Happy Memorial day everyone. We enjoyed a day at home today. The sun came out early and we were in the pool by 10:30am! We had family friends over for the day to swim and grill and play and laugh....it was a wonderful start to summer. If today went this well, I can't wait to see what the rest of summer looks like! Precious Maryn learned to keep herself upright in the water, with her life-jacket on of course. This is huge because it means we can be in the water with her but don't have to keep her from gulping down water all the time. She just peddled her little legs as fast as can be and got wherever she wanted to get to in the water, including under the rope that defines the shallow from deep. It really is something to watch. I'll have to get a video of it, if I can figure out how to do that and post it. she also learned to bounce from her butt to her feet on the tramp. She really is amazing.
I've got luggage and bags and papers and stuff all over my bedroom trying to pack where we live. Ugh. I need to get a handle on that situation before I go to bed tonight. We're trying to pack as much as possible into as few bags as possible since we are 2 ladies travelling without our burly men along to carry all our gear. I spent a wad at wal-mart this weekend on tylenol pm, tums, immodium, travel size hygiene stuff, etc. I am ready to be ready and I'm almost ready to just get over there and get going. I can't wait to see what God has planned for us in India. I can't wait for who we will meet and how we will encounter Holy God together....its just gonna be so awesome. Thank you for your prayers and support. They truly are felt and they definitely make a difference!
Sunday, May 29, 2011
what I didn't hear
Tonight I hussled my 3 bigger kids downstairs. They were tired, emotional and, well, it was just time for them to go. (smile). We let them sleep on a hide-a-bed in the play room on weekends and since tomorrow is a holiday, we extended it a night. Its also the official start of summer vacation....so we bent the rule and indulged. I was scolding them regarding their snippy remarks, their lack of attention to lights left on, the general mess and chaos, etc. The final insult was when I declared them all very tired and when I came down in half an hour, if they weren't sleeping....well, you get the point. What I DIDN'T hear was this (because no one actually said it, but the whisper was in the room)...."mom, I can't wait for you to go to India for 2 weeks." It was almost audible, the feeling. Yes, its true. When I'm gone they get a break from the slave-driver. They will get by with alot of comments and behaviors, and that's fine. We will all enjoy our break from one another. We will certainly be more grateful when we reunite....
So while I'm gone, I just wonder how long the milk will set out before someone sees it and puts it in the fridge. I wonder how many ice trays will sit empty on the counter. I wonder how long it will take to do the laundry and wipe off the table and take out the stinky diapers from the bathroom. I just wonder. It won't be my concern for 2 weeks. I purchased a tidy little pack of laundry cleaners that will do 2 loads. Exactly what I will need for the 2 weeks I'm gone, if I do my travel buddy's laundry as well. 2 loads. in 2 weeks. Wow. I do about 8-10 loads per week right now. We will eat with our fingers or with plastic, disposable silverware. I won't be doing dishes. Wow.
It will be hard to be away from home. I will ache for my husband and children. But I will also savor time with Jesus, with an entire country that I have yet to discover and fall in love with. I will savor the little bit of time that I don't have to scold and reprimand and teach and impart discipline. I will savor the ability to only worry about my own self and my own stuff....its been a really long time.
So while I'm gone, I just wonder how long the milk will set out before someone sees it and puts it in the fridge. I wonder how many ice trays will sit empty on the counter. I wonder how long it will take to do the laundry and wipe off the table and take out the stinky diapers from the bathroom. I just wonder. It won't be my concern for 2 weeks. I purchased a tidy little pack of laundry cleaners that will do 2 loads. Exactly what I will need for the 2 weeks I'm gone, if I do my travel buddy's laundry as well. 2 loads. in 2 weeks. Wow. I do about 8-10 loads per week right now. We will eat with our fingers or with plastic, disposable silverware. I won't be doing dishes. Wow.
It will be hard to be away from home. I will ache for my husband and children. But I will also savor time with Jesus, with an entire country that I have yet to discover and fall in love with. I will savor the little bit of time that I don't have to scold and reprimand and teach and impart discipline. I will savor the ability to only worry about my own self and my own stuff....its been a really long time.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
toddlers
Attachment parenting is intense. Its how we do things. We bond and respond to baby's cues....we nurture and love and teach empathy....and its a great way to parent infants...and preschoolers....and older kids. Now toddlers. That's different. Attachment parenting for toddlers is, well, its just exhausting. My dear husband reminded me of that tonight. He has a bigger picture, he has perspective. He is balanced and he is composed. I am none of those. I am emotional, passionate, enmeshed and plugged-in all the time. Precious Maryn is doing me in. She is so wonderful and I love her so much. Four times now, I have suffered through toddler-hood. Ugh. The other 3 survived. She will as well. She won't remember. None of them do. She'll think I'm a good mom some day. For now, I'm just so, so glad she has a dad who can smile and take a deep breath and say, "come on Precious, lets go to bed. Mom needs a break. We'll see her tomorrow. Good night mom." God bless that man.
Friday, May 27, 2011
sharing posts
I haven't had a chance to write here but would invite you to read today's post on the Katelyn's Fund site, to the right of this blog. We received a grant through katelyn's fund when we adopted Precious and we help with their fund-raiser auctions and I do some writing for the blog. Its a good post. You should read it. :) I've been busy this week with the last week of school....final programs and concerts and making haste at work. I want things wrapped up as much as possible before my trip. Claire is dancing this weekend and next weekend. I have a bit of shopping to do yet before I can pack the suitcases....but its all very quickly approaching! 8 days!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
pushing through
Panic gave way to resolve and I began to push through the mountain of "to do" items. If I can't get over the mountain I'll just go through it. Sounds like that rhythm about "Goin on a Bear Hunt"....anyway. I'm not panicked anymore. I'm sure the faithful prayers dissolved much of the panic so thank you all if you prayed for me! My dear sweet husband let me vent and cry and make the all-inclusive list of what overwhelms my days right now and then he let me go to bed. That alone was hugely therapeutic! It also didn't hurt to see a picture this morning of part of the group starting music practice at the Covenant School of Worship....the very faces of our Indian sisters who we will meet and spend time with very soon! How cool is that?!
