  I may come boldly, and with confidence.  I may come unashamedly to Jesus to find mercy and grace and help in time of need.  He's not qualifying my need.  I says I qualify becaus of what He did for me on the cross.  He's not saying, only come if your need is worthy or selfless or just.  He's not saying only draw near after you have performed the A.C.TS. of prayer (you know, the affirmation, confession, thanksgiving, supplication order).  He says let us draw near.  He says come to the throne of grace.  He says receive.  Christ is waiting to give, to grace, to help, but He is such a gentleman, that He won't pour it out unless I draw near.  Beautiful. 

I get to ask for healing for my aching back, my tired and painful feet.  I get to ask for healing and help for my silly toenail that continues to painfully loosen and fall off and grow back and repeat the horrible process.  It actually matters to God that I am fully well, down to my toes.  Beautiful.  Not me, but He...is...beautiful.  I get to come with confidence and ask for grace and mercy and help to manage my household, my finances, my thought life, my hopes and dreams, my desires and my cravings.  Jesus actually cares about it all.  He went to the cross and died for all of it.  He went to the cross for us to have full restoration, full access to unity with Him, with the Father, with the Holy Spirit. 

Jesus, please heal Precious Maryn again.  She is sick and in need of your healing touch.  Pour it out, Lord, over her, over me, over my family and my home and my community.  Let your healing waters flow here.  Amen.

I have a  phrase from a song running through my mind today.  I can't get to the chorus inside my head so I can't get to the name of the song.  I can't give the singer credit this morning.  For all I know, its actually on the playlist of my music.  Later today I'll let the thing run awhile and see if I get to it.  The phrase is this:  "If I never walk on water, if I never see the miracle, if I never hear Your voice so loud.....just knowing that You love me is enough...."

Feel free to comment and refresh my memory.  I think its Misty Edwards.  It usually is.  Anyway.  I've been sitting quietly before God, wondering if He has any opinions or directions for me.  I've been trying to remain attentive.  The crazy thing is, since I've been more purposeful in this way, I feel like I'm hearing lots of things differently.  I am starting to hear my son better.  He doesn't communicate well.  I have to listen very closely.  We've made some huge progress in the last day or so.....and I'm hearing birds outside chatter and sing and move in the trees.  Its more than what I'm hearing.  It is listening. 

Holy Father, I want to listen better.  Great Physician, open my ears and refine the sounds that enter in, that I can hear in a new way, what You want me to hear.  God, I see you.  I feel you in so many different ways.  Sometimes I even catch a glimpse of the fragrance of you.  You promise in Psalm 34 that I can taste and see that you, Oh Lord, are good.  All of my senses were created to experience you.  Today, God, pour out your power and your teaching and your intense love in the way that I listen.  Let my listening be worship today, Father.  Even if you don't speak.  I want to listen.  Amen.

Spring

Spring is right around the corner.  With Spring comes a desire to start fresh, to begin new things, to clean up and clean out.  I need to take some time with God to look at that and see what He thinks should happen as we welcome in Spring.  What new things will we begin together, Lord?  I met with a team to begin more regular blog posting for Katelyn's Fund blog.  I'm looking forward to participating in that.  More to come as we get that going.  I'm trying to figure out if I can get to India to SCH at some point.  Its proving more complicated than I imagined.

  What must I clean out, Lord?  What needs decluttering?  Spring brings swollen buds on tree branches, just aching and waiting to burst open in new growth, in leaves and flowers and extensions of the tree.  When that happens, the tree becomes beautiful and useful and productive, purposeful and glorifying.  I've been watching the trees for a few weeks, watching these buds appear and grow.   In the spring season metaphor, I'm definitely in the "bud on the branch" place.

Saturday I will participate in a Healing and Deliverance Conference locally.  I'm going to learn and to pray and to receive.  I'm looking at the following verses as I prepare to attend this event.

Isaiah 58:6-9:  Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke?  Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter-when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?  Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear gaurd.  Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

Yes, this is the Cat in the Hat and a Tele-tubby, holding her up. For my child who fears pain more than death, it took great courage for her to allow them to life her up. Silly, but true.

Courageous, or not...

