The nurses and the ayahs.

The first time I went to India, my goal was to touch, pray over and love each of the then 89 children at SCH.  I came really close, in the 2 days I had to achieve my goal.  This time, I didn't exactly have that goal.  I wanted to see the kids but since I had 2 whole weeks, I didn't feel the urgency to meet them and hold each one.  I was able to spend lots of time with the 24 kids who stay in 2 apartments....and of the 109, that left about 85 more who live in one compound, called Victory Home....and we were there 2 different times, and I made the rounds.  But.  Here was a suprise that the Lord had planned for me.  I was asked by each of these women, to pray for them as they watched me go from bed to bed, praying for the kids in this room.  They each asked.  All 4, plus many more.  These are the ayahs, or caregivers, plus the nurse in the yellow scarf....who is pregnant....and remembered me from last year.  My gift from God was the chance to pray for them.  They didn't speak English.  They didn't know me.  They had no idea what I would say to them.  The nurse knows a bit of English and she could be more specific.  She also asked me to pray for her brother who was there that day and suffered from seizures.  As I stood before these women, and many more like them, I put my hand upon each of their precious heads.  I took a deep breath.  I listened for the Lord to tell me how to pray.  Mostly, it sounded like this:  "Dear God, bless this sister in Christ before me.  Help her as she does her work each day, to bear Holy spirit fruit.  Help her to care for these beautiful children with compassion, kindness, devotion and grace.  Let this sister feel a strong pull toward you, Lord, as she works here.  Let her be loyal to Sarah and to sCh and to want the best for the children who live here.  Give her provision, Lord, and blessing, and favor.  Heal any part of her body or mind that is suffering.  Show her how much you love her, God.  Amen."  And I did it over, and over, and over.  I really hope.  I sincerely hope that these ladies began to work in a new way....to hum praise songs under their breath....to realize after-the-fact, that they had been praying for the child they were feeding, dressing, changing.  I hope that each woman began to have dreams and visions and hear the voice of God speaking love to them....in Telegu....since most cannot read.  What did I do in India this time?  I prayed for the nurses and the ayahs.  The childeren are the ones I came for, but the nurses and the ayahs are the hands and feet of Jesus here.  They are the ones touching my SCH kids, loving them, showing love to them.  I have a huge respect and awe of these women.  What they endure and know and understand about life and love and sacrifice, simply because they are women.  In India.  Is beyond anything I can ever write about, much less understand.  As I remember this day in History, this day in my life....April 11, 2012 (or so), I say thank you to God for the chance to touch these women, to know them, just for a brief moment in time.  And to pray for them, with them....for us.  If you can, please take a moment to thank the Lord for the nurses and the ayahs who are there every hour of every day, caring for God's precious children in India.  Blessings. 

good weekend

For the two weeks after India, I'd been in survival mode.  Jet lag, catch-up at work and at home....and trying to reconnect with everyone and everything....but this weekend was a good weekend.  I enjoyed my people.  Alot.  Friday night we cleaned the house and ate leftovers and I rewarded the kids with a trip to the video store.  Saturday, my birthday, we did dance photos all morning and soccer all afternoon, with a nice break to watch a funny movie together....buried under blankets because it was FREEZING!.  We enjoyed a fabulous steak dinner with really good wine and birthday cake in the evening and I just enjoyed myself and my family alot. 

Today we had 2 really fulfilling church services....comfort food....and a lazy nap.  Seriously.  It's just been a really great weekend.  I feel caught up.  I feel settled in.  I feel like I know my house and my schedule and my people again.  I love India and SCH.  I love the kids so much that part of me is always wondering when I can go back, who may get adopted before I do make the next trip....which long-term volunteers/staff will be there when I go....and what's going on there day to day.  I love being a part of this amazing ministry that God has pierced my heart with....and I am so grateful to sow into it.  But I really, really love home, and family, and my life.  I love my husband for letting me go to India, for holding down the fort, and for easing me back into home when I got back.  I love him for providing me with a wonderful birthday weekend and never compaining, never lashing out, never being disgusted or upset.  God was very kind to save Roger for me. 