I think its endearing and curious that my clients are just as worried as my own children, that I won't come back. I've reassured everyone that I have a round trip ticket and will indeed return to my home and family and life, but that God may and should and will change me greatly, just by going. I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard, "so how many orphans are you bringing home with you"....now THAT would have been a good trip fund-raiser! :) The answer is none this trip. :) Just going to make friends, share Jesus, learn and grow in Him.
On Sunday, June 5, our church will have a commissioning for us and just recognize we are leaving that day, pray for us etc. If you'd like to get in on that, church starts at 9:30am. Please check out the shutterfly page we set up for more frequent updates once we get there. I may not take alot of time to blog but either Deanne or I will get something on there when possible. the site is as follows: Updatesfromindia.shutterfly.com.
I will continue to push through the details over the next 10 days until we go. In addition, we will be starting summer baseball/softball, rehearsing and performing for dance recitals this weekend and next, starting the summer schedule of practices, tutoring, chores and fun. If it ever stops raining we will do some swimming in the backyard pool and soak up some sun.
That's about it for now!
I think its endearing and curious that my clients are just as worried as my own children, that I won't come back. I've reassured everyone that I have a round trip ticket and will indeed return to my home and family and life, but that God may and should and will change me greatly, just by going. I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard, "so how many orphans are you bringing home with you"....now THAT would have been a good trip fund-raiser! :) The answer is none this trip. :) Just going to make friends, share Jesus, learn and grow in Him.
On Sunday, June 5, our church will have a commissioning for us and just recognize we are leaving that day, pray for us etc. If you'd like to get in on that, church starts at 9:30am. Please check out the shutterfly page we set up for more frequent updates once we get there. I may not take alot of time to blog but either Deanne or I will get something on there when possible. the site is as follows: Updatesfromindia.shutterfly.com.
I will continue to push through the details over the next 10 days until we go. In addition, we will be starting summer baseball/softball, rehearsing and performing for dance recitals this weekend and next, starting the summer schedule of practices, tutoring, chores and fun. If it ever stops raining we will do some swimming in the backyard pool and soak up some sun.
That's about it for now!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
plans
For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future....this is my loose recall from Jeremiah 29:11 so its not exact but its about God's plans. I plan 2 weeks in advance. That is the exact amount of time I can maintain a measure of control and awareness. 2 weeks. I know who I will visit for work, what lessons and appointments are scheduled and even what we will have for meals...for 2 weeks. More organized women can likely handle more than 2 weeks. This is my limit. Today, I discovered that 2 weeks hence...I'll be in India. I won't be planning for my kids or my home visits for work or my recreation. I'll BE THERE. I'll be living a dream. I won't be in a familiar place doing familiar things with familiar people. Panic. Yes, panic. What am I doing. What Am I Doing? In 2 weeks.....I have no idea. I'll let you know when I get there. God has a plan. I am certain he is smiling on me now. I am sure he is enjoying the element of the unknown, the mystery, the adventure. At my age, its good for me to be suprised.
I'm in panic mode. I have so much to do with work, in my home, with my family, to feel like I am ready to disengage for 2 weeks....and yet. If I do nothing but go through the motions and love and give and live....I'm still going. If my house is a wreck and my charts are a mess and my schedule for my family events is invisible....I'm still going. Do you hear that, satan? I'm still going. Even if I'm ill-equipped, unprepared, and unqualified. Even if the home-front falls apart and chaos erupts and my boss is furious....I'm still going. I have no idea why. I'm compelled. I'm moved by the Spirit of God. I'm going. I'll get off that plane with my friend Deanne and I'll be a nervous wreck and terrified and willing and completely unable....and I'll say "yes".
That's the plan. Say "yes" and step forward. Profound, I know. Scary...for sure. Reckless, of course. I should be home trafficing kids to practice and ball games and play dates. I should be clocking dollars in public health, for the local community to be healthy and well. I should. And yet. I'm going. I really am. My ticket is paid for, as is my bill for my malaria pills and antibiotics. My church....my church (this means all of you..my family, my friends, my spritual lifeline) has financially supported this trip and also in prayer. My family and friends have rallied around me and even if they don't fully understand it, they trust Jesus who lives in me. Isn't that beautiful? I'm following Jesus. I'm drawn by His plans....so stay tuned. I'm guessing it will just get better and better.
I'm in panic mode. I have so much to do with work, in my home, with my family, to feel like I am ready to disengage for 2 weeks....and yet. If I do nothing but go through the motions and love and give and live....I'm still going. If my house is a wreck and my charts are a mess and my schedule for my family events is invisible....I'm still going. Do you hear that, satan? I'm still going. Even if I'm ill-equipped, unprepared, and unqualified. Even if the home-front falls apart and chaos erupts and my boss is furious....I'm still going. I have no idea why. I'm compelled. I'm moved by the Spirit of God. I'm going. I'll get off that plane with my friend Deanne and I'll be a nervous wreck and terrified and willing and completely unable....and I'll say "yes".
That's the plan. Say "yes" and step forward. Profound, I know. Scary...for sure. Reckless, of course. I should be home trafficing kids to practice and ball games and play dates. I should be clocking dollars in public health, for the local community to be healthy and well. I should. And yet. I'm going. I really am. My ticket is paid for, as is my bill for my malaria pills and antibiotics. My church....my church (this means all of you..my family, my friends, my spritual lifeline) has financially supported this trip and also in prayer. My family and friends have rallied around me and even if they don't fully understand it, they trust Jesus who lives in me. Isn't that beautiful? I'm following Jesus. I'm drawn by His plans....so stay tuned. I'm guessing it will just get better and better.
