I'm watching a video made by someone who was in India when we were. I am missing India tonight. I can't get the video to upload, but this picture shares a bit of it.
Monday, October 31, 2011
to brag or not to brag
I chose not to. I have a brag post looming, about my daughter Claire who is presenting about SCH to her class and they are writing letters....but that's for another day. I don't want anyone to get the impression that I have a perfect life with perfect children who always behave perfectly. In fact, I should have video-taped Precious who stopped 2 steps from the landing and screamed bloody murder (for haloween, you know) because I wouldn't pick her up and carry her. 2 steps from the top. Screamed at the top of her lungs for several long moments. Hours, really. No, just kidding. Just minutes, but they felt like hours. Eventually I held her on the top step until she stopped screaming. Thought she was gonna puke all over me from the coughing and sputtering. So, make no mistake, perfection does not live here! Now she's snuggled next to me, holding her pink blankie, sucking on her sippy of milk and watching Curious George. Lovely.
Because I loathe haloween, I was dreading today. I looked at my calender and discovered that I could get away with a "mental health" day today.....and just escape into the world of self care. So I set it up a few days ago. Last night, my plans began to unravel. A client sent out a distress call, "I need you"....and then this morning, a few other urgent prayer needs surfaced. I began to see that God was not calling me to a mental health day, to fill up, but rather to a work day, to intercede on behalf of His People, His Children that were hurting, and in need of prayer. Then it dawned on me. Of course it's a spiritual warfare day, a day of prayer and intercession, a day of standing in the gap and warring against evil and fighting for healing and goodness and joy. It's haloween. It's scary day. It's the day everyone makes light of demons and devils and ghosts and evil. We all think satan is less scary today. Well, not all. I don't. I'm still aware of his plot, his plan, his deception, his destruction. Acutely aware.
I fulfilled my obligations for my job, and then took myself to my favorite local spot in nature to find the Lord. 2 hours of intimate communion with my Lord that were completely unaffected by haloween nonsense. Blissful. Autumn groves and a rolling river are fully intact on October 31. The Lord and I had a good afternoon together. We worked on the spiritual warfare list, I confessed, I beseeched, I asked for stuff, I talked and talked and talked. God is such a gentleman. He really is. He never needs to speak first. That's why I can't picture God as a woman. We ALWAYS need to talk first. He listened. Then I listened. He spoke. Then we walked together and we shared some stuff that is just between God and me. It was lovely. If I could make this a tradition on October 31, I don't think I'll mind haloween nearly as much.
Because I loathe haloween, I was dreading today. I looked at my calender and discovered that I could get away with a "mental health" day today.....and just escape into the world of self care. So I set it up a few days ago. Last night, my plans began to unravel. A client sent out a distress call, "I need you"....and then this morning, a few other urgent prayer needs surfaced. I began to see that God was not calling me to a mental health day, to fill up, but rather to a work day, to intercede on behalf of His People, His Children that were hurting, and in need of prayer. Then it dawned on me. Of course it's a spiritual warfare day, a day of prayer and intercession, a day of standing in the gap and warring against evil and fighting for healing and goodness and joy. It's haloween. It's scary day. It's the day everyone makes light of demons and devils and ghosts and evil. We all think satan is less scary today. Well, not all. I don't. I'm still aware of his plot, his plan, his deception, his destruction. Acutely aware.
I fulfilled my obligations for my job, and then took myself to my favorite local spot in nature to find the Lord. 2 hours of intimate communion with my Lord that were completely unaffected by haloween nonsense. Blissful. Autumn groves and a rolling river are fully intact on October 31. The Lord and I had a good afternoon together. We worked on the spiritual warfare list, I confessed, I beseeched, I asked for stuff, I talked and talked and talked. God is such a gentleman. He really is. He never needs to speak first. That's why I can't picture God as a woman. We ALWAYS need to talk first. He listened. Then I listened. He spoke. Then we walked together and we shared some stuff that is just between God and me. It was lovely. If I could make this a tradition on October 31, I don't think I'll mind haloween nearly as much.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
practice Thanksgiving
We are planning to host the Thanksgiving dinner for my dad's side of the family this year at our home. We have done potluck, casserole-type dishes for a few years, but this year, Roger and I decided that we want to make turkey and have the relatives take all the "trimmings".....whatever that means. Side dishes, beverages, etc. There could be dozens and dozens of folks milling around that day, so we decided to prepare 2 turkeys and my husband REALLY wants to make at least one of them on the green egg grill he is so proud of. He's a really good griller and I was all for it. But. You can't just buy a $20.00 bird and cook it on Thanksgiving day and trust it will all turn out ok. You have to practice.
We have friends we try to get together with monthly. We usually make food and eat at one house or the other so our combined 7 kids can play and relax and we can enjoy each other's company. We locked in on tonight and I asked if we could practice with our turkey. They graciously accepted. We decided to make it a Thanksgiving dinner practice night. We had turkey, sweet potatoes, veggies, mashed taters and gravy, rolls....pumpkin pie, the works! We went around the table and all shared something we were thankful for. By the time it got back to me, we were all so engrossed in our feast that I didn't share mine. Here it is.
I'm thankful for opportunities to practice Thanksgiving. We sat around the table with 4 adults and a bunch of kids and we laughed, and talked, and said, "pass the veggies, pass the rolls, etc." and we shared the moment. Our kids experienced Thanksgiving dinner on October 29. It doesn't have to wait for late November. Practice Thanksgiving. Cook a feast. Eat with friends. Share gratitude.
As we were packing up to leave, late in the night, after a board game and dessert, someone said, "so when do we get to practice Christmas dinner?" What a great idea. We will have to plan that.