After a really good weekend, and celebrating another year of life....I will jump into the work week with both feet.  I hope to see some new birds at my new bird feeder in the back yard and I plan to enjoy my fragrant candle, run in my new sneakers and use my home-made laundry soap and body scrub.  I'll wait to spend my birthday cash, for when something amazing comes up.  I will welcome the start of a new month on Tuesday, and warmer, sunnier days.  I will.  I can.  I do. 

Happy Birthday to me

Tonight I challenged my kids:  if you can help me clean the whole house, I'll take you to the video store to rent movies.  Even the extra Kredit tonight was on board for that.  We got it done by 7:30pm and off we went in the wind and rain, to rent video movies.  Precious Maryn came along and I let her get one as well because the girls (Claire and her friend) confessed that P cleaned the toilets.  In both bathrooms.  Yep.  She deserves a mega movie of Go Diego Go tonight.  There wasn't anything worth watching for Roger and I, which is fine.  The kids are happy, the house is clean, and we are settled in with our laptops. 

Tomorrow is my birthday.  I am one of the few people on earth who announces it.  I don't care.  Call me vain and self-absorbed.  I want the whole world to know when it's my birthday.  I love my birthday.  I don't care what year I'm on.  It's the only day....the Only Day....that's all about me (and the list of people I share April 28 with, who I always try to call and wish a happy birthday to as well....Becca, Aftan, Kadin James....)  Every other wonderful holiday is one I share....but not this one.  April 28 is mine.  I'm celebrating the day I was born.  With a grateful heart and a happy smile, I will be thankful to my parents who gave me life, to my husband who asked me to spend my life with him, to my children who made my life worthwhile.  I will eat as much chocolate as I want, avoid complaining and just enjoy every breath I get to breathe tomorrow.  I will look to Jesus, the Author and perfector of my Faith (and ask for an increase in it), and thank Him for the joy set before Him, that He endured the cross to sit at the right hand of the throne of God.  I will gaze upon the beauty of my Lord and Savior and marvel at the truth that He died for me, that I may live forever in Heaven with Him.  Yes.  Tomorrow is my birthday.  My life matters.  To me and to Him.  I plan to celebrate the sanctity and Holiness of my own life tomorrow.  If you see me, please give me a hug or a smile and wish me a Happy Birthday.  When it's your day, let me know so I can do the same.

adoption barn post that I copied from Katelyn's fund site.....doubling up today

the adoption barn

Posted by niki on April 27, 2012

I have an adoption barn. If you live near me, you know it. If not, here is a description. It is a large red barn, faded by the sun and time. The paint is chipping and peeling. the roof is sagging. It is positioned on a century farm in the middle of town, along the bike path. Many people go there to have pictures taken against the barn as a backdrop. Birds fly in and out of the windows way up at the top….and it is just a familiar structure here. Four years ago, we began our adoption process for Precious Maryn. I was walking the then-new bike trail often and as I walked, I prayed. The barn became my landmark. If I'd been walking awhile, singing, thinking, planning, praying…..when I saw the barn something in me said "check" and I began to specifically pray for our adoption. I included all the other families I knew who were in the process, who had called on me to intercede in prayer for their adoptions as well.
We got out baby girl in August of '09, and I continued to walk the bike path when the weather allowed. I found that there was always someone on my prayer radar who was somewhere on the adoption spectrum. I say spectrum because I am often praying for those who are 1. trying to decide if adoption is for them….2. just starting or moving through the paperwork….3. waiting…..and 4. have their child: and we NEED to be praying prayers of praise and thanksgiving for #4 people.
Yesterday I walked past the adoption barn again. Predicatably, when I saw the barn, my prayer focus shifted to all things adoption…..and I was actually jogging, not walking…..so the praying went quicker. Not by much. But quicker….and I just took a second to marvel at how much respect and adoration I have for this adoption barn. I love this place. I wanted to stop and take some pictures and didn't because life just takes hold again, once I'm past the barn…..but I hope to do that sometime soon. This barn represents so much to me. It means obedience, responding to a call from the Lord. It means humility….and our complete lack of ability to make these adoptions happen on our own…..It means hope and promise and happy endings over and over again when I know that a family was aching for a child, and knowing that child is in the loving family God intended. The barn also means a cautious fear….impending wonder. What is God up to next? Are there more kids on the horizon who I will be called to pray for as I move past the barn?
I watched birds fly into the barn and saw that God is calling children into the barn, into the nests that exist inside the windows. He is drawing them in to this place of safety, nurture, love. The barn is big and old and tired. (smile.) But its still being used. It still stands. Sometimes my prayers for adoption feel futile, tired, hopeless and I just get plain-sick of how hard adoption is……but that just dissolves into vapor when I walk past the barn. Prayer has power. Prayer has purpose. I'm grateful to this big old red barn that keeps me praying.