Monday, May 23, 2011
prayers
Lord God, we are praying prayers. Prayers with words, prayers with tears. We are praying prayers of desperation and pleas and prayers of the Saints. The prayer list tonight is tucked away in a secret safe place of confidentiality, and yet it is bursting to be freed. Its like the prayers are in a treasure chest and the chest is buried in a field. The field is wide and long and there are beautiful grasses and flowers and cool breezes and butterflies and birds. The field is a welcome place for prayers to come. So we are bringing our prayers to that field, God.
My heart is so heavy with the needs of your daughters, Holy Lord. My heart is aching to bring these thoughts, these needs, these signs and wonders and miracles and works to your field, God. Receive these prayers. The deep ones tonight, Lord, the ones locked tight in that treasure chest.....take those first, Lord. Don't just hear them but do something with them. Move. Shift things. Transform. Heal. Settle. Line up. Give gifts. Bless. Start with those, Lord, and then move out into the field and touch the rest of the prayers. Holy Spirit, be the one who discovers the treasure in the field, who goes home to sell everything and buy that field. Do that in me, Spirit. Let me be the one who not only found the treasure, but who sold all I had to buy the field. Its a field of prayers tonight, God.
I can't pray all night and yet the need will last all night and beyond dawn and each new day. These needs are so big. Infuse me with scripture, Lord, so that when I wake up in the night and when I move through my day, I can pray your words back to you, and honor the secret prayer requests tucked deep in that treasure chest. I want the field, Lord, so that I can give it to you....
My heart is so heavy with the needs of your daughters, Holy Lord. My heart is aching to bring these thoughts, these needs, these signs and wonders and miracles and works to your field, God. Receive these prayers. The deep ones tonight, Lord, the ones locked tight in that treasure chest.....take those first, Lord. Don't just hear them but do something with them. Move. Shift things. Transform. Heal. Settle. Line up. Give gifts. Bless. Start with those, Lord, and then move out into the field and touch the rest of the prayers. Holy Spirit, be the one who discovers the treasure in the field, who goes home to sell everything and buy that field. Do that in me, Spirit. Let me be the one who not only found the treasure, but who sold all I had to buy the field. Its a field of prayers tonight, God.
I can't pray all night and yet the need will last all night and beyond dawn and each new day. These needs are so big. Infuse me with scripture, Lord, so that when I wake up in the night and when I move through my day, I can pray your words back to you, and honor the secret prayer requests tucked deep in that treasure chest. I want the field, Lord, so that I can give it to you....
Sunday, May 22, 2011
FYI/rest or blessed...and ultimately...manna
Just a little "for your information" note. If its Sunday and I didn't post about Sabboth rest, relaxation, a worshipful walk, etc....that means that the day of rest did not happen. Just so you know. And even though its Sunday, I'm posting about manna again, and not rest. Just so ya know.
This morning I woke up early to a quiet house. It was another short night and I was tired but the lure of quietude (I don't care if its a word or not....at 6am on Sunday you can find out what it means), drew me out of bed. I made my Keurig perfect cup of coffee and went out to my screened in patio to watch the rain fall and listen to the birds and silence. It was wonderful. I began to pray. I prayed for strength, mostly, and courage and peace and an organized mind. I prayed for the 2 weeks we have left to plan and pack and prepare for India. I prayed for my beautiful family. I prayed because I am tired and overwhelmed by the daily tasks that rob me of time and peace. I just had a nice one-sided conversation with the author of life.... It was lonely to feel so vulnerable and weary and worried....so I prayed against worry....and such. Then it was time to engage and start the day.
We got to church and did the half hour of announcements and singing, etc. Then we settled in for the sermon. Eph. 3:14-18....."For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power (POWER), together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ."
Manna.
Tears rolled down my face as I heard my pastor read these words. These were the words I had just prayed to Jesus, hours before, in my fragile, pathetic, weak, broken worship as I started the day. I didn't even know I was longing for Jesus to respond to me, to answer me, until I heard the ancient words read back. He prayed my prayer back to me. It may seem silly and mild but for me, it was connection to the Lord. He was saying, "I was with you this morning. I heard your cries. I will answer you. I gave you these words. Hide them away in your heart. I will indeed strengthen you. I know you. I know what you need today. Don't look to tomorrow. Live in today and know that I heard you this morning, under the rain and the birdsong."
I didn't get rest today for Sabboth, but I got blessed. God spoke to me through His words, through His pastor, in His church. I don't get the assurance of peace for tomorrow, but I got kissed by Holiness today. Manna.
This morning I woke up early to a quiet house. It was another short night and I was tired but the lure of quietude (I don't care if its a word or not....at 6am on Sunday you can find out what it means), drew me out of bed. I made my Keurig perfect cup of coffee and went out to my screened in patio to watch the rain fall and listen to the birds and silence. It was wonderful. I began to pray. I prayed for strength, mostly, and courage and peace and an organized mind. I prayed for the 2 weeks we have left to plan and pack and prepare for India. I prayed for my beautiful family. I prayed because I am tired and overwhelmed by the daily tasks that rob me of time and peace. I just had a nice one-sided conversation with the author of life.... It was lonely to feel so vulnerable and weary and worried....so I prayed against worry....and such. Then it was time to engage and start the day.
We got to church and did the half hour of announcements and singing, etc. Then we settled in for the sermon. Eph. 3:14-18....."For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power (POWER), together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ."
Manna.
Tears rolled down my face as I heard my pastor read these words. These were the words I had just prayed to Jesus, hours before, in my fragile, pathetic, weak, broken worship as I started the day. I didn't even know I was longing for Jesus to respond to me, to answer me, until I heard the ancient words read back. He prayed my prayer back to me. It may seem silly and mild but for me, it was connection to the Lord. He was saying, "I was with you this morning. I heard your cries. I will answer you. I gave you these words. Hide them away in your heart. I will indeed strengthen you. I know you. I know what you need today. Don't look to tomorrow. Live in today and know that I heard you this morning, under the rain and the birdsong."
I didn't get rest today for Sabboth, but I got blessed. God spoke to me through His words, through His pastor, in His church. I don't get the assurance of peace for tomorrow, but I got kissed by Holiness today. Manna.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
weddings
We had a full day today of wedding action. Precious was a flower girl, Claire a junior brides maid. The boys were gift attendants, I was flower attendant and Roger did the video at the reception. We helped set up and take down and there was even a dance. Precious would have danced til dawn! She's feeling better but I caught her cold. Arg.
