Answer to My Prayers

Today.....

2012-02-01T19:06:00.000-06:00

Today I made good on a promise. Rewind to last fall. Our church kids' group did a service project and made cards for SCH kids. They filled tubes of mini M&Ms and brought in several hundred dollars as a fund-raiser for the orphanage. It was such a blessing to be a part of that and to give each of our church kid (over 100) a picture of a child from SCH to pray for, write to, etc. The kids group is K-5th grade. Claire is in 6th. She began to think through how to have some ownership herself in the SCH effort. She loves this ministry almost as much as I do and is aching to go to India herself someday and love on the kids there. I will take her. I just need to go myself a few times first so that I can keep her safe and be her mama there. Anyway! Claire hatched a plan to do a fund-raiser with her class at school. She presented it to her teacher. She offered to do the work. In November, the 24 kids in her 6th grade class all wrote a letter to a child from SCH around their age. The teacher opted to wait for the fund-raiser and follow-up writing assignment until now and so we worked it out via email this past month.

I bought the candy, Roger designed the labels to tape on with the contact info for SCH. Roger pulled the "Paint Day" video to a flash drive so that I could show it after my brief presentation. Claire nervously asked me to not wear my India outfit....and "please mom....don't cry." Later she decided it was ok to wear the outfit....but I promised not to cry. I have to confess that I was a nervous wreck to do this silly, 10-minute presentation. Claire was so worried that I would embarass her. She desperately wanted the fund-raiser, and the awareness....but was so worried about her dorky mom making her look-what? Who knows with a 12-year old.

I was there 2 minutes early. I walked to the front with my bag full of candy and my flash-drive video...and I looked at these 24 exceptional, beautiful, filled-with-potential for Jesus tweeners....and I opened my mouth....and I started to cry. Really big tears, catch in your throat, can't talk crying. I was wearing my India outfit and the scarf was hot and sweat was rolling down my back....and poor Claire couldn't even look at me. Not because she was embarassed. Because she understood. She would have cried too. I wept because these sweet little orphan kids all the way around the world matter so much to me. I wept because sometimes they don't have what the need because there is not enough money, and as I looked at this class full of beautiful children who DO have all they need and more....I just wanted it to matter to them. I wanted them to beg their parents to give extravagantly to SCH, to give sacrifically to SCH, to let it sink into their souls in a way that doesn't easily let go. I cried because I am unable to get that point across in 10 minutes with M&M tubes. I cried because these orphan kids matter so much to me, that if I get to share them....I am moved. I cried because I was trying so hard to not embarass my daugher and yet, in the moment, the emotion swallowed me up and I did it anyway.

After school, I made sure I was home when they got off the bus which never happens on Wednesdays. I made brownies. I sucked up a bit. I apologized. Claire said it was ok, that I didn't embarass her. She had to say that because she is a first-born daughter.

get outa the way....I'm on a roll.

2012-02-01T18:29:00.000-06:00

I just hit "post" but now I'm writing again. Nope. I don't save as draft, schedule a post or wait. I stay dry in the desert or soaking wet in the rain. Today, for me, it's raining blogs.

Fleece. Sigh. Fleece. Sigh. I have to say, I'm not a fan. I'm not good at setting it out, or reading the answer....or being obedient when I do. ( Gosh. Maybe I'm a manipulator! ) Gasp! Sigh. Fleece. For those who don't know.....according to the bible.....sometimes when we don't know what to do, or if we wonder if we have heard the Lord correctly, we can set out fleece. It's sort of a physical sign to confirm something we think we know, but are in doubt of. So, the idea is, you set out the fleece and say to God. " If this is your will, make the fleece wet....if it's not, leave it dry," etc. Look it up in the book of Judges, the story of Gideon. Note to self...it would be good to find some good sermons on fleece because, frankly, fleece is hard.