Posted under Katelyn's Fund Events
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• April 2012

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adoption files

One of our reasons for going to India was to work on adoption files.  These are the charts we read, checked and sorted so that the SCH staff could just write up the final cover sheets, etc. and do all of the technical computer stuff without worrying about the busy work.  They just look like binders on a shelf, and stacked against the floor don't they.  They are much, much more.  Each of these folders represents a child I have met, held, prayed for, loved, tickled, photographed and loved.  Each of these files represents a child, created by God and then abandoned by the family who brought them to life.  Each child represented here was rescued by Sarah-HERSELF-and taken physically from the state home.  She brought each child to a home of love, support, smiles, singing.  She brought each child to a nurse, an ayah, a potential sponsor (go ahead, sponser someone please).  She brought each child to school if they were able, to the dentist if they needed it, to the doctor when they were sick.  She put each child represented in these files through the World Health Organization protocol for starving and malnourished children, without a funding source except the promise of God that He would provide for His children and feed his sheep.    These charts represent children who have been through all of this....and are now moving to the place of prayer and hope for a permanent home through adoption.  One child, who was spoken for, prayed for, and promised.....has met with obstacles in the legal process.  Her family has been denied.  Twice.  Please, please pray with me that God will step in and open up the heavens and defy these odds....and escort this child home.  The time is now to boldly come to Him in prayer and say...."Help Jesus."  The decision can easily be changed in a word, a conversation, a look, a stirring of the Holy Spirit.  Please help me pray that this decision moves in favor of placing this child with her family.    I will fight this hard, ask this earnestly and pray this deeply for each and every child who gets to move through this process, from Sarah's apartment to a forever home.  I will return to India whenever God allows me to, and help make this happen.  This all matters in a really big way.  Why?  Because my children are at a Christian kids' club, taking hot showers/baths after a fun evening playing outside and snuggling beside me with a fresh set of pjs, a sippy of cool healthy almond milk, and an iPod playing cartoons.  That's why. 

 

Tomorrow.....take time to dance in your kitchen.  If you happen to have the tutu and tights and bangles....go for it.  If not, put on some worship music, open the windows and just go for it. 

an ode to Claire

Tonight Roger and I sat in the orchestra class room and watched our oldest child play beautiful, complex songs that neither of us would have a clue how to play.  She played her solo with poise, grace and skill.  She did her 2 small group pieces next, one with 3 others and the other song with 7 other musicians.  Who is this child?  Is this the one that was clingy and fearful and stuck to me like glue for the first 2 years of her life?  Is this the one who quit dance in March, at age 4....so that she didn't have to go on the stage and dance in front of people?  This child tonight was impressive.  Confident.  Lovely.  Before the violin demonstration, she played her heart out in co-ed soccer for an hour in heavy, buggy heat.  Just now, at the end of this very long day of work, coughing toddler, multiple hours of soccer and then the school thing, she took charge of the boys at bedtime.  Lord, bless this child.   She is reading to Jeremiah at night in bed, to help in go to sleep.  I didn't ask her to, she just decided it would help him reach his reading goals, and bless him. 

Now don't get me wrong.  Claire is not a saint.  She is sassy, moody and a tweener.  She avoids her chores all the time, keeps her room a horrible mess and doesn't say "thank you" very often.  Or "please".  She's not perfect....but for me, tonight.....she's pretty close.

Live like you anticipate big things to happen to you any minute now.  Live like one who stands on the wall and watches, waits, learns, plans.  Live expectantly.  She is.  (and for her sake, I sincerely hope she's had this baby by now.)  