Weddings are wonderful. They remind you of your own day, if you've been married. If not, I think they make you wish you were. Weddings are a symbol of Jesus and His Bride, the church. In our wedding today, for my step-sister, there were months of preparation. The day was full of smiles and love and blessing and in the end, the bride and groom drove off alone together to start their life. As the bride of Christ, we should be getting ready, as she did. We should be making plans and spending lots of hours attending to details so that the wedding day would be perfect. I don't think I'm doing my part. I want to do better. I hope God will help me do a better job of being prepared for the wedding feast, on that day when Jesus takes His Bride, the church.
I'm too tired to move and go post pictures....hopefully we snapped a few good ones to share soon.
Weddings are wonderful. They remind you of your own day, if you've been married. If not, I think they make you wish you were. Weddings are a symbol of Jesus and His Bride, the church. In our wedding today, for my step-sister, there were months of preparation. The day was full of smiles and love and blessing and in the end, the bride and groom drove off alone together to start their life. As the bride of Christ, we should be getting ready, as she did. We should be making plans and spending lots of hours attending to details so that the wedding day would be perfect. I don't think I'm doing my part. I want to do better. I hope God will help me do a better job of being prepared for the wedding feast, on that day when Jesus takes His Bride, the church.
I'm too tired to move and go post pictures....hopefully we snapped a few good ones to share soon.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Seasons
Praising God today for changing seasons...seasons of waiting turn into seasons of readiness. Seasons of dormacy become seasons of bloom. Change is good. Praising God for:
Lilacs, strawberries, sunshine.
Flip flops, soccer, parades.
Hummingbirds, geraniums, soil.
Water, blue sky, fresh cut grass.
Baby bunnies, dandilions, rain puddles.
Lawn mowers, kids laughing, birdsong.
Flowering trees, fragrance, puffy clouds.
Gardens, cool breezes, wide open spaces.
Spring is grand.
Lilacs, strawberries, sunshine.
Flip flops, soccer, parades.
Hummingbirds, geraniums, soil.
Water, blue sky, fresh cut grass.
Baby bunnies, dandilions, rain puddles.
Lawn mowers, kids laughing, birdsong.
Flowering trees, fragrance, puffy clouds.
Gardens, cool breezes, wide open spaces.
Spring is grand.
Monday, May 16, 2011
"what are you gonna tackle next?"
Someone I dearly love asked me this question tonight. She was asking when we were leaving for India, and then said, "so Niki, what are you gonna tackle next?" She was smiling and loving me when she asked it. I didn't expect it, really. I'm not looking for "next". Daily, God gives me just enough challenge, wisdom, conviction, discomfort, mercy, achingly palpable love and manna. Daily. So I think that the current challenge (i.e. get to India, learn, share, love, bless, be bless....and return safely intact) is all-consuming. I don't want to live as a slave to the tyranny of the urgent....I want to live in this moment in this day for this manna. God has a plan....I don't really want to know what it is. What I do want, is for today to matter. Every day. Daily.
Several places in the timeline of my life are marked by God's divine intervention. I hope the same can be said for all of your lives. If not, then start really living for Him. I made a consious choice to do that awhile back. It was more than "getting saved". It was deciding to daily work out my salvation and strive for His will and not mine. I fail lots of time. Most days I fall far short. A few times I get it right. He ALWAYS lets me know exactly how I'm doing.
So I guess I'll throw the question out there for readership......"What are you gonna tackle next?"
Several places in the timeline of my life are marked by God's divine intervention. I hope the same can be said for all of your lives. If not, then start really living for Him. I made a consious choice to do that awhile back. It was more than "getting saved". It was deciding to daily work out my salvation and strive for His will and not mine. I fail lots of time. Most days I fall far short. A few times I get it right. He ALWAYS lets me know exactly how I'm doing.
So I guess I'll throw the question out there for readership......"What are you gonna tackle next?"
Sunday, May 15, 2011
sunday rest
Today I took Precious to the park for awhile. They boys were swimming....brrrrrrhh! She wanted in that pool so bad but it was pretty chilly and I was NOT going in, so neither was she! We talked Claire into coming along to the park. It was Precious' first time. Being born in August doesn't warrant alot of park time so far in her young life. Well, after today, its a solid yes. This child was nuts. Not one glimmer of fear...barely a moment's hesitation. She climbed, ran, jumped and slid down every slide we could find in 2 parks. The higher and twistier the better. Yikes. It was fun to watch her and I was so glad Claire was there to go down with her. I'm not sure I would have even fit in the tunnel slide!
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Intercession
We should pray for eachother. We really should. God loves our prayers. He loves that we would know each other's needs and lift them up, bring them forth. We need to stand in the gap for one another. Precious doesn't sleep well. Every other night I take my turn with her and duke it out. Sometimes we have a few hours of good sleep, mixed in with long minutes of restless crying, thrashing, fitfullness....and lately she wants to crawl up on my chest and have her heartbeat against mine. I get it. It's exhausting but I get it. So I pray. I go through my list. I intercede. All of you who have asked for prayer....I pray those prayers and more in those tender minutes at night and beyond. I pray for my babes in India who are fighting for their lives, for my family, my friends, my work....I pray for revival and for mercy....
We should pray for each other. Pray for me. Pray for my kids and my plans and my life. God is molding me like a potter with clay. I just never know what He's gonna do next. I would rather be obedient and unprepared, then say "no thanks" and live on status quo....I want Him to say "well done" and "thank you". That costs me something...alot, really. I want to stay there. Its hard, though. Its hard right now. Its hard when our trip to India is 3 weeks away and we don't feel ready and we ache for our time away from our families. I know India will change me and I will feel disheveled, dissatisfied, torn. Yeah. God authors that. Its ok, but still. Pray for me. I need to be in His will. I need to not be good with the world and worldliness....so just pray. I'll be praying for you too.