I've been trying to decide whether God is calling me back to India for another 2-week trip, or if it's just me and my mama heart, aching for the kids (especially the 22 or so I have not yet hugged, prayed over or sang songs to). When I left India the last time, I knew I would return. I just didn't know when or why. I immediately began to ask the Lord for direction there....and for a long time I heard "help and bless". Well, now I have the "when and the why" but I am waiting on God for a clear sign that this is His Will, and not mine. SCH will always need help. SCH will always welcome me back because they are my friends, my family, my inspiration. Planning a trip of such magnitude is stressful and expensive and sacrificial on every level. It costs in money, in time, in emotion, in spiritual battle, in purpose...and then there is the arguing and justifying to all of the "nay-sayers" in my life....so I really do need to know if it is an invitation, a request from the Lord or not. I just don't have enough energy if it's not.

I have an opportunity to return this spring, in late March-May to help care for the most fragile, medically needy kids while the long-term volunteers are out of the country for two months, per their visa requirements. My fleece? Well, that's easy. It's cost. We don't have money to send me to India for 2 weeks. The plane tickets are very expensive. So. I set out fleece for the Lord. Ok, God. If you want me to go this spring, you are just gonna have to drop the money in my lap. That will be my "yes". I will willingly, joyfully plan a trip and do the work of it if the money comes. If it doesn't, I will willingly, joyfully continue on in my present capacity. I will support, love, bless, help and pray for SCH and be most grateful to not interrupt my life or my family with such a stressful event.

So there it is. Pray if you feel led. Wait and wonder if you are just plain curious. I know I am. Fleece is hard. I'm not very good at it, but, honestly, it was the only thing that made sense.

Word from God Wednesday

2012-02-01T18:10:00.000-06:00

There are no fresh Words or ah-ha moments for this Wednesday so I think I'll revisit an old one. I accepted this one but didn't ponder it much so here goes. At one point, as I was praying and asking the Lord, "what's next? what's the plan? what are we working on?" etc. Somewhere in the deep place where I listen and hear the Lord, rather than argue and speak non-stop in prayer.....I heard this. "Help and bless". Can't you just hear it yourself? Isn't that just like Jesus? I can almost feel him sitting with me in comfy chairs at a coffee shop, and I want to discuss the big things, the life-changing moments, the next huge mountain or deep valley.....and he gently smiles, shrugs his shoulders and looks deep into my eyes and says, "just help. just bless."

Jesus is doing the big work. He is setting up the life-changing moments, commanding all the battles in the Spirit realm, working out plans for the mountains and the valleys....and really....really? He'd just like us to help once in awhile....and be a blessing when we can. For me, in this season, it could mean:
1. Help others who are lost, sad, searching, ready.
2. Bless those who usually hear negative things all day long, by sharing kindness and a warm smile and words of praise.
3. Help families pursuing adoption, to get what they need, and feel like they have support.
4. Bless those who have heard a call and are following it. Don't be jealous, just bless.
5. Help your husband, your children, your parents and grandparents.
6. Bless your friends, your pastor, your church, your work.
7. Help yourself. Take care of your body, mind and spirit.
8. Bless those who are feeling low. Be an encourager. Make someone smile.
9. Help Jesus do the work He will do until the day of completion.
10. Bless every chance you can, all the time, every day.

Kindness and adjustments

2012-01-30T06:55:00.000-06:00

"If the time should ever come when women are not Christians and houses are not homes, then we shall have lost the chief cornerstones on which civilization rests." -Andrew Dickson White

I'm well-aware that I am preaching to the choir by posting this hear, but I like it and think it is a good monday morning greeting. It would more appropriately hit a mark by posting it on facebook, so maybe I'll do that as well.

Just imagine, if women were not Christians and houses were not homes. I'm trying to picture it for this week alone! If I were not a Christian, I would likely wake up, stumble to my coffee pot, then jump on facebook to "catch up"....oops, wait a minute, that is what I did. And I am a Christian. Hmmm. Now what? What should a Christian woman do when she gets up? Pray? Read scripture? What if the toddler follows me out of bed and as I am standing over my brewing cup, she is crying at my legs, wanting milk and the warm arms of her mom? OK. A Christian mom just might delay the "devotion" hour and pour the milk, snuggle the toddler and pick up the first devotion book she can find laying beside the couch as toddler drifts back to sleep. Lord, bless this child in my arms. Keep her healthy and safe this week. Lord, I am thinking of families who have lost a child in the past week and are grieving.....oh God......do what only you can do there, now. God, I reluctantly yield the health and well-being of my family to you. I trust you, I just don't want to give it up.