We have friends we try to get together with monthly. We usually make food and eat at one house or the other so our combined 7 kids can play and relax and we can enjoy each other's company. We locked in on tonight and I asked if we could practice with our turkey. They graciously accepted. We decided to make it a Thanksgiving dinner practice night. We had turkey, sweet potatoes, veggies, mashed taters and gravy, rolls....pumpkin pie, the works! We went around the table and all shared something we were thankful for. By the time it got back to me, we were all so engrossed in our feast that I didn't share mine. Here it is.
I'm thankful for opportunities to practice Thanksgiving. We sat around the table with 4 adults and a bunch of kids and we laughed, and talked, and said, "pass the veggies, pass the rolls, etc." and we shared the moment. Our kids experienced Thanksgiving dinner on October 29. It doesn't have to wait for late November. Practice Thanksgiving. Cook a feast. Eat with friends. Share gratitude.
As we were packing up to leave, late in the night, after a board game and dessert, someone said, "so when do we get to practice Christmas dinner?" What a great idea. We will have to plan that.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
This week, I've been edgy, punchy, and just plain off. Maybe this is due to the extreme highs and lows emotionally last week, maybe its just the seasons changing. Who knows. I'll be really glad when all the ghosts and goblins and spooks and witches disappear from absolutely everywhere....I sincerely believe that will help.
Today I was crabby because I had some work stuff to do and I really just wanted to be home. In fact, yesterday I felt the same way. Responsibilities. Commitments. Time-consuming activities that draw me away from where I really want to be: Home. Home with my candles, my music, my laptop for writing or reading or connecting with India.....home, with the pictures of my beautiful smiling children all around me. Home with big windows that show me the falling leaves, the squirrels, the sky. Home. Instead it was go, go, go. And TO TOP IT OFF>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>on the way home from a visit, I heard a news tidbit on the radio. Recent studies show that red meat increases the onset of diabetes. Well, for the love of pete. I like meat. I like all meat, but red meat, here in Iowa, is the most readily accessible. And the cheapest. And what my brood of children (and husband) prefer. So great. Now I have to try to figure out how to get them to eat fish, and more poultry, and even vegan. It's just exhausting, people. It really is. So. I got crabby. It's hard enough trying to eat on a budget, be sensible with money, and feed them healthy food. Now, its red meat only twice a week. doggon it.
I went for a walk, took deep breaths in clean fresh air. I noticed trees and animals and space and freedom. I gained prespective. The kids came home and began gushing, simultaneously, about their day. They keep it in for hours because they are not allowed to say whatever they want, whenever they want, in class. At home, it is simply volcanic. So I listened, I "uh-huh"-d. And then I really listened.
"Mom, today the teacher asked us to name someone who makes us think of God and how to live for him and (--------) said, "Niki Kredit" because she went to India to help orphans. And mom, I just kept thinking of you all day, everything we talked about....and mom, can we get the pictures ready so we can assign everyone in my class one of the SCH kids for a writing project next week? I really want to work on it.".....wow. Yes. Ok.
Today I was crabby because I had some work stuff to do and I really just wanted to be home. In fact, yesterday I felt the same way. Responsibilities. Commitments. Time-consuming activities that draw me away from where I really want to be: Home. Home with my candles, my music, my laptop for writing or reading or connecting with India.....home, with the pictures of my beautiful smiling children all around me. Home with big windows that show me the falling leaves, the squirrels, the sky. Home. Instead it was go, go, go. And TO TOP IT OFF>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>on the way home from a visit, I heard a news tidbit on the radio. Recent studies show that red meat increases the onset of diabetes. Well, for the love of pete. I like meat. I like all meat, but red meat, here in Iowa, is the most readily accessible. And the cheapest. And what my brood of children (and husband) prefer. So great. Now I have to try to figure out how to get them to eat fish, and more poultry, and even vegan. It's just exhausting, people. It really is. So. I got crabby. It's hard enough trying to eat on a budget, be sensible with money, and feed them healthy food. Now, its red meat only twice a week. doggon it.
I went for a walk, took deep breaths in clean fresh air. I noticed trees and animals and space and freedom. I gained prespective. The kids came home and began gushing, simultaneously, about their day. They keep it in for hours because they are not allowed to say whatever they want, whenever they want, in class. At home, it is simply volcanic. So I listened, I "uh-huh"-d. And then I really listened.
"Mom, today the teacher asked us to name someone who makes us think of God and how to live for him and (--------) said, "Niki Kredit" because she went to India to help orphans. And mom, I just kept thinking of you all day, everything we talked about....and mom, can we get the pictures ready so we can assign everyone in my class one of the SCH kids for a writing project next week? I really want to work on it.".....wow. Yes. Ok.
Monday, October 24, 2011
baby Emma
Hi Everyone. Remember little Emma, rescued by Sarah's Covenant Homes awhile back? She needs our prayers. Initially, she showed good weight gain but when they took her back to the hospital to decide if she could have the life-saving surgery, by placing a shunt in her head to drain the fluid, the doctors were skeptical. She has not gained enough weight for them to feel comfortable with the surgery. The problem, according to Sarah, is that without the surgery, the doctors will send her home and her head will continue to swell and she will die. That's just not ok. If she's destined to die, then so be it. God numbered her days (and all of ours) before the first breath. However, Sarah believes, as do I, that every life is sacred and worth saving. Emma is breathing. She is blinking. She is feeling pain and she is aware of light, dark, loving touch,etc. Emma is alive for today. Would you please join me in praying for her small, sweet, barely-started little life?
What if it was never God's intention that she be born with spina bifida. What if she was created to thrive and grow healthy and strong, but her birth mama didn't know about her, didn't take vitamins or eat enough....what if. What if when she was born, there were surgeries that could have helped, but her mama didn't know, or believe anyone would help her, so instead she left her. What if her birth mama is grieving somewhere, overcome with guilt and shame and horror at the life she brought forth and then abandoned. What if we could help bring restoration, bring help, bring wholeness to Emma's life. What if our prayers could rend the heavens, could move the heart of God, could change Emma's future. What if we could help heal her, by our prayers, by our financial gifts, by our mere expression of compassion and care.