We should pray for each other. Pray for me. Pray for my kids and my plans and my life. God is molding me like a potter with clay. I just never know what He's gonna do next. I would rather be obedient and unprepared, then say "no thanks" and live on status quo....I want Him to say "well done" and "thank you". That costs me something...alot, really. I want to stay there. Its hard, though. Its hard right now. Its hard when our trip to India is 3 weeks away and we don't feel ready and we ache for our time away from our families. I know India will change me and I will feel disheveled, dissatisfied, torn. Yeah. God authors that. Its ok, but still. Pray for me. I need to be in His will. I need to not be good with the world and worldliness....so just pray. I'll be praying for you too.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Manna
Last week it was feet I was meditating on. This week its manna. Exodus 16:14 and 31 read this way. "When the dew was gone, thin flakes like frost on the ground appeared on the desert floor. The people of Israel called the bread manna. It was white like coriander seed and tasted like wafers made with honey." I've always known about manna. I know that God provided daily sustenance to the Israelites. They had enough for each day and were not supposed to gather more than they needed for that day, except for Sabboth. We experienced daily manna throughout our adoption journey with Precious. We truly did. We never had more than enough but we always did, and still do, have just enough to get us through the day. It truly is amazing.
As my weeks and days and hours get fuller and busier and more demanding, I find myself crying out for my daily manna. Lord, give me what I need today, to not just survive it but to love this day! I want to abundantly live all of these hours and days and weeks. Mine is the abundant life! I need daily manna to sustain me. I need daily manna to not have to worry about the details, but to live out my days to God's glory and not my fears or failures. Manna! So, what is it? Flakes, seeds, wafers.....or prayer, scripture, sunshine, love, breath, cool breezes, a hint of Holy fragrance in the air? Is it encouragement from friends, a blessing from my family? Is it God? I sure hope so. I want God to be my manna. I want enough to sustain me every day. I want to wake up each morning when the dew is gone, and see the thin flakes like frost on the desert floor. My prayers and my spiritual life often feel like the desert floor. Send the manna, Lord. Send the manna.
As my weeks and days and hours get fuller and busier and more demanding, I find myself crying out for my daily manna. Lord, give me what I need today, to not just survive it but to love this day! I want to abundantly live all of these hours and days and weeks. Mine is the abundant life! I need daily manna to sustain me. I need daily manna to not have to worry about the details, but to live out my days to God's glory and not my fears or failures. Manna! So, what is it? Flakes, seeds, wafers.....or prayer, scripture, sunshine, love, breath, cool breezes, a hint of Holy fragrance in the air? Is it encouragement from friends, a blessing from my family? Is it God? I sure hope so. I want God to be my manna. I want enough to sustain me every day. I want to wake up each morning when the dew is gone, and see the thin flakes like frost on the desert floor. My prayers and my spiritual life often feel like the desert floor. Send the manna, Lord. Send the manna.
Monday, May 9, 2011
India support letter
Dear family and friends,
I’m going to India! My tickets are booked for June 5 through June 20 and I am so excited! My friend Deanne Hoekstra and I have felt moved by God’s mighty hand, to go and serve and minister within a Christian organization called India Christian Ministries. We accepted an invitation to partner with a local worship school, to help local Indian women learn to lead worship through scripture, prayer and music. We are humbled by this since neither of us are ministry leaders, and yet we both have peace, knowing that God will use us for His glory, to advance His church, simply because we said, “yes”. The worship school is in Hyderabad, India which is in the southeastern part of the country. The second part of our trip will be to go and visit an orphanage that I discovered when we were in our adoption process for Precious Maryn. There is a woman there from Montana who is married to a man from India and her ministry is in Ongole, India. She rescues and gives aide and love to abandoned special needs orphans in India. The ministry is called Sarah’s Covenant Homes. I could talk about this ministry for days and weeks and years. We get to visit and help and love on these special children for a week while we are there!
It would have been easy to say, “I’ll plan that trip when I can afford it” or when things “settle down” but I know that day will not come, but this day is the day I get to say “yes” and go. I have never felt a pull to a mission field before. I have always believed that the mission field within my home and right outside my door is enough. This is different. This makes my pulse race and my stomach flutter in a way that suggests that God is at work in a big way and He wants to show me what He is doing. Wow. I am humbled to be asked by the Lord. I am overwhelmed by the magnitude of what it involves to go to India. Because this is a very big deal, I have been in prayer for some time. One morning, soon after we had decided we were, in fact, going, I was praying and through the conversation I had with God, He led me to the passage 2 Kings 4, about the Widow’s Oil. Please read it for your selves! It is so wonderful! I have been blessed for weeks and weeks through this amazing story, and part of the blessing is this. The widow was instructed by Elisha to go to her neighbors and ask for jars, lots of them. She had just a little bit of oil and this was her only asset. She went to the neighbors and with many jars given, began to fill jar after jar with oil. The jars ran out before the oil did! It was a miracle that allowed her to pay her debt, and left her with oil to live on and feed her children.
I am sending this letter as my way of asking my neighbors for jars. If you are willing and able to give financially, to help pay for this trip, I would be very grateful. Maybe it’s not your season to go somewhere but you could help by helping me pay for this trip. If you are willing to provide jars of prayer, then bless you. We need prayers of protection and provision and whatever else God lays on your heart for us. Thank you for praying. If the jars you have to offer involve support and help with my family, feel free to encourage my husband and children while I am gone. They are sacrificing a great deal to let me go and live out this dream.
Thanks for taking the time to read and learn about what God is doing for me and to me and through me. If you care to give, please let me know. Checks can be made to Simply Grace which is a non-profit that I am a part of. Just put Niki in the memo and the check will go to the trip. Receipts are available if you go that route. If you are interested, Deanne created a website to track our progress. Go to the site listed below. We hope to update this site throughout the trip and I hope to blog as well at my site. I’ll leave all the websites at the bottom of the page. May God richly bless and challenge each of you in due time!