Open the devotion book: a prayer journal from Proverbs is handy. prov 16:24 "Kind words are like honey-sweet to the soul and healthy for the body." Is that my monday morning Word, Lord? Speak kindly and sweetly? Stir up health for my body and pleasure for my soul with kindness? Reaching for a pen to journal on the opposite page....and no pen is within reach. Heavy, 35-pound sleeping toddler smack-dab on my lap. Digging under the couch cushion even....and no pen. Sigh. Well, there's always the computer plugged in beside me. My laptop doesn't require a pen so "hah!"

If the time should ever come where women are not Christians and houses are not homes....around here, that would mean a 2-year old would be sobbing and I would be frazzled and crabby, rather than sit her pounding out a framework for my day that involves being flexible, resilient, prayerful and generous. Grace must start with the moms. We need to give it and receive it unto ourselves. Lord, grant me an abundance of grace as I start this week. Help me to generously forgive others and be forgiven in Jesus Holy name. Make my house a home this week, Lord. Let this place feel cared for, attended to, and a place of refuge from the storm. As we enter this home time after time this week, God, let us feel relief and blessing and thankfulness every time we walk through the doorway to come in. Send your angels to gaurd us each time we leave. Keep my family close to your heart this week, Lord.

Well, its 6:50. My 45 minutes of peace and tranquility and preparation have passed for now. It's time to start the week as a Christian mom in my home and get things moving. I hope to maintain my small responsible part of keeping the chief cornerstone of my civilization and wish the same for all of you.

Ayah love

2012-01-27T13:08:00.000-06:00

Emma is out of the hospital. Her ayah is loving on her in this picture and it honestly moves me to tears. A few months ago, this child was found by a sweeper outside of a hospital. She was barely alive, had no name, no hope and may not have ever, ever, ever felt a kind human touch. Here, she is getting noticed, celebrated, fed and kissed all at once! Oh, dear Lord in Heaven.....this.....THIS.....is how you love us! Broken, bandaged, frail and helpless,, and yet you are behind and featured in every picture. It is you feeding us, kissing us, holding us as close as possible without hurting us by the intensity of your Presence. Jesus, thank you for Emma and all she represents to me. Please continue to heal and care for this strong, fiesty, significant child. amen.

Don't live safe

2012-01-26T17:18:00.000-06:00

Woven into a wonderful conversation I had today with 2 ladies I love and respect, came a truth. They may correct me on the "how" of how this came about, but as I reflect on it now, that is my truth. Don't live safe. Lucky for you and for me, "safe" means different things for different people. For some, it means sell everything, pack up the family and and move to India for 2 years.....anything less would be too "safe". For others, it may mean considering the truth that Jesus Christ died on the cross for each of us....even if we were the only person ever born. That may be enough to make this person feel unsafe.

I've wondered, lately, what it means to me, to live safe. I think it means comfortable, predictable, not challenging and not threatening to my well-being or my plan. I think, for me, it means being so happy and content with my life and my home and my family, that I experience a fear that something could go wrong or be taken from me, therefore I'd better hold on tight and block the "world". I think, for me, safe means believing I have done enough and can coast on that, rather than to ask the Lord, "What, where, why, how, when?" and then expect an answer. The American dream would say, find safe and then get there fast. America is only a small part of God's world. In the big picture, I believe it is also an unimportant part, other than the part you and I can plan in helping the Lord bring Heaven to Earth and lost souls to Jesus.

Safe would be raising my family to be healthy, comfortable, intelligent and saved. For me. Believing that my kids would grow up to have their own families and careers and one day take care of us when we were old sounds very safe and lovely. Except. God's not so worried about safe....so maybe we shouldn't be either.