You can call me a hopeless romantic, a dreamer, an idealist. I just have to say that if I didn't live in that world, I couldn't live at all. I have to live in the world where God heals and there are happy moments and huge shifts in the galaxy where God wins and satan loses. I have to live in the world where we pray and things change. Pray with me, that the doctors will try to save Emma, that Sarah and her staff will have wisdom in how to care for her, that Emma will thrive. Maybe, just maybe, God is for that.
Sarah told me today that the exchange rate, right now, is really good for rupees to dollars. That means that if we send money, more of it comes directly to SCH. That's pretty cool. If you had thoughts of giving before but didn't, please consider giving now so they can take advantage of this good rate. She felt like it would stay where it is, at 49 rupees per dollar, for at least a month.
We all like to think about/read about/live in the moments of our own reality: autumn beauty, kids in school, football, chili soup and cinamon rolls....but in India, among my friends, their reality is much different. I choose to go there and because you all keep reading with me....you do to. Thanks for reading. Please pray. Give if you can.
What if it was never God's intention that she be born with spina bifida. What if she was created to thrive and grow healthy and strong, but her birth mama didn't know about her, didn't take vitamins or eat enough....what if. What if when she was born, there were surgeries that could have helped, but her mama didn't know, or believe anyone would help her, so instead she left her. What if her birth mama is grieving somewhere, overcome with guilt and shame and horror at the life she brought forth and then abandoned. What if we could help bring restoration, bring help, bring wholeness to Emma's life. What if our prayers could rend the heavens, could move the heart of God, could change Emma's future. What if we could help heal her, by our prayers, by our financial gifts, by our mere expression of compassion and care.
You can call me a hopeless romantic, a dreamer, an idealist. I just have to say that if I didn't live in that world, I couldn't live at all. I have to live in the world where God heals and there are happy moments and huge shifts in the galaxy where God wins and satan loses. I have to live in the world where we pray and things change. Pray with me, that the doctors will try to save Emma, that Sarah and her staff will have wisdom in how to care for her, that Emma will thrive. Maybe, just maybe, God is for that.
Sarah told me today that the exchange rate, right now, is really good for rupees to dollars. That means that if we send money, more of it comes directly to SCH. That's pretty cool. If you had thoughts of giving before but didn't, please consider giving now so they can take advantage of this good rate. She felt like it would stay where it is, at 49 rupees per dollar, for at least a month.
We all like to think about/read about/live in the moments of our own reality: autumn beauty, kids in school, football, chili soup and cinamon rolls....but in India, among my friends, their reality is much different. I choose to go there and because you all keep reading with me....you do to. Thanks for reading. Please pray. Give if you can.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
to yield
It's time to yield. I defer to God's authority and wisdom and patience and goodness. He is a much better parent than I am. I yield to Him. I am not doing such a good job. Precious is running me ragged, wearing me out and driving me nuts. She's fast, happy, a bit fiesty and oh, so busy. She is loud, intense and demanding. She is two. She's dangerous. I barely got the scissors out of her hands before she sliced into her forhead....and we all know she doesn't have hair to spare there! I can't stay ahead of her mess or her needs. I can't seem to exercise or clean or organize or function far from survival mode. I yield. God knew, when I was praying for this child, that I would not be able to handle her. He knew it, he really did. He knew that about each of the four of them. I have felt the same way about each one, from time to time. So tonight, I yield. I'm asking God for help. I'm not good enough, patient enough, smart enough or energized enough to do a decent job. I need God's help. I give up. I'm not gonna claim to be doing it well cuz I'm just not. Help, Lord.
That said, I can hold her sweet little foot in my hand as she zones out to a cartoon, and marvel at her precious life, her future, her hope. I can be amazed that but through prayer, she might not be here. I can wait a few minutes more for her to fall asleep and then drag her heavy body to my chest and just hold her, feeling the weight of her sweetness on me. I can feel grateful that we got a chance to do the crazy thing called adoption, and experience such an amazing and unique aspect of parenting. I can. I will. I yield because I need to remember how unworthy and ill-equipped I am to raise these kids....and then I watch God step in and do what He does every time. He makes it beautiful. to Yield.
That said, I can hold her sweet little foot in my hand as she zones out to a cartoon, and marvel at her precious life, her future, her hope. I can be amazed that but through prayer, she might not be here. I can wait a few minutes more for her to fall asleep and then drag her heavy body to my chest and just hold her, feeling the weight of her sweetness on me. I can feel grateful that we got a chance to do the crazy thing called adoption, and experience such an amazing and unique aspect of parenting. I can. I will. I yield because I need to remember how unworthy and ill-equipped I am to raise these kids....and then I watch God step in and do what He does every time. He makes it beautiful. to Yield.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Tonight we had a farewell dinner for G and G Kredit. They drove 3 hours, to spend the afternoon and evening with us, before they head south for the winter. We stuffed ourselves on the pizza buffet, then they played a board game with the kids (I kept Precious occupied so that the game pieces stayed on the table) and then there was a brief dance performance in the study. They are now driving home. I hope I am that kind of a grandparent, that I will travel a great distance, just for a precious few hours. We will miss them while they are wintering in Arizona.
Tomorrow is the first swim meet. I hope pizza and chicken and soda are good fuel for grade-school swimmers. I guess we'll find out tomorrow. If it were up to me, I'd be feeling like dead weight in the water. In fact, I feel that way right now with all those carbs congealing in my gut. Ugh. The boys are ready to swim and we are all eager to know if they are faster yet. In swim meets, you race against your own time and try not to worry about everyone else in your heet. It's all about the times.
There is only a week left of October, which is just fine with me. Once November comes we can start to look to holidays, yummy recipes, family get-togethers and winter. There is always something to look forward to, more wonderful things coming if you are watching on the horizon for them. It's a hard balance, isn't it? To live in the present, but eagerly welcome the future, and savor the memories of the past? It's no wonder the laundry never gets done!