Yours, Niki
Updatesfromindia.shutterfly.com
Answertomyprayers.blogspot.com
Indiachristianministries.org (can link to Sarah’s Covenant Homes and Covenant School of Worship from here)
I’m going to India! My tickets are booked for June 5 through June 20 and I am so excited! My friend Deanne Hoekstra and I have felt moved by God’s mighty hand, to go and serve and minister within a Christian organization called India Christian Ministries. We accepted an invitation to partner with a local worship school, to help local Indian women learn to lead worship through scripture, prayer and music. We are humbled by this since neither of us are ministry leaders, and yet we both have peace, knowing that God will use us for His glory, to advance His church, simply because we said, “yes”. The worship school is in Hyderabad, India which is in the southeastern part of the country. The second part of our trip will be to go and visit an orphanage that I discovered when we were in our adoption process for Precious Maryn. There is a woman there from Montana who is married to a man from India and her ministry is in Ongole, India. She rescues and gives aide and love to abandoned special needs orphans in India. The ministry is called Sarah’s Covenant Homes. I could talk about this ministry for days and weeks and years. We get to visit and help and love on these special children for a week while we are there!
It would have been easy to say, “I’ll plan that trip when I can afford it” or when things “settle down” but I know that day will not come, but this day is the day I get to say “yes” and go. I have never felt a pull to a mission field before. I have always believed that the mission field within my home and right outside my door is enough. This is different. This makes my pulse race and my stomach flutter in a way that suggests that God is at work in a big way and He wants to show me what He is doing. Wow. I am humbled to be asked by the Lord. I am overwhelmed by the magnitude of what it involves to go to India. Because this is a very big deal, I have been in prayer for some time. One morning, soon after we had decided we were, in fact, going, I was praying and through the conversation I had with God, He led me to the passage 2 Kings 4, about the Widow’s Oil. Please read it for your selves! It is so wonderful! I have been blessed for weeks and weeks through this amazing story, and part of the blessing is this. The widow was instructed by Elisha to go to her neighbors and ask for jars, lots of them. She had just a little bit of oil and this was her only asset. She went to the neighbors and with many jars given, began to fill jar after jar with oil. The jars ran out before the oil did! It was a miracle that allowed her to pay her debt, and left her with oil to live on and feed her children.
I am sending this letter as my way of asking my neighbors for jars. If you are willing and able to give financially, to help pay for this trip, I would be very grateful. Maybe it’s not your season to go somewhere but you could help by helping me pay for this trip. If you are willing to provide jars of prayer, then bless you. We need prayers of protection and provision and whatever else God lays on your heart for us. Thank you for praying. If the jars you have to offer involve support and help with my family, feel free to encourage my husband and children while I am gone. They are sacrificing a great deal to let me go and live out this dream.
Thanks for taking the time to read and learn about what God is doing for me and to me and through me. If you care to give, please let me know. Checks can be made to Simply Grace which is a non-profit that I am a part of. Just put Niki in the memo and the check will go to the trip. Receipts are available if you go that route. If you are interested, Deanne created a website to track our progress. Go to the site listed below. We hope to update this site throughout the trip and I hope to blog as well at my site. I’ll leave all the websites at the bottom of the page. May God richly bless and challenge each of you in due time!
Yours, Niki
Updatesfromindia.shutterfly.com
Answertomyprayers.blogspot.com
Indiachristianministries.org (can link to Sarah’s Covenant Homes and Covenant School of Worship from here)
Sunday, May 8, 2011
my mom
This last one is for my mom. I've told her Happy Mother's Day twice already. Once when I delivered her hanging flowering plant yesterday, then again today when we all went for brunch to my favorite restraraunt. This is the last time for this year, mom. Happy Mother's Day, Barbara Ann. I love you so much. You taught me that there is no where better than on a mother's lap. I still mourn the day I knew I would never sit on yours again. My kids get more laptime years because of your wonderful lap. It is woven into the fabric of family life because of your wonderful lap. You taught me that books and music and sunshine and friends are as important as food, clothing and shelter. You taught me how to dress, how to set the table properly, how to use my manners and my cunning and my wit. You taught me to love and to give. You are still teaching me today, about grace and acceptance and poise and composure. You are the classiest lady I have ever met. I love you very, very much. We'll do it all over again next year!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
the other moms
Tonight I wish to honor the other moms. I want to recognize step-moms, mom-in-laws, surrogate moms, foster moms (officially and unofficially) and just all the other women who behave like moms. You are the women who think outside the box. You are the ones who love with mama love and give sacrificially and often get nothing back. Thank you. God gave you a special language of love that others don't get. You understand and you accept things. You yield more than you push. Thak you. Happy Mother's Day to all the other moms out there that seldom get recognized.
Friday, May 6, 2011
adoptive moms
Today, in the spirit of Mother's Day posts, I want to honor adoptive moms. We are many in number. We have thousands of stories to tell and billions of tears we have cried for so many reasons. May the Lord God Almighty bless adoptive moms. These are the moms who have ached for a child they have never felt inside the womb. These are the moms who accept love without knowing what it feels like or smells like or looks like, simply because God said it would be so. These are moms who often convinced their husbands to embrace another woman's child or children. Sometimes these kiddos are hard and ungrateful and no one is saying thank you. Well, I'm saying thank you. Thank you to all the moms out there who have adopted, are adopting or hope to adopt some day. The children need you. Desperately. I'm grateful you are here. Happy Mother's Day, adoptive moms.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
another mom
Tonight I'm going to recognize another mom. Me. Hah! Yes, I'm serious. Here's why. Yesterday I found a window of opportunity to fly to a nearby city to shop when I had finished my daily work. My kids were all accounted for, thanks to MY mom, and I could make it work. My step-sister is getting married in 2 weeks and I needed a dress for the wedding and my boys needed dressy shorts for the wedding. I wasn't sure when else I could squeeze it in so I just went for it. I had a great shopping endeavor, found a dress and some skirts and cool light-colored t-shirts for India, etc. I was glad I went but my joy was hampered a bit because of those darn mirrors in the dressing rooms. I'm heavier than I want to be and had to try on bigger sizes than I wanted to and was just discouraged physically. Pasty white skin and way too much winter insulating blubber, etc. etc. On the way home, I was thinking about this and at my age, there just isn't much hope for grand improvement physically.....and then the song came on. This song. The one on the blog. You're Beautiful.