Claire told me this morning that after reading chapter 7 of the book Kisses from Katie....she feels changed. "That chapter changed my life, mom." I just looked back to chapter 7. I'm nodding, smiling, and a bit worried. Nothing about chapter 7 is safe. I guess my 12-year old also understand's God to be saying, "Don't live safe."

It's thursday, but maybe, just maybe, this is my Word from God that could have come yesterday for Wednesday, so that I would have felt inspired to share it, in keeping with my theme. But no. Yesterday I was feeling frazzled and scattered and a bit sad. He saved it for Thursday. Isn't that nice? Ok, Lord. I'll try not to.

Love Never Fails - Brandon Heath

2012-01-26T14:03:00.000-06:00

Pause the ipod music to play the video. I was freshly aware today, when I listened to this, that Love and God are interchangeable words. They do mean the same thing. He authored Love. It was His idea. It is the defining truth of whether something is of the Lord or of evil. Of heaven or of earth.....if it speaks to Love, and it resonates with scripture like 1 Corinthians 13.....and this song......the Love is God. May the Lord God love you and take up residence in you as you listen.

Life is messy

2012-01-24T20:56:00.001-06:00

Look at this wonderful picture from last year, of the SCH crew. See how the picture is mixed in with the other parts of the blog? Isn't is messy? Isn't it non-linear, unorganized, chaotic? Yep. That's life. Life is messy. Loving a ministry like SCH is so messy. India is very far away. It is expensive to travel there. The needs are overwhelming.....and without God, quite unattainable. My soul connected with SCH and it is so messy. None of it feels peaceful and cohesive. It's just messy. I'm stuck with the mess. I'm praying that God will help me make sense of it and clean up what should be clean and just embrace what will never be anything other than messy.

This past Sunday night, I was allowed to help with Sanctity of Human Life Sunday service for our evening worship. We planned a worship team of kids with a few parents, we planned a few short talks with prayer, a moving video showing an autistic blind boy singing "Open the Eyes of My Heart, Lord" (many of you saw it....so great). I was loosely "in charge" and I am not an organized, neat, administrative person.....that stresses me out like crazy. I chose to approach the service like I do most things: let the Spirit move, worship, dedicate it to the Lord and hope for the best. Folks, it was messy. The moms were nervous....the kids a bit uneasy....the format did not flow well or feel professional. But lets face it. It's Sanctity of Life time....and life is messy. It's ok. It can be jerky and not flow well. It can be a bit akward. It can be spontaneous and raw and beg for mercy.....just like real life. Let's just be there, in real life, shall we? Let's just be a bit messy and chaotic and see it for what it is.

I felt God smile on us as we stumbled through our service. I felt His humor, His awe, His pride and joy....I felt His annointing and His impartation of seeds of new spiritual gifts on children in our congregation as they stepped out for the first time to read, pray, sing, worship, perform, listen, bless. I felt him double over in laughter at us dumb adults who were trying desperately to make it look nice, rather than to yield to the truth that Life. Is. Messy. Especially the Sanctity of it. Human life? Get out of town....Human life is so messy.

Enjoy the SCH picture. Enjoy the sacredness of life through children, through uncharted territory, through orphan care, through Holy Spirit adventures. Let go of the need to clean every single thing up all the time. Life really is messy....and I intend to live it.

2012-01-24T20:42:00.002-06:00

school girls

2012-01-23T22:00:00.000-06:00

Here are 3 of the SCH girls just being silly little school girls. Jeanette, on the far left, is blind. We played with her our last days there in June. Rachel, far right, is the child who caught my attention early on in blogworld. She is wonderful, smart and adorable. They all are. The one in the middle....I don't dare say her name because I cannot remember if it is her blog name or her real name....she is a born leader. The school girls follow her around. This is such a typical picture of typical kids. Thats why I love it. It could have been taken on the steps of my kids' school, or at the library in town, or just about anywhere. It makes India seem not so far away.....until you look for plane tickets....