Tomorrow is the first swim meet. I hope pizza and chicken and soda are good fuel for grade-school swimmers. I guess we'll find out tomorrow. If it were up to me, I'd be feeling like dead weight in the water. In fact, I feel that way right now with all those carbs congealing in my gut. Ugh. The boys are ready to swim and we are all eager to know if they are faster yet. In swim meets, you race against your own time and try not to worry about everyone else in your heet. It's all about the times.
There is only a week left of October, which is just fine with me. Once November comes we can start to look to holidays, yummy recipes, family get-togethers and winter. There is always something to look forward to, more wonderful things coming if you are watching on the horizon for them. It's a hard balance, isn't it? To live in the present, but eagerly welcome the future, and savor the memories of the past? It's no wonder the laundry never gets done!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
self care
This is one of my favorite topics. I just loooooovvveee to think about and share and experience self care. As many of you know, I have been poured completely out in the last days/weeks. I am emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually drained. What a positively lovely place to be. Empty. God moves and love begins to fill in the spaces. I engage and check in with my own self, and look at what I need. I feel very alive when I am being poured out and I feel very cared for when I am filling back up. Here's what self care looked like today.
A morning at the office with people I respect, love, admire and need. These are professionals who inspire me and who keep me accountable to my calling, my career, my vocare. Yep, I went to work. The beautiful part is I got to take Precious along. My sitter needed the day off and my mom is vacationing in Utah with family, so P and I went to the office together. She sang and read books and caused a wild rumpus during 2 staffings, then we did a visit together and my client's 2 daughters, who normally get me all to themselves, were just in a state of awe that this little darling kept calling me "mama" and reclaiming my lap. I felt so loved.
A nice long nap for Precious followed. I checked e-mail, folded laundry, etc. Then I got the kids and we picked up the house. For me, self care means cleaning up! I got to watch Claire in her final scrimmage of volleyball. The girl's pretty good! Then they all went to church and Precious settled in to watch multiple episodes of Caillou and Dora. I dusted, and then made soup. Not just any soup. Butternut/acorn squash soup.....and some garlic croissants just to add to the aroma.
The soup is almost ready, the house is dusted (praise GOD from whom all blessings flow!)...and will soon be vacuumed. My 2 year old is splashing in the tub and I....well I feel very cared for.
Now that, friends, is self care. Have a blessed mid-week night. That whole "wordless wednesday" blogger thing never works for me. I'm just too darn wordy.
A morning at the office with people I respect, love, admire and need. These are professionals who inspire me and who keep me accountable to my calling, my career, my vocare. Yep, I went to work. The beautiful part is I got to take Precious along. My sitter needed the day off and my mom is vacationing in Utah with family, so P and I went to the office together. She sang and read books and caused a wild rumpus during 2 staffings, then we did a visit together and my client's 2 daughters, who normally get me all to themselves, were just in a state of awe that this little darling kept calling me "mama" and reclaiming my lap. I felt so loved.
A nice long nap for Precious followed. I checked e-mail, folded laundry, etc. Then I got the kids and we picked up the house. For me, self care means cleaning up! I got to watch Claire in her final scrimmage of volleyball. The girl's pretty good! Then they all went to church and Precious settled in to watch multiple episodes of Caillou and Dora. I dusted, and then made soup. Not just any soup. Butternut/acorn squash soup.....and some garlic croissants just to add to the aroma.
The soup is almost ready, the house is dusted (praise GOD from whom all blessings flow!)...and will soon be vacuumed. My 2 year old is splashing in the tub and I....well I feel very cared for.
Now that, friends, is self care. Have a blessed mid-week night. That whole "wordless wednesday" blogger thing never works for me. I'm just too darn wordy.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Sara Groves -- Eyes on the Prize
reminder, to hear this, just hit pause on the ipod to the right of my blog, so that you can hear her speak. hope it works, if not, just find it on you tube.
it's done!
As we wrapped up the second break out session, I just kept saying, "it's done, it's done....I made it, it's over".....and my dear sweet friend Jill just smiled and quietly said (more than once) "for now". She's right. I get to savor the waves of relief that flood my heart and mind because I got through the talking today and God was glorified and the heavens shifted again in a way that the Lord Wins and satan loses. All in all, it was a good day. I got to once again experience the rush, the adrenalin surge, that comes when the Holy Spirit falls on my words and takes over and speaks to His people through my voice. That just plum solid always feels good.
I'm sure I will speak again, if God wills it and calls me to it. I will again share my heart, my pain, my victory, my joy and publicly sob and wipe my nose and take breaths in front of people who are looking at only me. I will survive it again, I'm sure, because God wants to be revealed. I'm proud to let Him be seen in my life. It's good.
The point of the conference was to raise awareness for Human Trafficking and slavery. It is a weighty topic. The suffering that occurs under this sin and horror is near and far. It's not just in third world countries, people. It is closer than that. Christians cannot just turn the other way and pretend it doesn't happen. True Religion says we have to respond to the plight of the widow, the orphan and the poor among us. I plan to answer to Jesus on my last day, and I'm just guessing this topic might come up. I want to say I faced off with the ugliness of it and I was willing to help. I want to tell Jesus I found Him there, in the stories of victory and rescue and redemption and healing. I want to be among the ones he counts faithful and willing to get their hands dirty and go out to save the hurting, the lost, the oppressed.
Now! You and I both know that this can and should be done in orphan care, in adoption. (If someone could please remind my husband that this is the least painful, most gratifying response, I would appreciate it.) Some may be called to change laws, some to physically join teams of rescue, some will be called to aftercare for those who are suffering from trauma and abuse.....but all Christians are called to respond. It will take awhile for me to figure out my role in it, (unless, of course, Roger picks door number one which is clearly marked and easily opened, to add a child to our home through adoption). Please go to the website of International Justice Missions, and learn more, about how Christians are responding. I'm so proud that this comes from America. We can be proud as Americans, that we are helping in this way. Please also pray for Jim Martin, who led our conference, that he would be protected physically and spiritually, as he effects change on this amazing level. Some folks are actually out there really doing the radical work of helping Jesus save His World.