 

American confessions

Today, while I was exercising at the local rec center, I received a fresh conviction from God while I was chatting with another mom.  Here it is.  We were talking about India and America, and how the countries are different in many things, and the same in many things.  I told her that I had much to learn from India.  I became aware of much more of the problems and idols and burdens and chains of living the American dream, while I was in India.  Again.  Each time I have gone, I feel like God has revealed fresh truth to me this way. 

Our garage door is broken.  It was rattly for a long time, but we were just so blissfully happy to have an attached garage with an automatic opener, that we refused to deal with it.  Now we must.  We can open it, but it won't close...unless you stand beneath it and push the remote and then push the door in at the same time. ( A few years ago, I got my finger stuck in a garage door as it was opening and I just can't quite bring myself to push that metal thing in as it lifts up.....maybe I need some psychotherapy first. )  Because I tend to avoid conflict by nature, my solution is to just leave the door open or not open it at all.  Here's the problem.  Our house is situated at a busy intersection and many cars drive by.  The shamefully proud, dutch, fear-of-man small person who lives inside of me does not want to leave my garage door open so that I can be judged and scrutinized on how our family keeps our garage.  Is that not the dumbest thing you've ever read?  I agree.  But it's true.  So.  I've been leaving the car on the driveway....in freezing rain.  I have to open extra doors to get into the house because I'm too proud to leave the daggum garage door open...and to scared to stand inside and man-handle it closed.  Sigh. 

In India.  In India....the majority of people do not have a garage.....or a car....or enough stuff to feel like they are untidy or unorganized or not impressive enough to be show-cased to neighborhood traffic.  We Americans are just plain dumb.  We really are.  If I didn't need to travel around the county for work, I'd just punish myself by leaving the dumb car inside the garage I am not even sufficiently grateful for...and walk.   

Hannah and Victoria showing off their birthday bow-bling.  So sweet! 

Blogging bows.....

 

Sweet Stacey chose blue hair bows. 

Sudhaker isn't just a great manager at SCH, but he really loves these kids.  He was a good sport when my mom tucked a bow in his hair at the party. 

 

birthday treasures at a great birthday party. 

 

 Nora, the birthday girl.

Thanks to my friend Lynn and all her sweet girlfriends in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, who sent these hair bows for the girls.  We shared them at the April birthday party....and the girls loved them!  They wore them lots more days after that.  Please know what a blessing it is to create something beautiful for someone beautiful. 

lilacs

Life is definitely not all lilac bushes and spring rain, birds laying eggs and peaceful sunrises.....but its some of it.  It is definitely part of it.  Yes, life is hard.  Sin is wreaking havoc in the world....people are suffering.....but.  Lilacs are in bloom.  Birds are going nuts singing, plucking worms from the green grass, and building their nests to hold their young.  The sun rises quietly and with strength every single morning....and it sets with a magnificent sigh every single night. 

We are called to fight for social justice, to work at our spiritual formation, to obey the Golden Rule.  And we are called to live and to love life and to notice when the seasons change and when our children grow and when there are moments of goodness in the day. 

I'm still fighting jet lag pretty hard but I think I'm starting to win.  I've almost convinced my body that it is in the correct time zone....there have been moments when my kids glare at me as if to say, "mom....just go back to India.  When you were gone, no one was making me change my socks, read my chapters, clean my room, pick up my toys"....and my husband is relaxing.  Finally.  Thank you for your prayers, your love, your meals, your wonderful presence in my life.  All of you.  I'm enjoying lilacs today....can you tell?

the church

A woman called me today.  She was asking for something that we often get asked for, in the public health office.  We talked for quite awhile and since I could not provide her with the thing she needed, instead I listened.  I affirmed her.  I gave her some suggestions of places to call to get the thing she needed....for her grandson.  She was also his foster mom and was in the process of adopting him after his birth parents rights were terminated.  In America, this makes this little guy an "american" orphan.  This foster mom/adoptive mom/bio grandma was doing her best for him, trying to provide a safe home and life for him, and was appropriately asking for help.  I suggested she call a local church to help her get the thing she needed.  She told me she did not have a church family, hadn't been to church in years.  I said, "well, that doesn't matter, really.  Church is church.  The church is supposed to be there for us, especially when there are no other options.  It doesn't matter whether you have been going often or ever....God set it up that a church would help someone in need..."....(especially an orphan).  I gave her the name of MY church and said, if she ran out of options, please call my church.  I'll make sure she gets help.