Education for girls in India is priceless and costly. We have opportunities to help defer that cost through donations. Education is the only way for Indian girls, especially orphan girls, to have a future that is by their own design, rather than decided for them, or worse.....praying that all girls in India, especially the children of SCH, have access to quality education in the days and years to come!

the dry spell

2012-01-23T10:27:00.000-06:00

You know how sometimes we feel like we are in the desert of life somehow? That's where my blog is lately. It's in the desert. I'm going through a dry spell. I don't plan to be here long, but for the moment, it's pretty dry. Maybe it's because it is January and we haven't taken many good pictures to inspire me. Maybe it is because life is so full, that there's not much time to write about it. Who knows. Lots of good things are happening. I am reading lots of wonderful blog entries from blogs I follow.....My heart and mind and spirit are full of many things, but I'm afraid that most are things I've already written about ad-nauseum....or that if I write them I will get hysterical emails/phone calls/drop-in visits with casseroles.....and not in a good way. I'm thinking of a poem with a phrase something like, "the winter of my discontent...."

I think the dry spell is rather nice once you name it. Now I have the freedom to just be dry for a bit.

My goal mid-November was to start to run and be able to run a 5K by late April on my birthday. I have never been, nor desired to be a runner, so it's a strange goal. I think mid-life crises spring up like that. So I started walking/running at the track and last week I got to the 3 miles of the 3.2 or whatever a 5K actually is. Guess I'll make that goal. Wierd, cuz I usually don't meet goals.

We started a study with our church called 40 days in the Word and I am eager for the Lord to teach me new things and refine me in this study. I imagine I'll have lots of stuff to write about as we progress.

Praying alot for families working at the process of bringing home some of the SCH kids through adoption in 2012. They started in 2011 and I am contending for them, to have their kids home sooner than later. I am falling in love with all the new kids from SCH via facebook pictures and stories and am just aching to go back again. Praying for the Lord to give me direction on that. Praying for continued health and goodness over my family. Precious is so much healthier this winter. It's been a long time since I have sat over her, counting her breathing, holding meds to her airway to keep her from crumping on me. It's been a long time since I was afraid for her life and begging the Lord to heal her. He has been so good to us, providing for our every need and I am so grateful.

Well, my exercise buddy is probably at the track waiting....and then it's off to a full work week so until later, blessings to any and all who sit with me in the dry spell.....may we all get soaking wet again soon.

rocks

2012-01-18T22:03:00.002-06:00

sometimes rocks and stones are the key to the path that leads to the art. just sayin.

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words wednesday

2012-01-18T18:48:00.000-06:00

Last week while I was doing my run/walk routine, I was praying. I was mostly asking/begging/demanding but since it was directed to the Lord, lets just call it praying. I wanted some direction, some clarity, some insight.....but in hindsight, I probably wanted a crystal ball. I wanted God to show me my future so that I could be excited. It never dawned on me that I might be disappointed, or worse yet, worried or fearful. I just assumed my future would be wonderful. That's nice, isn't it? I know hard times come because they always do....but when I was seeking the Lord for answers to what's to come.....I was just hopeful. Hopeful, but not patient. In this prayer time doing lap after lap on the track I stopped talking long enough to breathe (needed oxygen since I was jogging) and God quick got a word in "edgewise"....(what does edgewise mean, anyway?)

Yield. Trust.

I need lots of words to get my point across, but God....not so many. Clearly from the Lord. Clearly a response to my whiney prayer. Yield. Trust. Ok. I will.

I considered that answer from the Lord for several days. Yield. Trust. The trust part I can easily do. He's got it under control. The yield part? That is much harder. Yield/submit/surrender/give in/don't resist, lean forward not back.....and yet when I actually looked up scripture with the word "yield" in it, I was enlightened. God just loves to shine a light on His own words to help us understand Him...and ourselves. In the bible, "yield" often means: to produce. Like, a tree yields its fruit in its season, and the field will yield a harvest.....so yield can mean to be productive, useful, available, fruitful. Isn't that wonderful? It's like He was telling me, "don't just sit back and wait, or give up on a dream, or give in to dispair.....but yield. Give me the plan but produce much fruit and work the harvet field....oh and trust me, because I, the Lord your God, give good gifts to my children.