I'm sure I will speak again, if God wills it and calls me to it. I will again share my heart, my pain, my victory, my joy and publicly sob and wipe my nose and take breaths in front of people who are looking at only me. I will survive it again, I'm sure, because God wants to be revealed. I'm proud to let Him be seen in my life. It's good.
The point of the conference was to raise awareness for Human Trafficking and slavery. It is a weighty topic. The suffering that occurs under this sin and horror is near and far. It's not just in third world countries, people. It is closer than that. Christians cannot just turn the other way and pretend it doesn't happen. True Religion says we have to respond to the plight of the widow, the orphan and the poor among us. I plan to answer to Jesus on my last day, and I'm just guessing this topic might come up. I want to say I faced off with the ugliness of it and I was willing to help. I want to tell Jesus I found Him there, in the stories of victory and rescue and redemption and healing. I want to be among the ones he counts faithful and willing to get their hands dirty and go out to save the hurting, the lost, the oppressed.
Now! You and I both know that this can and should be done in orphan care, in adoption. (If someone could please remind my husband that this is the least painful, most gratifying response, I would appreciate it.) Some may be called to change laws, some to physically join teams of rescue, some will be called to aftercare for those who are suffering from trauma and abuse.....but all Christians are called to respond. It will take awhile for me to figure out my role in it, (unless, of course, Roger picks door number one which is clearly marked and easily opened, to add a child to our home through adoption). Please go to the website of International Justice Missions, and learn more, about how Christians are responding. I'm so proud that this comes from America. We can be proud as Americans, that we are helping in this way. Please also pray for Jim Martin, who led our conference, that he would be protected physically and spiritually, as he effects change on this amazing level. Some folks are actually out there really doing the radical work of helping Jesus save His World.
Saturday, October 15, 2011
public speaking
I've completed 3 of my 4 public speaking commitments. Monday is the last and biggest one. I will be so glad when monday is done! I'm eager to go back to quiet, private, non-nervous daily activities. It's good to share your story, to share your life, your passions, your blessings, but it's also very good to have done it and to have it behind you.
Today I met with a group of birth moms on retreat. I shared my life story so far, and how good things can come later, even if bad choices or hard times are your present.....and we talked alot about Jesus. That was the best part. I had prayed that God would be glorified and I would be made less.....and even though I told all about me, it was ultimately about Jesus. I'm pretty sure they will be thinking about Jesus and not about me, as they process things at their homes tonight. I am praying for them, knowing some are struggling through hard decisions, others through grief and remembering, others in hope and assurance of better days. It makes me think of Precious maryn's birth mom and I just wish we had the kind of relationship that allowed me to call her and talk. I would love to talk to her tonight, and just tell her thank you again. I would love to reassure her that her baby is growing and happy and loved and cherished and that she sings about Jesus and smiles and kisses and hugs us all the time. I can write it in our regular letters, with the pictures we send her, but being able to speak to her would be lovely.
Please pray that I can walk through the next 48 hours with grace and peace. I don't feel so well, catching a cold, not sleeping so good, run down. I know God will do what He needs to do, and say what he plans to say, through me, as I share on Monday, but gearing up to do it twice in 2 break out sessions is just alot. I'm already tired. Hoping for some good sabboth rest tomorrow and maybe even a nice long walk.
Here's to walking out the daily work of living as a Christian; redeemed, forgiven, blessed, cherished, chosen, loved, convicted, annointed, instructed, disciplined, challenged, comforted, led and moved with every single breath that we breathe in Jesus precious name.
Today I met with a group of birth moms on retreat. I shared my life story so far, and how good things can come later, even if bad choices or hard times are your present.....and we talked alot about Jesus. That was the best part. I had prayed that God would be glorified and I would be made less.....and even though I told all about me, it was ultimately about Jesus. I'm pretty sure they will be thinking about Jesus and not about me, as they process things at their homes tonight. I am praying for them, knowing some are struggling through hard decisions, others through grief and remembering, others in hope and assurance of better days. It makes me think of Precious maryn's birth mom and I just wish we had the kind of relationship that allowed me to call her and talk. I would love to talk to her tonight, and just tell her thank you again. I would love to reassure her that her baby is growing and happy and loved and cherished and that she sings about Jesus and smiles and kisses and hugs us all the time. I can write it in our regular letters, with the pictures we send her, but being able to speak to her would be lovely.
Please pray that I can walk through the next 48 hours with grace and peace. I don't feel so well, catching a cold, not sleeping so good, run down. I know God will do what He needs to do, and say what he plans to say, through me, as I share on Monday, but gearing up to do it twice in 2 break out sessions is just alot. I'm already tired. Hoping for some good sabboth rest tomorrow and maybe even a nice long walk.
Here's to walking out the daily work of living as a Christian; redeemed, forgiven, blessed, cherished, chosen, loved, convicted, annointed, instructed, disciplined, challenged, comforted, led and moved with every single breath that we breathe in Jesus precious name.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
goal met!
Sarah posted on facebook that Max's surgery is covered> Someone kicked in the second half. Isn't that amazing? God is so good. Please pray that he stays healthy now until next week, and that the surgery goes well without complications.
I have a few public speaking endeavors coming up so I covet prayers for those as well, that I would glorify Jesus and not die of fright. Hopeless introvert meets medium to large group and they stare for long moments as they listen........
I have a few public speaking endeavors coming up so I covet prayers for those as well, that I would glorify Jesus and not die of fright. Hopeless introvert meets medium to large group and they stare for long moments as they listen........