Courage.  Courage describes how I feel when I step out of my comfort zone to do something bigger.  Courage feels like excitement, nervousness, resolve, steady peace and strength.  Courage is hard to find words for until the situation is upon you.  Jeremiah discovered it the first time he had to swim in a meet.  His expression showed fear but his actions demonstrated courage.  Claire makes courage look easy when she challenges herself to do something really big and then gets it done.  Isaac taught me courage when he went out on the football field with a broken arm wrapped in a big pad.  So courage also looks like the determination to do something you really want to do, really bad, but stand in the face of adversity when you stare that something down.  Courage.  I don't think I have much of it.  My life usually goes like this:  Dream big, get talked out of it, feel sad, move on.  Discouraged.  Yep, that's more my descriptor.  I am often discouraged.  Maybe my dreams are too big.  Maybe my resolve, my peace, my strength are to small.  Who knows.  I love that I can learn about courage through my children.  I am very grateful for that.  I hate that I can get a glimpse of courage and so easily see it snuffed out.  I'm not very brave.  I'm pretty mundane, really. 

The Holy Spirit in me is not.  This Spirit is filled with strength and peace and resolve and power.  Its my only hope to exist beyond discouraged.  This Spirit is what pressed in on me daily for decades until we adopted Precious.  This Spirit awakened in me a broken heart, a yearning, a grief for children who are unloved, unknown, and fatherless.  This Spirit keeps me reaching for restoration in families, in children who do not have a hope or a future, without the promise of a Christian family to take them in and lead them to Him.  This Spirit doesn't care if I hear the phrase, "you can't adopt them all Niki"....He can.  He does.  He will.  I'm being held captive by the Holy Spirit.  He won't let me stay discouraged.  He won't let me accept mundane, average, comfortable living with a quiet assurance of Heaven at the end.  He is crying out in me, through me and to me:  More!  More!  More!  Hold your head higher, daughter.  Be of good courage, Daughter!  Don't be so easily talked out of it.  Don't give up on the bigger thing!!!!!s....I hate discouraged.  I love the Lord.  I want more courage.  Spirit, reign it down.....

our dinner guest

Tonight we had a special dinner guest.  Roger has a client here from Bankok, Thailand.  They have been working on a business project since mid-February.  We invited him for supper and his work here is done in just a few days.  We seldom have guests for dinner, much less someone as exotic as a traveller from Asia.  He was gracious and kind and very pleasant amid the craziness of our family.  Our kids were great.  They asked questions and saught to learn about the culture and life of Thailand.  My favorite parts where when I asked him who he would see first, when he returned home, and his response was his 3-year old daughter and his mom.  The other favorite was when he stabbed his second grilled pork chop and ate well....we fed him classic Iowa cuisine....pork, potatoes, beans and homemade bread.  Good comfort food for a guy who has been away from home for nearly a month!  I'm gonna brag a bit now.  Jeremiah, age 6, wanted to know what church was like in Thailand.  :)  Claire, at 11, during our meal, asked him if the people of Thailand thought girls were less valuable than boys, as she had learned was true in other Asian countries.  Her shoulders were set and her voice was strong and her chin was high, as she asked it.  That's my girl.  By the way, its not true of Thailand.  They value girls a great deal. 

On a less proud note, we clogged our kitchen sink....it likely took place over a longer period of time, but it culminated tonight.  When I try to run the disposal, it belches and spews up gross ick, up to 2 feet in the air.  Roger unleashed some contraption that is about 8 feet long, made of metal wire that is supposed to thread down like the plumbers do....but since he is sleeping in the chair to my left, with Precious on his chest, I'm guessing it didn't work.  Spewing and belching potato peels.  Nice.  You know how you know better than to test it again, but something in you just wants to see and hear the appalling thrust again?  That's where I'm at, at 9:40pm.  I know what will happen if I try it but I want to...just to see if we will have a volcanic eruption again.  Just say no, just say no, just say no. 

the power in it

I've spent some time this morning, praying and reading scripture and worshipping.  I've been thinking of the tragedy in Japan with the Tsunami, the earthquake, the devastataion.  There is so much power in it. There is power in how fragile the balance is between life and death.  Consider the power of an earthquake that shifts the earth on its axis.  What are the implications of that, I wonder?  The power of a wave that draws the sea to land, and claims an entire country as its own.  There is alot of power in natural disaster, isn't there?  Surpassing this power is the power of the One who created all things.  God made that ocean and that dry land and that Adam and that Eve, in the beginning of the story.   God's power takes authority over this thing.  That very power, that very God, is the one I sat with this morning. 

The power of this very same God, is the one that saved me from my broken life and brought me into His family.  He adopted me, He grafted me in so that I may know the truth, the hope, the plan and the glory of it all.  There is so much power in that!  This God, the God of it all, cares for every soul in and around Japan.  This God wants us to care, too.  This God cares about how I speak to my children, how I treat my body, how I position myself in life to be compassionate instead of selfish.  The God who holds the power cares whether or not I sat down to pray and be quiet before His throne yet today.  Wow.  There is just so much power in it.