Yield. Trust.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

2012-01-16T20:18:00.000-06:00

Last year I think I posted his speech: "I have a dream"....this year, I mostly just moved through my day feeling grateful. Without civil rights leaders like him, Precious Maryn could not have been my daughter. She would likely have been aborted. Instead, we could say, "yes....if an African American woman wants to place her child for adoption because she feels like she cannot parent her, then yes, we would be most grateful and excited and ready to adopt her as our child." Precious is our daughter, equal to the other 3 kids. She has equal value, love, merit and inheritance in our home. We knew that the minute God declared her ours.....how is it that 40 years ago, Christians didn't see that? It baffles me.

And it challenges me. Where are our ignorances? Where is our social disparity? Who are the MLK Jr. personalities of our day? Maybe Precious Maryn will be. Maybe she will have a voice and speak to the injustice of racial inequality and oppression and poverty in the south. Maybe she will bring respect and authority and dignity to a place it has not been yet. Lord Jesus, I pray it will be so. I pray she can go back to the state of her birth some day, as a proud black woman, who is educated, articulate, and saved unto Jesus Christ her Lord. I pray she can go be a Mother Theresa to the community she was born into, and rescued from, to be adopted into our family. I pray she can be part of the solution to pain and hardship and injustice. I don't forget ever what it felt like to be in the town of her birth, with her birth mom and to notice what her life could have been like. Without Martin Luther King Junior, it would not have even been a dream, much less a reality. I honor his memory, his life, his purpose in the world. I believe he is dancing with Jesus today and Jesus is smiling.

2012-01-15T20:39:00.000-06:00

I love this picture. I love it today more than ever. This morning, Precious Maryn was jumping around in her diaper, as she does....before church. We were having breakfast and she pointed to Jeremiah and said, "you brown...no. You white. I brown." then she looked at Isaac, "you white. Precious brown." Then Claire....and then she turned to me. She gave me a puzzled look, then looked at my arms. Something inside her registerd a truth. "mom, you white. me brown." Yes hun. I fought back tears and could not look at her for a minute. I didn't want her to know just yet. She doesn't know she didn't come from my tummy. She doesn't know I wasn't there the day she was born. Yet.

When we said "yes" to a transracial adoption, it was suggested that we consider adopting more than once so that our adopted child would not feel like the only "different" one in the family. As many of you know, I am all for that but other members of the family are fine with the size of our family as is....so for now, I can just pray and know that Precious is beginning to understand that flesh comes in many different shades. I wish her crayola box had that many colors with a flesh label.

Word from God wednesday

2012-01-11T17:27:00.000-06:00

In keeping with my theme, I'm writing about God words on Wednesdays. Lately he said, Equip my saints. Raise up a generation of worshippers, intercessors and those for missions. Today I'm thinking about the last part...."and those for missions". Here's why.

The other day Claire and I were in the kitchen doing typical kitchen stuff: talking, unloading the dishwasher, listening to music, etc. She said, "Mom, I've been thinking. Maybe I don't want to be a teacher when I grow up. (All she has ever wanted to be was a teacher....) "Oh", I said. "So what do you think you want to do then?" Her answer suprised me, and yet, in light of God's words, not so much. I think I want to be a missionary." Quiet smile....quick prayer...careful words. "Wow....that's awesome Claire. I bet a trip to India to work with orphans sometime in the future would help you make that decision, huh?" Warm fuzzies in the kitchen...(and I don't mean the dust bunnies, or the sock lint from the laundry.....I mean smiles from heaven and on earth.)

why she is "Precious"

2012-01-10T22:14:00.000-06:00

Here is an example of why God named her Precious. P has a quirky little mannerism. Well, there are many, but this one was so sweet I have to share. When she sits on my lap to read books, she molds softly to my body, her funky hair just under my chin. I can kiss her sweet head over and over this way. The precious, quirky part is this. She gently places her soft fists inside my hands as I hold the book. Picture holding a board book open with both hands....and feeling small hands nestled perfectly into your hands, as you read, turn pages, and read some more. I have never had the pleasure and wonder of holding a book and a set of hands all at once. It is simply delightful. It is quiet, passive, agreeable and just plain Precious.