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Here's Max. My sons adore Max. Max is one of the newest SCH kids and he has a heart surgery scheduled soon. They still need to raise about $1300 for his operation. Max may not live long without this operation and if I know Sarah, she'll schedule it and pay with whatever money she can find. You see, in India, you pay first, then you get medical care. How long do we Americans think we would live with that system? Not long, I bet. If Max was your 1 year old, would you not move heaven and earth to provide him with a life-saving surgery? Guess what? Max is. He is your child and he is my child because Max is an orphan. He has no parents. Oh....wait....yes he does. He has a Father....a Heavenly Father. Oh yeah, all the money belongs to the Lord, now doesn't it. Please join me in praying fervently that the money rolls in soon so Sarah can enter into this very scary surgery, with little Max, and not worry about the cost. Please help me pray that he will survive the surgery and have a long and bright future here on earth until he one day meets his real Father face to face. Oh man, do I want to be part of this kiddo's live-saving surgery. We will give, but we just can't give it all. Please help me and give something....give money and prayer. I will do the same.
Go to sarahscovenanthomes.blogspot.com and find the chipin button. Thanks.
kids youth director: Niki, would you be willing to help with a service project for our wednesday night church program? We would like to get a list of children who are sick in the hospital and make a card for them.
me: That sounds awesome! The big problem would be confidentiality.....I have another idea. How about making cards for abandoned special needs orphans in India? I just so happen to have a long list of names for them!
director: I love that idea! Thanks for your help......(later email) could you come present to the kids this coming wednesday?
me: "DEANNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!........................"HEEEELLLLLPPPPPPPPP!".....(later email) why certainly, kids' director! I'd be happy to! I'll get some pictures together to give to the children so they can see who they are writing to. How many children are in the program?
director: around 100, but if that's too much trouble, maybe just do 1 per class.....
me: (thanks to Deanne)....we have 96 pictures of children under age 18. Lets start with that.
So! It's that night. I just got home. I am beaming, my heart is bursting right out of my chest. Around 90 kids listened attentively as I shared SCH with them, then listened as I shared the passage from Matthew about what you do to the least of these you do to me (Jesus)....and then we played the latest video from SCH on facebook. They each filed past me and I handed out around 90 pictures with the blog name and age on the back, so that our church kids can remember their Indian brothers and sisters in Christ. There's talk about a fund raiser in the works. I have not been this proud of my church in quite awhile. Kids, kindergarten to fifth grade, began orphan ministry tonight. God is good.....all the time.
me: That sounds awesome! The big problem would be confidentiality.....I have another idea. How about making cards for abandoned special needs orphans in India? I just so happen to have a long list of names for them!
director: I love that idea! Thanks for your help......(later email) could you come present to the kids this coming wednesday?
me: "DEANNE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!........................"HEEEELLLLLPPPPPPPPP!".....(later email) why certainly, kids' director! I'd be happy to! I'll get some pictures together to give to the children so they can see who they are writing to. How many children are in the program?
director: around 100, but if that's too much trouble, maybe just do 1 per class.....
me: (thanks to Deanne)....we have 96 pictures of children under age 18. Lets start with that.
So! It's that night. I just got home. I am beaming, my heart is bursting right out of my chest. Around 90 kids listened attentively as I shared SCH with them, then listened as I shared the passage from Matthew about what you do to the least of these you do to me (Jesus)....and then we played the latest video from SCH on facebook. They each filed past me and I handed out around 90 pictures with the blog name and age on the back, so that our church kids can remember their Indian brothers and sisters in Christ. There's talk about a fund raiser in the works. I have not been this proud of my church in quite awhile. Kids, kindergarten to fifth grade, began orphan ministry tonight. God is good.....all the time.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
weekend recap
This weekend was full, full, full! Friday the kids were off school (Thursday and Friday actually) so I didn't work much and tried to be home and have fun. We went to Pumpkinland on Friday, and the rec center, and at night dad took the big kids to a football game and I got to stay home with Precious. She fell asleep at 6:30pm and didn't really wake up until morning, other than her thrashing about, need some milk, etc. I had a restful night. Saturday and Sunday morning I attended a women's conference with my church women's ministry. The speaker was Libby Vincent from California, and her topic was Hope. It was extraordinary.
Sometimes, we need a hope adjustment. When what we hope for isn't going to happen, its time to adjust our hope. Ultimately, our hope is in Jesus, and our joy and faith and power comes from Him....but hope can be a battlefield of the mind. I found great comfort and healing and power in the idea of a hope adjustment. I'm working on mine. Certain aspects of my life have not gone the way I had "hoped" and I intend to have a hope adjustment, so that I don't become bitter and angry and hostile. She suggested listing 3 things we are grateful for every day. It's hard to feel hopeless when you are grateful.
1. I am so grateful for my competent, loving, attentive husband who cleaned up vomit in the toddler's bed and took the football boy to the ER to make sure his elbow was not broken after the game.
2. I'm grateful he didn't tell me about either thing while I was away overnight or I would not have stayed for the full conference, or heard that Hope is Celebration.
3. I am grateful for my backyard bonfire, where we could sit and roast hot dogs and talk about our weekend and live in the moment, practicing the presence of God. Significant things happend around this fire. You may ask me for an example if you want to. Be prepared for more whimsy than revelation.
Sometimes, we need a hope adjustment. When what we hope for isn't going to happen, its time to adjust our hope. Ultimately, our hope is in Jesus, and our joy and faith and power comes from Him....but hope can be a battlefield of the mind. I found great comfort and healing and power in the idea of a hope adjustment. I'm working on mine. Certain aspects of my life have not gone the way I had "hoped" and I intend to have a hope adjustment, so that I don't become bitter and angry and hostile. She suggested listing 3 things we are grateful for every day. It's hard to feel hopeless when you are grateful.
1. I am so grateful for my competent, loving, attentive husband who cleaned up vomit in the toddler's bed and took the football boy to the ER to make sure his elbow was not broken after the game.