Today the answer to my prayers (even those I neglected to pray) include the following:
1.  Sunshine and temps above freezing.  Finally.  And did I mention sunshine?
2.  Birds.  They are flocking to the wet, sloppy mess in my backyard that was once covered in snow and they are finding every little kernal of seed and food floating back there.  Manna from heaven to them, I bet.
3.  Amoxacillin (sp?) that treats strep throat and makes my droopy boys lively again.
4.  Naps.  Mostly for Precious, but for any and all who need them.
5.  Fridays.  Glory to God in the Highest, you, oh Father, knew that we would need Fridays.  Thanks for omnipotent wisdom and understanding of our frailty.
6.  Friends.  I got to visit and go for a walk with a friend I have known for 2/3 of my life.  In fact, I am living in the house she grew up in.  I am thankful for friends and how God answered my prayers and gave me very...good...friends.
7.  Food.  Thank you, Lord, for food.  Tonight I get to dine on really good food with my husband, just for a moment, and then we will go back to busy-ness and giving and such.  But Cheese Tortellini with Sausage in a garlic gorganzola cheese sauce is being served downtown and I am so there.
8.  Zumba.  Tomorrow morning I have a date with the dance class that will wage war against the tortellini.
9.  Lent.  You, oh Father, gave us your Son, as a price for our sin, to ensure our unity with You forever.  Lent brings me to that again and again.  Let my sacrifice and attention to this season deepen my knowledge and desire for you, God.
10.  Our experienc through adoption, that lets my heart break for orphans and the fatherless.  My heart hurts but I get to feel what the Father feels and that, is definitely an answer to prayer.

Wordy wednesday?

When you are a community health nurse, on any given day, you may be working in an office, a church, a bedroom, a kitchen, a back yard, a park,  a hospital, a library or even Taco John's.  When you are a community health nurse, sometimes you feel like a mom, and a therapist, and a teacher, and a priest and a pharmacist and a physician and a tax-payer and a lobbyist and an environmental control enforcer and an inspector and even sometimes a slacker.  Sometimes all on the same day.  Coffee shops with wireless access are wonderful.  Libraries that leave you alone are bliss.  Shoveled side-walks are a bonus.  Non-smoking homes rock.  This is how I juggle and manage my career, which is roughly half my work week.  The other half is spent folding, washing, singing, reading, driving, shopping, cooking, cleaning, dancing, laughing, praying, sleeping, dreaming, worshipping, walking, smiling and sometimes crying.  I'm living the abundant life.  Are you?

Ash Wednesday

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday.  In the Reformed church, of which I am a member, its not a super-big deal.  In fact, it often passes unaddressed.  I like to address it.  Over the years I've done a meager job of researching and learning about lent and this whole season leading up to Easter.  Forgive me if I'm being ignorant.  Its my blog.

Ash Wednesday starts the 40-plus days leading up to Easter.  It is common to fast and prepare and deny thyself of worldly things in this season of Lent.  It honors Jesus' time in the desert where He fasted for 40 days before he began his ministry.  I think that's worth paying attention to.  I usually pick a few things I have a serious daily attachement to, and work at giving them up throughout lent.  Keep in mind I am not a perfectionist.  In fact, I am a self-professing underachiever.  I fall short alot.  I'm bad at self-denial.  Holy Spirit is always working on me here. 

Anyway, it all starts tomorrow with Ash Wednesday.  I don't rely heavily on religious traditions to feel close to the Lord, but I do respect the history of the Church and I want to learn.  I have The Book of Common Prayer.  Sometimes, its nice to read historical prayers.  Its especially nice when I'm thinking about things I don't know much about.  Its even more nice when the things I do know, like many events of the past day or two, make my heart heavy and burdened.  Sin and pain and hardship in the world are heavy, even in the mundane things of daily living.  Especially in the mundane things. Worse yet are the days when I feel like I have not done a good job with these fragile human souls that I encounter every day.  I've had a couple of those defeated days.   Here's the Book of Common Prayer recitation for Ash Wednesday:

"Almighty and everlasting God, who hatest nothing that thou hast made and dost forgive the sins of all those who are penitent:  Create and make in us new and contrite hearts, that we, worthily lamenting our sins and acknowledging our wretchedness, may obtain of thee, the God of all mercy, perfect remission and forgiveness; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who liveth and reigneth with thee and the Holy Spirit, one God, for ever and ever.  Amen."