Her voice is soft and wise. She sings alot, even when she doesn't know the words. She wants to be held close all the time. She is a treasure beyond any I could imagine. she is my daughter, but she is so much more. She is so full of suprises and tenderness and challenge and laughter and silliness and deep love. Man, do I love this little girl. I just cannot imagine life without her. Many tried to discourage us from adopting because of worldly, practical things. None of them matter when I look down in awe of those sweet little hands tucked in to mine as we read books at night.

Lord God, please help me to never forget how it feels to have those little hands tucked into mine as we sit and read books at night. I don't have to remember everything but I desperately want to always remember how this feels. Amen.

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light or heavy?

2012-01-09T21:05:00.000-06:00

Often, it is hard to know whether to post light or heavy....they are both equally available. I often feel both. I want to keep a balance of light and heavy....example: When I wake up, I go to my lovely keurig coffee maker. I turn on the machine and look at my options. If I pick heavy coffee...I need light cream and vice versa. If I choose a heavy lunch, I need a light supper. If I do a heavy work-out, I need a light household chores day....etc. You get the point.

For today, the heavy is about suffering. I have a deep and unexplainable understanding of the human bond between a mother and her child. I honestly don't even know how to write about it. My heart hurts because of it. It fuels my love for my children, for the work I do, for orphans.....and today I spent some time with all 3 of those parts...and it was heavy. I am so proud of my kids. They are absolute joy and wonder to me. They are amazing creatures, created by God.....and I am moved by my love for them. I ache for a family I work with. The mom is a mess, and is trying hard, and the system is failing her, and the future is tenuous for them....and it is heavy. I am in spiritual warfare this week, for the orphan. I am taking thoughts captive in obedience to Christ, I am declaring the power and plan of God in Jesus Name and demanding that evil flee.....and it is heavy. There is so much suffering when you consider the bond between a mother and child.

Blow up the balloon....fill it with air.....tie it with string.....let it float up to the sky....and feel weightless, and light and silly and happy. Therein lies "the light" of it. Precious defiantly threw garbage out of the car onto the street while I was clenching my teeth, growling..."don't you dare....you'd better not....." and yes, she did it anyway. I slammed on the breaks, got out of the car, and picked up the pretzel bag....and...yes..., I did....I shook my finger in her face. Sigh. You should see her shake her finger. She's better at it than I am. I let my boys watch Fear Factor tonight....and laughed while they gagged and watched dumb contestants eat roaches and maggots.....I played peek-a-boo with a toddler....and got paid for it. I made meatloaf for supper.....the light side still lives. I laughed and smiled alot today.

My boys participate in a swim-a-thon on thursday. They raise money for their swim team by swimming x-amount of laps in 20 minutes. We didn't raise money, we didn't solicit donations. After trying hard to raise money for orphans without families in India, it seems just plain dumb to ask for money for our affluent, priveleged kids to keep their swim club going. Maybe I'll tell them if they swim 25 laps in 20 minutes (more than I could ever do) I'll give them a month with no chores and put $50.00 in myself....then pay it out with PTO from work and go get a massage. Hmmmmm. Sounds like a really sweet deal.

2012-01-06T21:34:00.000-06:00

A few "don'ts"

2012-01-06T21:29:00.000-06:00

Don't try folding laundry and potty-training in the same room. Clean towels become ....well, not-so.

Don't go out to carry your son in from the backyard, after he jumped from the tree house, and is screaming and can't walk......don't examine and ice his knee, say a prayer.....and then take a work phone call. While your back is turned, he may bolt out the other door and head back to the game.