2. I'm grateful he didn't tell me about either thing while I was away overnight or I would not have stayed for the full conference, or heard that Hope is Celebration.
3. I am grateful for my backyard bonfire, where we could sit and roast hot dogs and talk about our weekend and live in the moment, practicing the presence of God. Significant things happend around this fire. You may ask me for an example if you want to. Be prepared for more whimsy than revelation.
Friday, October 7, 2011
This is a story about a little girl who lives very far away. She is very small and has very big, sad eyes. When you look at her, you would think she is just a typical nine-year old. She has no visible handicap or disability. This little girl spent her life fighting to live. She likely suffered horrendous abuse, hunger, fear, deprivation and rage. She is a fighter. She did not fold in on herself and give up. When someone came to the orphanage, she perked up and she showed her best qualities, her brightest voice, her smartest thoughts. She believed that she would be helped, and moved, and saved.
Her dreams came true but then she figured it out. It's hard to not fight to survive. It's hard to accept grace and love. A child who may have never known love is a mess. This little girl, who fought to live, now threatens suicide. This little child who likely dreamed of a full stomach on nights where her empty stomach growled....she is refusing to eat. It is hard to accept grace when no one ever taught you it was a good thing. It's scary to say 'yes' to love when anything remotely lovely caused you intense fear and pain.
Lord God...you get her. She, with the big sad eyes, is the darkest part of each of our souls. We, too, are afraid to yield, to accept, to surrender, to believe that there is hope and freedom and health and safety on the other side of the offering. I cannot beseach you to move her to open the door when you knock, unless I do the same. Let me, and let her, be willing to give up the hurting parts and just abandon ourselves one more time to the possibility that You, Lord, are Life. Please, God, protect her. Clean out the darkness that dwells in her fragile, broken body and soul....and replace it with your salt, your light, your power, your might. This child needs redemption, Lord. Redeem us both. Amen.
Her dreams came true but then she figured it out. It's hard to not fight to survive. It's hard to accept grace and love. A child who may have never known love is a mess. This little girl, who fought to live, now threatens suicide. This little child who likely dreamed of a full stomach on nights where her empty stomach growled....she is refusing to eat. It is hard to accept grace when no one ever taught you it was a good thing. It's scary to say 'yes' to love when anything remotely lovely caused you intense fear and pain.
Lord God...you get her. She, with the big sad eyes, is the darkest part of each of our souls. We, too, are afraid to yield, to accept, to surrender, to believe that there is hope and freedom and health and safety on the other side of the offering. I cannot beseach you to move her to open the door when you knock, unless I do the same. Let me, and let her, be willing to give up the hurting parts and just abandon ourselves one more time to the possibility that You, Lord, are Life. Please, God, protect her. Clean out the darkness that dwells in her fragile, broken body and soul....and replace it with your salt, your light, your power, your might. This child needs redemption, Lord. Redeem us both. Amen.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
pointe shoes
Today was the day we went to get the pointe shoes. Claire is finally ready to do pointe ballet, and required to have the shoes....so we went for our fitting. The town to do the fitting is an hour away, and the fitting itself could take an hour, so we went with just the two of us. Although I am not grateful for the stress or cost or expectation involved, I am grateful for pointe shoe day. On pointe shoe day....
1. Mother and daughter drove side by side alone in the car and noticed autumn and my daughter actually said, "I love fall. I love Iowa, especially in the fall."
2. We discussed the recent tragedy in our town. A 7th grader died this week and we got to process that alone together.
3. We talked about salvation....and the difference between being barely saved and a life where you DAILY walk out your salvation in a relationship with Jesus.
4. We considered satan and his place in history and his limited time torturing the world.
5. I gave her the secret weapon, the only place that satan can not ruin our efforts......worship.
6. We talked about all the different ways we, as Christians, can worship.
7. I said, "Claire, you may dance many dances to secular music, for the joy of dancing, for years and years. There will come a day when the Lord tells you to dance....and you will get up and you will worship and dance for the Lord. That is why I am taking you to buy expensive pointe shoes today. For the day that God tells you to dance for Him." I'm pretty sure I saw a smile.
1. Mother and daughter drove side by side alone in the car and noticed autumn and my daughter actually said, "I love fall. I love Iowa, especially in the fall."
2. We discussed the recent tragedy in our town. A 7th grader died this week and we got to process that alone together.
3. We talked about salvation....and the difference between being barely saved and a life where you DAILY walk out your salvation in a relationship with Jesus.
4. We considered satan and his place in history and his limited time torturing the world.
5. I gave her the secret weapon, the only place that satan can not ruin our efforts......worship.
6. We talked about all the different ways we, as Christians, can worship.
7. I said, "Claire, you may dance many dances to secular music, for the joy of dancing, for years and years. There will come a day when the Lord tells you to dance....and you will get up and you will worship and dance for the Lord. That is why I am taking you to buy expensive pointe shoes today. For the day that God tells you to dance for Him." I'm pretty sure I saw a smile.
Monday, October 3, 2011
Genesis 1:2
"Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters."
After finishing the book Radical, by David Platt, I decided to try to read through the bible in a year, which was one of the challenges he posted to readers. Well, folks, I'm likely not going to make that. My dear friend Deanne laughed at me Sunday because I'm still stuck on this image of Genesis 1:2. I started my "bible in a year" attempt 2 weeks prior. sigh. She's right. She knows me quite well after travelling to India together. Seriously. I can't get past it. Maybe if I write it out, I can move on. I'll let you know how that goes.
So, before the Creator began to create....the Creator was the Spirit of God. The essence of all God would be to us was still unknown, and in a pregnant pause that likely lasted for a zillion years to infinity, that Spirit was hovering over the waters. Darkness, stillness, power unchecked. I picture darkness over the surface of the deep....the deepest part of the ocean, surrounded by blackness of night with no stars, no rememberance, no scale to measure it all by....except God. He hovered over the face of the waters. He just existed there.....raw power and raw love and fully complete all by himself as the Spirit of God.