Haughty me

So haughty me threatened my husband.  I said I'd keep posting about him until he worked on my blog and made it look and sound good again.  Haughty me has no leg to stand on and Roger knows it.  He's busy with real work and he's, quite honestly, not afraid of me.  He should be but he's not.  I can't bring myself to dig up embarassing stories, photos and such about him for all the world to see.  He's much nicer than I am.  There is just not the material available.   He's the real deal.  What you see is what you get.  Tonight, I love him deeply for the following reasons.
1.  Roger is very smart.  When computer things go wrong he is tenacious and persistent and solves problems.  He's also the go-to guy for 5th grade math.
2.  Roger has no issues.  He is not claustrophobic and can freely take Precious into a bathroom on an airplane and change her diaper.  He can even laugh when she empties out the tissue dispenser which is above her.
3.  Roger took 6 rowdy boys roller skating friday night for Isaac's birthday.  When they got home at 10pm he realized he left our good camera at the skating rink.  He was exhausted but without complaint or cuss word, he turned around, drove the 30 minutes back to the place and retrieved the camera.
4.  Roger works hard every day. 
5.  Precious Maryn pounces on him each night when he settles in his recliner.  She brings him books and her satin pink blanket and snuggles into his side and commands his attention and affection.  He never says no.  He didn't even want to adopt initially and yet, he willingly submitted his heart to hers.  She always wants to know where daddy is.
6.  Roger is a good gift-giver.
7.  Roger is the kind of guy that 20-something guys hope to aspire to.  Seriously.
8.  Roger's parents, and mine, think he walks on water.  If there is a discrepency, it is always my fault.  He's wonderful and they all take his side.
9.  Roger is really good at the grill.  Find the guy some meat and he'll serve it up in style!
10.  Roger said "yes" to loving me, he came to the marriage knowing I had baggage, demands, super-high and often unreal expectations and dreams.  He said "yes".  I get to call him my husband.

Haughty me is gonna let him off the hook.

Isaac

Today was Isaac's birthday.  He is nine years old.  We celebrated him all weekend with a school friend party on friday, then family over for dinner today and lots of latitude with free time and fun.  Isaac is amazing.  He is silly and sweet and smart and fierce and intense and mysterious and loyal and complex.  I can't wait to see what God does with him in his life.  Isaac walked when he was 9 months old.  He was flying down hills on a scooter at 18 months. He is the one who broke his arm twice this school year already.   He has lots of friends who are just as lively and wild and fun as he is.  We love this boy so much.  He will give me gray hair, for sure, but he is so worth it.  His request for his birthday meal was thus:  steak, real mashed potatoes (I know, I know.  I cheat.) and raw carrot sticks.  Pretty straight forward.  My children are carnivores.  Steak, chicken, potatoes, corn, rolls, oreo cookie "salad" and lemonade graced the table today in Isaac's honor.  Papa Buzz and Grandma Mary and Great-grandma V (age 93 I think) came for dinner and we feasted like kings and queens.  Happy birthday buddy.  We wish you many, many more in years to come! 

You know those color wonder markers?  The ones that only show up on color wonder paper?  Precious has been playing with those.  She is determined to write, scribble, and mark up anything with any kind of writing utensil.  In fact, her pjs tonight have ink that she self-applied last week.  It didn't come out.  She loves to write and draw.  We are finding her art work lots of places.  Yesterday I was gone for an hour at the store.  Roger was being "fun dad" and rolling around on the floor with her, playing.  She had a marker in her hand and started drawing on him, according to his report.  They were rolling around and laughing and she was marking him up, invisible color-wonder style.  Then he noticed a brown mark on his arm.  And another, and another.  Oops, one on his forehead....and then he remembered.  He had been on his stomach for some time letting her mark with invisible color on him.  When he checked he was quite brown.  What can you say, she was coloring him in to match her skin!

I share this story because it is sweet and vivid and very much honors the weekend.  I also share it as a warning to my husband that if he doesn't fix my blog and make my music reappear and make it look nice again, I will continue to seek out stories about him and share them globally.  Happy reading, hun.

There is an ominous forcast on the horizon.  Words like "serious storm system" and "winter storm front" are looming on the news, although no one has commited to exactly how much, how intense or how long it will take to come and go.  So we here in the midwest are aware of it.  We sort of know what to expect, since its been about 5 months of such activity already.  Some of us are making sure we are mostly ready.  Snow blower is still in the garage-check.  Kitchen is full of food-check.  Hats and gloves are still reachable-check.  Plenty of wood for an end of winter fire-check. 