On my way home, I realized I had created a conundrum.  I had no way to make good on this assurance, sadly.  I called my church and tried to explain it to the secretary....who didn't have enough post-its to convey the message to whomever may answer the phone if said woman calls.....so she left a note that said, "if someone calls about a ______, refer her to Niki."  We have bills coming in like crazy, we don't have a slush fund slushy enough to cover this need....but God does.  My church will make good on this request, if it comes to pass, not because I will present an official request to the consistory, or the pastor, but because I.  am.  the.  church.  If she calls, I'll get her what she needs.  In the church's name.  I'm pretty sure God will cover it, somehow.  I'm not too worried about the lack of funds.  Maybe a bit...but not too much.

We have orphans right here at home.  They may not look like the orphans I've been hanging out with in India.  They may not even fit the definition of an orphan, but they stir the same sorrow and longing and stirring in my soul that I feel for the kids I love in India.   The kids whose parents are getting a divorce?  yes.  The boy who doesn't have a dad to help him play soccer and so he messes up and leaves in tears?  yes.  Kids who get themselves ready for school every morning and come home to an empty house every night because their parents work night and day to put food on the table?  maybe not technically, like the orphans worldwide...but in America....in northwest Iowa...yes.  These are our orphans.  They should matter to us.  Our hearts, my heart, should break for these children that the Lord lovse so, so much and wants restored to healthy, safe, loving families.  The Lord sets the lonely in families.  We are the families.  I am the mama and my heart is breaking for these kids tonight.

I miss the SCH kids in India who are orphans.....I long to hug and kiss and hold and love them again.....and I ask Jesus to hold them closely for me, even now.  Its all I can do from here, today.  I can do more for the other kids who live in my community.  I will.  Will you?  Will you be the church no matter where you are? 

 

 

 

Pray

Me:  Lord, I am so glad to be home.  Thank you for a safe trip to India.  What would you have me do next?
Lord:  Pray.
Me:  Lord, I'm aching for those kids, for them to join loving Christian homes.
Lord:  Pray.
Me:  Lord, the things you have called me to do take time and focus and creative energy....how am I gonna get it all done?
Lord:  Pray.
Me:  Lord, how do I tell the storys and move the mountains and rend the heavens and glorify your name in all of this?
Lord:  Pray.
Me:  Lord, I want to stand in your counsel, sit at your feet, gaze at your beauty and yet there is so much to do in this one day alone, much less all the days you have ordained for me that are yet to come.  I am overwhelmed by my longing to just be in your Presence.....and yet do the work you have called me to do so that one day in Heaven I can hear you say, "Well done, good and faithful servant.  I know you."  How can I have both?
Lord:  Pray.

Jeremiah

 Today is Jeremiah's birthday.  He's 8.  We aren't doing big school-mate parties this year so its just family time.  That's probably ok especially today because jet lag is kicking me over good.  Jeremiah woke up and opened gifts, then played his first soccer game of the season and tore up the field.  He's quite a little athlete.  After Claire gets home from a long dance day, we're going to Chuck E. Cheese for a bit of birthday overstimulation, then out for supper and home. This child doesn't have a mean bone in his body.  He is helpful, kind and silly.  He will always be the sweetest child the Lord ever made.  I love him so, so much and am so grateful that he is my boy.  Wishing him many more years of health and love and goodness!  Happy birthday, buddy.

Monday

We are at the end of Monday in India.  We have 2 days left to see kids and pack up for the long flight back across the big pond.  Nora has been in the hospital all but one day, her birthday party.  I really hope she can make it home before we go.  Please pray that she does, ok?  Emma will hopefully be out of the hospital tomorrow so we can meet her, and I can thank her for being such a fighter.  She gives sanctity of life a whole new dimension.  It will be really hard to say good-bye to everyone here.  I have a deep love and respect for so many people here, and it could be a really long time before I come again. 

I am so glad I have a wonderful family and friends and community to come home to.  It would be so much worse if I had to leave all of this love and expression of Jesus, and go home to an empty, lonely life.  I cannot wait to hug my kids and my patient, wonderful husband.  I owe this guy big time. 