So I wonder, what changed. Did God lift his face from the deep, deep surface of the water and look up and decide he wanted something else to look at? Did He heave a powerful sigh and decide to stir things up a bit, to shift the heavens, to move across the water and make a few waves....did he enjoy that, and then go faster and blow harder and start creating just in the purest pleasure of art....just because he moved? Who knows? Maybe someday I'll ask him, "Lord, what exactly moved you to start creating. What was it like for you when you moved over the face of the waters, a Spirit over the darkness and deep of deep..."
He is perfect, he is sovereign, he is consistent. He is still moving over the face of the deep, dark void of people's souls. He is still hovering over his would-be creation, waiting for his moment to move, to look up from his own gaze, to sigh, to stir the waters and get things moving. It's just such a powerful and mysterious thing to try to picture in my mind, the Spirit of God hovering over the face of the waters.....nope. Not past it just yet.
Magesty, mystery, my God. I pledge allegience to this God of power and authority and purpose and love. This is my God.
After finishing the book Radical, by David Platt, I decided to try to read through the bible in a year, which was one of the challenges he posted to readers. Well, folks, I'm likely not going to make that. My dear friend Deanne laughed at me Sunday because I'm still stuck on this image of Genesis 1:2. I started my "bible in a year" attempt 2 weeks prior. sigh. She's right. She knows me quite well after travelling to India together. Seriously. I can't get past it. Maybe if I write it out, I can move on. I'll let you know how that goes.
So, before the Creator began to create....the Creator was the Spirit of God. The essence of all God would be to us was still unknown, and in a pregnant pause that likely lasted for a zillion years to infinity, that Spirit was hovering over the waters. Darkness, stillness, power unchecked. I picture darkness over the surface of the deep....the deepest part of the ocean, surrounded by blackness of night with no stars, no rememberance, no scale to measure it all by....except God. He hovered over the face of the waters. He just existed there.....raw power and raw love and fully complete all by himself as the Spirit of God.
So I wonder, what changed. Did God lift his face from the deep, deep surface of the water and look up and decide he wanted something else to look at? Did He heave a powerful sigh and decide to stir things up a bit, to shift the heavens, to move across the water and make a few waves....did he enjoy that, and then go faster and blow harder and start creating just in the purest pleasure of art....just because he moved? Who knows? Maybe someday I'll ask him, "Lord, what exactly moved you to start creating. What was it like for you when you moved over the face of the waters, a Spirit over the darkness and deep of deep..."
He is perfect, he is sovereign, he is consistent. He is still moving over the face of the deep, dark void of people's souls. He is still hovering over his would-be creation, waiting for his moment to move, to look up from his own gaze, to sigh, to stir the waters and get things moving. It's just such a powerful and mysterious thing to try to picture in my mind, the Spirit of God hovering over the face of the waters.....nope. Not past it just yet.
Magesty, mystery, my God. I pledge allegience to this God of power and authority and purpose and love. This is my God.
It's monday morning. I'm thinking of and praying for 3 special families who are believing God for "the call" yet again this week. In the gruelling process of adoption, when friday afternoon hits and there is no news, we sigh, we cry, we pray, we distract ourselves, and we wait....for monday. Guess what, sisters....its Monday. May this be the week for all 3 of you, that changes your lives forever and gives you cause to smile, to jump and dance, to plan and pack and get busy, busy, busy. When we got our call for Precious.....it was on a monday. After yet another long and frustrated weekend.....and that monday changed everything. Tears, smiles, racing heartbeat.....fear, excitement, celebration....lots of phone calls, lots of joy. Your days will come, sisters. Enjoy Monday. For us, the call could not have come a moment sooner (well, it could have but our worker doesn't work on sunday nights! :)) and the timing was such because Precious Maryn had only just been born. God's timing is everything. In adoption, in marriage, in healing, in providing opportunities to say "yes" to him however that may look. God's ways are higher than our ways, that's for sure. Monday yields hope and sunshine and a full week of.......who knows what. Who? God, that's who. We worship and adore the One who hold us and our future in His mighty, loving, everlasting, perfect-planning hands.
By the way, Lord....thank you for Precious Maryn.
By the way, Lord....thank you for Precious Maryn.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
prayer and psalms
Dear Lord, this morning my heart is heavy for a few. You know who they are, Lord, and you know their needs. My heart aches for those who have known what it feels like to be close to you, to walk and talk with you, but who are now not doing so. I have no advice, Lord, only the gift of intercession, to lift them up. I place their fragile hearts in my hands this morning, Lord, and I raise them up to you. My arms are extended high above my ears, my voice, my mind. I cannot bear the pain of knowing the wedge and the distance between them and your will, your heart, your peace that passes understanding, your hope.....so I lift them up to you. Also, cupped within my hands lifted up, are the hundreds of thousands of millions of hurting, hungry, lost and suffering children in the world. Lord, again, you know better than I do how to give them comfort, hope and restoration. Please, take these burdens, these prayer offerings from my hands this morning. I love you, Holy, Mighty God and I trust you with these people today and always. Amen.
Psalm 142: "I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out my complaint before him; before him I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way. In the path where I walk men have hidden a snare for me. Look to my right and see; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life. I cry to you, O Lord; I say, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living." Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need, rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me. Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name. Then the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me."
Psalm 142: "I cry aloud to the Lord; I lift up my voice to the Lord for mercy. I pour out my complaint before him; before him I tell my trouble. When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way. In the path where I walk men have hidden a snare for me. Look to my right and see; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life. I cry to you, O Lord; I say, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living." Listen to my cry, for I am in desperate need, rescue me from those who pursue me, for they are too strong for me. Set me free from my prison, that I may praise your name. Then the righteous will gather about me because of your goodness to me."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)