It was as if God broke into my thoughts and responded conversationally and said, "enough, you! enough. You're beautiful....and here is why....." I listened to the words to that song and was completely undone. God thinks I'm beautiful. I'm a middle age mom who spends more time and money on her kids than herself. I'm mediocre, I'm average. I'm going down-hill fast but my mommy skills are honing in with every year I get to wear the mantle of "Mom". I'll put my kids in dance and swim team before I get botox. I'll go serve and love on the other side of the world and love with mommy love before I book a cruise to the Caman Islands. I'll tuck my kids into bed rather than go to exercise class (sometimes). I'm proud to be a mom. I'm glad that being a mom is more important than vanity or self-absorbed thinking. I'll take my broken fingernails and paint my baby girl's instead. Its ok. The creator of the universe thinks I'm beautiful.
It was as if God broke into my thoughts and responded conversationally and said, "enough, you! enough. You're beautiful....and here is why....." I listened to the words to that song and was completely undone. God thinks I'm beautiful. I'm a middle age mom who spends more time and money on her kids than herself. I'm mediocre, I'm average. I'm going down-hill fast but my mommy skills are honing in with every year I get to wear the mantle of "Mom". I'll put my kids in dance and swim team before I get botox. I'll go serve and love on the other side of the world and love with mommy love before I book a cruise to the Caman Islands. I'll tuck my kids into bed rather than go to exercise class (sometimes). I'm proud to be a mom. I'm glad that being a mom is more important than vanity or self-absorbed thinking. I'll take my broken fingernails and paint my baby girl's instead. Its ok. The creator of the universe thinks I'm beautiful.
Can't wait
Ok, so I should wait until tomorrow to feature other moms but I just can't. As I (successfully) listen to the song "You're Beautiful" I am thinking of women I know who deserve honor. Here are a few for tonight.
You, who would swim over sharks and 30 foot waves and much more to reach your children who were crying for a savior, on a life-raft in the sea...you are beautiful. Jesus loves you so, so much.
You, who would leave your work and drive for hours in the night to go home and hold your feverish child...you are beautiful.
You, who would be "mama" to orphans, to yours and to those yet to come...you are beautiful.
You, who grieves for the one you never held, but who lives on in every day of your life....you're beautiful.
You, who question everything you do every day and yet create a generation of loved and safe children...you're beautiful.
You, who didn't ask for a baby but ferociously love the one you have....you're beautiful.
You, who would swim over sharks and 30 foot waves and much more to reach your children who were crying for a savior, on a life-raft in the sea...you are beautiful. Jesus loves you so, so much.
You, who would leave your work and drive for hours in the night to go home and hold your feverish child...you are beautiful.
You, who would be "mama" to orphans, to yours and to those yet to come...you are beautiful.
You, who grieves for the one you never held, but who lives on in every day of your life....you're beautiful.
You, who question everything you do every day and yet create a generation of loved and safe children...you're beautiful.
You, who didn't ask for a baby but ferociously love the one you have....you're beautiful.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
How is Precious?
Often I am asked this question. How is Precious? Precious is grand. She is exceptional. She is full of life and love and mischief. Precious wakes every morning either yelling "MOOOOOM" or crying and staggering around to find me, if she's not already in my arms. The only way I can peal her off me in the morning is if one of the kids lures her to the couch with music from an Ipod, or if she goes back to sleep. She loves going places. She loves social settings. She loves daycare, nursery, shopping....anything that involves going bye-bye.
If we give her the allergy pill and her inhaler every day, she breathes well and stays healthy. If I forget, she gets a runny nose and a tight, wheezy chest within 2 days. Recently, she began throwing fits for random reasons (age two is right around the corner). If she is unhappy she screams, jumps up and down and clenches her fists and her jaws. Its quite a scene. This child has passion. She is very coordinated, very ambitious and very busy. She does not like movies or cartoons but loves books and music. She loves balls more than dolls.
How is Precious? She is alive. She is healthy. She has a hope and a future. As we reflect on moms and mother's day, I am so grateful to her birth mom. I am so grateful to God. This child is alot of work but she is worth every ounce of it. She is.....well, she just is.
Mother's Day is four days away. I honor Precious Maryn's birth mom tonight. She likely got a fresh pack of pictures and a letter recently and I pray it makes her happy and not sad. I pray it helps her heal rather than hurt. Today I heard a new song (to me) and I will attempt to get it on my playlist for this blog. Its called Beautiful by Mercy Me. I hope to feature a different mom for the next few days, in honor of Mother's Day, and hopefully the song will play through the honor. Blessed Mother's Day week everyone.
If we give her the allergy pill and her inhaler every day, she breathes well and stays healthy. If I forget, she gets a runny nose and a tight, wheezy chest within 2 days. Recently, she began throwing fits for random reasons (age two is right around the corner). If she is unhappy she screams, jumps up and down and clenches her fists and her jaws. Its quite a scene. This child has passion. She is very coordinated, very ambitious and very busy. She does not like movies or cartoons but loves books and music. She loves balls more than dolls.
How is Precious? She is alive. She is healthy. She has a hope and a future. As we reflect on moms and mother's day, I am so grateful to her birth mom. I am so grateful to God. This child is alot of work but she is worth every ounce of it. She is.....well, she just is.