Today we stuck around the apartment in the morning, talking to Sarah.  I'm starting to savor any conversations we have, knowing that very soon our communication will go back to facebook chatting.....the 3D friendship is so much sweeter.  In the afternoon we went to see the littles again....the afternoons are really hot right now.  In India, it is summer.  The beautiful, sweet, talented cook at the little kids home made us tea (do you think she realizes that we come hoping she will make it every day?  I wonder if she can read the longing look in our eyes as we stare at her kitchen.....hoping she will go in....and come out with those piping hot porcelain cups on a saucer with the most delicious tea EVER).  Mom asked her to show us how she makes it and she produced some little green pods that she puts in the tea.....so yeah.  We won't be making this tea at home.  For India Only. 

We returned to the apartment to cool off, clean up and rest and then went to the school girls again to give them each a nylon bag for their bibles, and to just be with them.  Mom finished up her piano time with the littlest girls and I supervised the coloring.  These girls love to color and are very good at sharing color pages, crayons and attention.  I also shared some letters with the girls that had been written by kids in the USA....and took some more pictures.  Little Zinnia stood at my side until I saw her, then she put her sweet little hand up to my cheek and just held it there.  I closed my eyes and tried to memorize the feel of her soft little hand on my face because I don't want to forget it.  It felt like heaven.  I picked her up and she snuggled in to my lap like she belonged there.  I gulped down tears and rocked her and turned off the mama switch that keeps threatening to surface.  When it was time to leave, she clung to me and wouldn't let go and screamed as I left.  So hard.  So, so, hard.  I said, "Hannah, can you please go comfort Zinnia so that she isn't sad that we are going?"  By the time we got down to the street, Hannah was calling, "Sista Niki!  Look!  Zinnia no crying now, sista."  and sure enough, she smiled and waved down to us.  Thank you Hannah.  Thank you Jesus, for these sweet, sweet kids.

We took an auto-rickshaw down to the shopping area  for some souveniers but sadly, the fun purse/bags we got last year are not around.  They were a crafty thing we found in a different city last year, and not something any one here had even heard of.  Sad, but true.  My tourist trinkets are not gonna happen this year I'm afraid.  :(  India is full of the unexpected and unpredictable.  The response in India is...."no problem".....and that's a fact.

Easter Sunday

This morning we put on our saris....well, Sarah put them on us.  It is incredible, how complicated a sari is.  It isn't just a long strip of fabric wrapped around a woman.  Believe me.  Well, it is....but there is a method to it.  I have a brand new respect for Indian women.  Want to know a secret?  In a sari, a woman can feel beautiful.....really beautiful.  And ageless......

We went to church with a wonderful woman named Naomi who helps with SCH but is also a dear friend, and she is hostess to guests, so she helped us buy our saris yesterday and then took us to church....and later in the day she spoiled us rotten with french toast and popcorn.  Forget the souveniers, I want to take Naomi home with me.

After church we went to the school girls home and gave them their bibles and then helped with an Easter egg hunt.  We took the girls upstairs to the top story balcony one at a time, sat them down and showed them their very own bible, all the way from America, written in English and we told them that people in America had chosen the bible for them and were praying for them.  Several girls said, "my very own?"....more than once.  I swallowed tears as I nodded my head and said, "you bet, sweet girl.  This is your very own American bible and you can keep it forever and ever and learn to read it in English."  One girl, Hannah, stood up and flipped her bible open and began to preach.  REALLY preach.  In telegu.  The girls all sat at her feet with bibles opened, listening, agreeing.  It was amazing.  I've wondered what Hannah's future would hold.  In less than 6 months she will be too old for the adoption option and I was sad for her because before the adoption process shut down in this state 10 years ago, her file was in (then only 3 years old) and she would likely have been adopted.  Due to corruption in the process from the international side and locally, they had to cease all adoptions and revamp the system to make sure it was done legally and ethically.  For Hannah, it may be too late.  If you have a longing to adopt an older child who is bright, helpful, sweet and dear....and very likely will go into seminary somewhere.....please speak up.  soon. 

We intended to go visit the littles again but stopped home to clean up first and then it got dark and we didn't want to walk the few blocks in darkness....and we were tired and lazy and happy to visit with Sarah and her kids.....so we are done.