There is another event coming, but we don't know when or how intense it will be.  There is talk of it, and God is raising my awareness of it, through tidbits on the news and in my quiet time with Him.  It has to do with His son Jesus, completing His perfect plan and coming back to kick satan's butt and make all things good and right.  It is just as real and ominous as the coming winter storm....but am I as ready?  I'm mostly ready.  But am I really ready?  I do have some oil in my lamp, and I know where to get more oil.  Am I making plans to get it?  I need to be more ready than I am.  I need to help others know where their lamps are and where to get the oil.  I want to be able to keep watch and have enough oil in my lamp to recognize Him when He comes.  I want my oil to be burning brightly so that He, Jesus, the savior and redeemer, sees me. 

I don't want to be caught unaware for any big thing, coming over the horizon.  I want to be ready.  Lord God, work with me here.  Help me.  Work on me and in me so that the work is done when the future becomes the present.  Give me oil in my lamp, keep me burning, burning, burning, give me oil in my lamp I pray....halleluliah!.....Sing, Hosannah, sing, Hosannah, sing Hosannah to the King of Kings....

and if you happened to attend my summer bible camp, you then add the verse, "Give me gas in my ford, keep me truckin' for the Lord.  Give me gas in my ford I pray"....

International House of Prayer : The Prayer Room Webstream

International House of Prayer : The Prayer Room Webstream

the pen of a skillful writer

Roger's too busy with life to work on making my blog look and sound pretty.  I'm gonna schlep along and do my best but please know that at the point you notice it looking much better, thank the techno-savvy husband, please.  He's the artist, I'm the thoughts.  Today, some friends and I looked at Psalm 45:1.  It continues to sing to me today.  It reads:  "My heart is stirred by a noble theme as I recite my verses for the king; my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer."

Lord God, let my heart, my thoughts, my wants and needs be stirred by a noble theme.  Place your noble theme at the front of me, God, that it would become my theme.  What Is It, Lord?  What Is It Today?  Grant me a noble theme to consume my energy as I work through my days.  Give me a passion to recite my verses for you, my King.  I'm working on Psalm 34 but I confess my ambition wanes and fades daily.  As I work on memorizing your verses, please let me know and remember and feel that I recite them for the king.  Most of all, God.  Please let my tongue be the pen of a skillful writer.  Let my words, the expressions that burst out of my mouth, be like those of Henry Nouwen, W. Shakespeare, Mother Theresa, Julian of Norwich, the apostle Paul....my tongue is usually the cause of my sin and shame.  Change me, Lord, and let my words, those I think and speak and write, be those of a skillful writer.  Holy Spirit, be the Holy Skillful writer of my life!  Amen.

sorry this looks so wierd.  I tried to change the background and messed it up.  Will work on it today!

james taylor-don't let me be lonely tonight

My buddy James sang this song to us last night. We had so much fun. Wow. Sang with his son Ben Tayor which was super-cool. I'm feeling super folksy tonight.

my Christmas gift

Some of you may remember my desire for season stretchers that make the wonder of Christmas last longer.  Well, my husband discovered a new way.  Please hear this.  I am not bragging or trying to fluff my tail feathers in a way that makes me or my family appear to be picture-perfect.  Please share my joy when sometimes, things go right and its worth sharing.  My gift from Roger was a suprise this year.  He had secretly purchased tickets to see James Taylor live, March 1 in Omaha.  I have listened to JT's music my whole adult life.  He's one of the very few secular artists that I love.  His place in my life exists in the hours just before evening, usually as I am preparing dinner or reading email, when it is quiet.  He and I croon in the kitchen or light candles and pick up toys and laundry from room to room.  JT is happy and sad, real and idealistic and his music blesses me. 

Auntie Paige came to stay with the kiddos and Roger and I took off yesterday morning for Omaha to shop a bit, eat out together, enjoy the concert of one of our favorite musical artists, sleep in a swanky hotel, stay in bed until we couldn't any more, and make it home by afternoon.  We managed to squeeze at least 3 dates into one 24 hour get-away.  These overnighters are the key to our marriage survival and we live for these times away.  Someday when the kids are grown up and gone, we need to have common ground, shared interests, and a pleasure for each other's company.  When that day comes, trust me, there will be a James Taylor playing in the background.

I feel very lucky and rich tonight.  I feel like I would if I won the lottery or had a genie grant my 3 wishes.  I am full and satisfied tonight.  Most nights, don't feel like this.  There is a laundry list of things we need to do, pay for, fix, refine and address.  The wish list is much longer than the reality check takes....but tonight, for a little while, the memories and contentment are very rich and dear to me.  It was a really, really good Christmas gift.