Mother's Day is four days away. I honor Precious Maryn's birth mom tonight. She likely got a fresh pack of pictures and a letter recently and I pray it makes her happy and not sad. I pray it helps her heal rather than hurt. Today I heard a new song (to me) and I will attempt to get it on my playlist for this blog. Its called Beautiful by Mercy Me. I hope to feature a different mom for the next few days, in honor of Mother's Day, and hopefully the song will play through the honor. Blessed Mother's Day week everyone.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Feet
I know, I know. You just never know what you're gonna get when you check in to this blog. That's kind of how it goes with me. I'm about feet today. I had a responsible, role-model nurse, annual physical today. I got my scripts for the meds I need to take in India which was very exciting. My doctor was excited for me. My only complaint, other than my lagging BMI (body-mass index which means I'm overweight), was my feet. We talked about my feet for awhile. My feet hurt alot, especially in the morning. I had a wicked fall 8 months ago and it has caused chronic pain in my left foot, and my arches ache....I won't even go into the issues with my big toe. Anyway, its feet.
With the full armor of God, we put on the shoes of peace to bring good news. In bible times, feet washing was huge. The woman who annointed Jesus' feet with expensive perfume knew something very deep and significant about feet. Pregnant women tend to get pedicures before they deliver their babies. Did you know that? Even pre-adoption, I got one. I wanted my toes to look nice when I had my knees up and Precious was resting on my lap. I have quite a few pictures of her beautiful face and my nicely painted toes.
This weekend, after my shower, I took some time and rubbed lotion into my feet. It felt good to take care of my feet. It felt like blessing. If you don't believe me, try it. Take a few extra minutes and notice your feet. Its ok if they are unattractive, smelly, boney or whatever. They are your feet. They carry you. They bear the weight of your life, your plans, your direction, your intention. Your feet have alot of responsibility, as do mine! My feet have to prevent me from falling down, and they have to bear not just my weight but the many hours I carry Precious Maryn who prefers to be in my arms. My feet should hurt. I should take care of them.
Our feet are part of the big picture of our body and our livelyhood. They matter. We should take care of them. Find a metaphor for feet. Magnify the idea. Our faith is a significant part of our body, our livelyhood. It matters. We should take care of our faith, our relationship with God. Our marriage, our children, our church, etc. Orphans are a part of the big picture. The poor are part of the big picture. Widows are part of the big picture. Its silly to write so much about feet and yet, maybe when I notice how much they ache, I may just think about something bigger....and pay attention....and bless....and care.
With the full armor of God, we put on the shoes of peace to bring good news. In bible times, feet washing was huge. The woman who annointed Jesus' feet with expensive perfume knew something very deep and significant about feet. Pregnant women tend to get pedicures before they deliver their babies. Did you know that? Even pre-adoption, I got one. I wanted my toes to look nice when I had my knees up and Precious was resting on my lap. I have quite a few pictures of her beautiful face and my nicely painted toes.
This weekend, after my shower, I took some time and rubbed lotion into my feet. It felt good to take care of my feet. It felt like blessing. If you don't believe me, try it. Take a few extra minutes and notice your feet. Its ok if they are unattractive, smelly, boney or whatever. They are your feet. They carry you. They bear the weight of your life, your plans, your direction, your intention. Your feet have alot of responsibility, as do mine! My feet have to prevent me from falling down, and they have to bear not just my weight but the many hours I carry Precious Maryn who prefers to be in my arms. My feet should hurt. I should take care of them.
Our feet are part of the big picture of our body and our livelyhood. They matter. We should take care of them. Find a metaphor for feet. Magnify the idea. Our faith is a significant part of our body, our livelyhood. It matters. We should take care of our faith, our relationship with God. Our marriage, our children, our church, etc. Orphans are a part of the big picture. The poor are part of the big picture. Widows are part of the big picture. Its silly to write so much about feet and yet, maybe when I notice how much they ache, I may just think about something bigger....and pay attention....and bless....and care.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
random sunday stuff
Osama Bin Laden is dead. I'm just not sure how I feel about that. I'm relieved, but its still sad. I'm guessing he wasn't saved in the 11th hour. I guess its a good day for the country. I don't feel glad, really. Death is still death.
Our couples bible study blessed us tonight with hands-on prayer for our trip to India. Its Holy Ground when friends gather to pray. I feel so strengthened and lifted up when I know prayers are being prayed. Thank you friends! Our church made an announcement about our trip today and we got to share a snippit of what we will be doing (since that's all we really know ourselves!). The love and support and joy and encouragement even around the coffee counter were tremendous. Truly blessed.
Claire is changing diapers! That means she can watch Precious for short periods of time which is huge for me. I can get groceries and run a few errands and not have to juggle kids and sitters. She is proving to be a very big help to me. All 3 big kids are, really. They can take out the garbage, do basic chores and even do some mild cooking....I guess its not all bad having the baby birds grow up enough to get off my lap.
I'm thinking alot about freedom today. Freedom to worship, freedom to gather, freedom to express myself. I am feeling very grateful for my freedom. I'm also tossing around the scripture that talks about the man who found a treasure in a field. He went back home and gathered his resources and bought the field, not just the treasure. I want to consider the lesson there, to not just recognize the treasure, but to buy the field the treasure was found in. Hhhmmmmm.
Our couples bible study blessed us tonight with hands-on prayer for our trip to India. Its Holy Ground when friends gather to pray. I feel so strengthened and lifted up when I know prayers are being prayed. Thank you friends! Our church made an announcement about our trip today and we got to share a snippit of what we will be doing (since that's all we really know ourselves!). The love and support and joy and encouragement even around the coffee counter were tremendous. Truly blessed.
Claire is changing diapers! That means she can watch Precious for short periods of time which is huge for me. I can get groceries and run a few errands and not have to juggle kids and sitters. She is proving to be a very big help to me. All 3 big kids are, really. They can take out the garbage, do basic chores and even do some mild cooking....I guess its not all bad having the baby birds grow up enough to get off my lap.
I'm thinking alot about freedom today. Freedom to worship, freedom to gather, freedom to express myself. I am feeling very grateful for my freedom. I'm also tossing around the scripture that talks about the man who found a treasure in a field. He went back home and gathered his resources and bought the field, not just the treasure. I want to consider the lesson there, to not just recognize the treasure, but to buy the field the treasure was found in. Hhhmmmmm.
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