Thursday

Yesterday we started our day in prayer....and petition....with thanksgiving and tears for 2 kids here.  One for Nora, for her health issues, and another for other reasons.  We claimed scripture over them, and we dedicated both of their situations to the Lord and agreed ahead of time with His sovereign plans.  What a wonderful way to start a day.  The rest of the day unfolded blessing after blessing, promises, sweet joys and lots of productive work done.  I'm so, so sorry I can't get pictures on the blog.  I'm putting them on facebook more often so please "friend" me and check there.  I'll do good blog posts with photos when I get home.  The power goes out a couple of times every day intentionally here to save energy and then the electronics are slow to respond when it does come back on....and by then we are off to the next task or outing. 

This morning we went back to the baby apartment and Angel was having a dressing change done on a wound.  Angel is one of the newest little babes, and she's probably around a year old.  She had a sore spot the first day already that has gotten worse each day and the nurses have been treating it.  Her nurse was on the floor with her and Angel was crying and wiggling away....so I sat down in front of the nurse and held Angel's head steady so that the nurse could work.  This poor child just cried and cried and wiggled and worked up a sweat as the nurse cleaned the wound and dressed it.  By the time she was done, Angel was spent.  She reached for me and I scooped her up, bloody-drippy-oozy gauze and all, and I began to "sh" her and rock her and sing to her and pressed her in close to my body and she just pressed in even closer to me.  She cried some more, then wimpered, then just looked up at me with sweet, sad, very painful eyes and gave me the slightest smile.....and I said "you're welcome, baby girl."  I love this child.  So much.  She rested calmly in my arms and for once, didn't go to sleep, but just enjoyed a mother's heartbeat and comfort....for a brief moment in her sad little life. 

There seems to be absolutely nothing "wrong" with Angel.....except she has been abandoned.  She has delays because she has not had the stimulation or nutrition or care.  My thoughts drifted to why she had been left.  Was it because she was a girl?  Was her life in danger somehow, by poverty, or shame, or scandal?  Angel didn't need to suffer through that painful wound change.  This wound was there because of abandonment, and orphan status, and lack of nutrition and daily care before she ever came to SCH.  Here, at least, she gets all of her needs met, including being loved by her ayah and her nurse and Sarah.....and me.....and maybe you.  I tidal wave of grief swept over me as I tried to pray for her.  My heart just broke for her....and for the mother who left her.  I asked God to forgive her mom, and to plan for a wonderful life for Angel.  I told Angel that someday she would have a new mommy and daddy....and that maybe they would live in my town, and I  could come visit, because Niki-akka wants to visit often, and come read stories, and take Angel swimming....and she just smiled, and snuggled in a bit closer.

Wednesday

Yesterday was a big day for us.  At the end of it I wrote a really long post and then lost it somehow....and was too discouraged to re-write it.  I went to bed, slept 7 good hours, and am up again to try.  It's 5am here, and dark, and cool and quiet....and we have power.  Here goes! 

When we arrived on saturday, we saw about half the SCH children who live at a home called Victory.  It's the biggest compound where the most children live.  They are the least able to move around independently, or need the most support for the activities of daily living.  The staff had a task to accomplish in the office so Nana Barb, God bless her, just marched into the center courtyard and started greeting children, hugging them, dancing with someone if they asked her to.  She didn't wait or hesitate, she just automatically began to pour her grandma-love all over those kids who only get such lovego in bits and pieces....ever.  It didn't take me long to scoop up a child, start taking pictures (which all the kids love, and want us to do over and over again).  Sunday we went to church, then in the afternoon we went to the school girls apartment which is just 3-4 doors down from Sarah's home.  We had a birthday party for the 2 girls who have April birthdays.  It was so much fun....the girls loved playing with the hairbows that my friend Lynn sent me.  In my mind, each child would have 1 or 2 bows, that matched her outfit.....nope.  This was a party.  Pictures to come.

On Monday we started executing a loose schedule of baby apartment(fragile kids) in the morning, then lunch, then work on adoption files, then go to the girls apartment for awhile after they get home from school around 5pm......but then we didn't see the girls because there was a meeting about the exciting, amazing new SCH website that will be up and live very soon.  I think it will really help articulate SCH better than I ever do in my feeble attempts conversationally.  Stay tuned.....when they say it's live, I'll make sure to announce it so you can click around and learn, smile, get tearful, say "wow", and generally plan a trip to India to see for yourself. 

Tuesday we went to the hospital to visit Nora who has been there every day since we came, except Sunday when we celebrated her birthday at her home....then she started seizing again at night and had to be readmitted on Monday.  Poor sweet baby...please pray for her, that God would resolve this and heal this child.  Then we spent a good chunk of time with the fragile kids.  Sarah will name all of these homes soon enought.  There was Victory, and Angel originally, but there are more apartment-style homes now with less children in each, that run more like foster homes.....so when she gets a good idea, the names will change.   We are definitely very comfortable in the fragile, baby apartment.  The ayahs are friendly to us and enjoy our attention on "their" kids.  They are each assigned to 3-4 children and are very attached to them.  When you see photos, of older Indian ladies with little ones, those are "their kids".   They serve us amazing, wonderful tea every few hours, they let us rock and sing to and pray over and hold and play with the children freely.  The little kids are so sweet and fun and willing to learn and to receive all the love and attention we can lavish on them.  My heart aches for these kids and I find myself constantly whispering prayers to their Heavenly Father for them, to place them in loving homes where this much attention is normal, not the exception.

After lunch we went with a group to go look at Angel Home, which is right on the beach.  They would like to reopen Angel Home if the right house parents are found.  Praying for that.  This place is amazingly beautiful, tranquil, quiet....and remote.  It is 45 minutes from the city of Ongole and a typical grass hut village stands right outside the gate.....and the Indian Ocean is just half a mile away......God knows how to send the perfect people for this mission.  God delights in His own timing, His own extravagance, His own definition of the when and the why.....but for today, this amazing place will stand empty and wait.  Like many of us, when we have asked and stand ready.

As you can imagine, by last night, we were exhausted.  Oh, I didn't mention we took Evan, a 2 year-old, with us to the beach.  SO!!!!!  As you can imagine, by last night, we were exhausted.  :)  We ate more yummy, Indian food, then I flat-out crashed and slept for 7 hours.  What does today promise?  I don't know Exactly, but here is the phrase I am sure I will say many, many times......feel free to say it with me.  It's from Romans 12 and may be my theme for this trip.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 

visits in India

Greetings from India! It is Sunday night here and I just talked to my family which makes me happy and sad at the same time!  They are being brave and good, in spite of a soccer pole attemt to decapitate Jeremiah...and his stitched up face, that looks like hamburger meat, will be etched into my dreams when I go to bed now....so its good to write a bit.

We did not have good internet in the airports so this is my first time to sit and reflect a bit.  Peace. I have had peace since the day we left home.  The flights were peaceful.  Customs was a breeze.  Even the 5 1/2 hour drive from the airport was peaceful.  We saw lots of typical agricultural India as we drove to Ongole.  Sarah and her family are very good hosts and make us feel very welcome and special and loved here.  Her cook is amazing and are eating very well. 

Yesterday we went to SCH for a few hours in the afternoon.  When I saw familiar children I grabbed them in a tight hug, and told them I had missed them.....I'm sure they thought I was crazy because they see so many guests that they would never remember my short visit 9 months ago....and they are all bigger, healthier, more full of life than they were even then.....Love does grow very healthy, happy children.  I sat with some of the children who cannot sit up alone nor communicate well.  I would touch a foot, or a hand....and receive a deep and rich smile....that said something like this......"thank you, Sister. Thank you for coming over to say hello.  I will receive your smiles, your prayers, your tickles, your songs.  Then, you will receive mine.  You see, the angels, and the Lord and I have been just laying here discussing important things, heavenly things, the deep mysteries of God.  God says, she'll come over so just wait and watch.....I'll scoot over to make room for her on the bed.  The angels will hush so that you can hear her songs instead of theirs for just a little while.  When she goes,we'll pick up where we left off....until another guest, or ayah, or staff person comes.   Then we will minister to that person through you again.  Thank you so much, sweet child, for being a willing vessel for me to use to touch those who are too busy, too fast, too noisy, too distracted to receive what I give to you all day and all night long....and the child will say, "no problem,papa".