Don't let your two-year old help assemble the island you and hubby got for Christmas.

Don't send your friends to India to love on orphan kids.....and expect to not be left aching and longing and planning and hoping in a fresh, new way.

Don't stay up too late when you have a swim meet in the morning 90 minutes away, and plan to take the whole family. (Don't forget to hit the ATM machine.....you will need cash)

Don't assume. Ever.

Don't doubt the power of prayer. Ever.

Don't understimate the Lord.....ever.

faithful

2012-01-04T18:21:00.000-06:00

hit the pause button on the noisy ipod music on the right, then click on the play triangle on the post and enjoy Selah's Faithful One. I heard this today on the radio as I was driving to my last visit of the day. I was in prayer, and I was thinking about the Lord and this song became worship to me, at about 4:30pm. It was simply beautiful. I hope you can worship as well.

Faithful One - Selah

2012-01-04T18:19:00.000-06:00

Words from God Wednesday

2012-01-04T18:08:00.000-06:00

Recently, the Lord told me, "Equip my saints, raise up a generation"....last week I wrote about equipping the saints. This week, I am thinking about raising up a generation....that's what us moms and dads are doing. We are raising up a generation. This is also the duty of the grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, teachers, preachers and marketplace Christians. We are raising up a generation. If someone is about 20 years my junior, I consider them that generation.....so anyone 23 years or younger qualifies for me. I think God wants me to "raise up" this generation. It is more than just my 4 children I am raising up. He has said in His Word to "train up a child in the way he should go"....but to raise up a generation. Jeremiah would say that is "epic". Yes, it is.

To raise up a generation, it is more than just food, clothing, shelter, love. Raising them up means literally lifting them to higher ground (prayers of protection, challenges, expectations). Raising them up means holding them high enough that they don't get trampled on. I have prayed with a couple of kids for almost 5 years, and my main goal was to hold them high enough that they would not get trampled on. Now, they are young men and we will finish our season of praying together....but I will continue to pray for them, to watch them, to notice how they are growing and learning under heaven....as God continues to raise them up.

To raise up a generation includes caring for orphans, and volunteering in the church programs. I'm a pretty lousy sunday school teacher (I've tried it 4-5 times). I don't have the energy for youth group (did that for about 4 years a decade ago) but I can take my turn in the nursery and equip my kids as helpers in other children's programs and be a driver for the summer VBS. I can work at raising awareness within the children of our church, for orphans and those in need. I can focus my nursing career on this generation, breaking cycles of dysfunction and teaching nurturing parenting and holistic health. To raise up a generation means to live a life walking with the Lord, striving to do His will and modelling that for the generation coming after me.

To raise up a generation is a high calling. It is an honor to know that God wants me to spend my energy and passion and time and heart on this. Like "equip the saints", "raise up a generation" is not my sole assignment. I sure can't do it alone and I sure don't want to take all the blame or credit for what this generation is capable of. I know God's eyes are on our kids. His hand of love and provision and his hope for the future is in His gaze. I am a mama, through and through and my job is to raise up the next generation to know and love and serve the Lord. How? Good question.

I believe God is faithful. He is faithful too provide the skills, the hope, the energy, the inspiration to do it. He created this generation. They are here. He has written their lives into His plan already. All we have to do is agree, and listen, and watch, and help. It starts with food, clothing, shelter and love. It grows into much, much more under the watchful hand of our faithful, mighty God.

2012-01-03T08:55:00.000-06:00

Mercy

2012-01-03T08:47:00.000-06:00

I'm thinking about mercy this morning. I read a devotional today that spoke about God's mercy. One quote of the book said this, "In a perfect world e could have demonstrated His power, His purity, His wisdom, His creativity-all of His attributes. Except one. Mercy. How can a merciful God be known in a perfect world? He can't. The imperfect had to come." I just love that. It helps me understand why God allows sin and pain and darkness to be here with us. It may not be the only reason, but it is a reason and a good one. To show is mercy. What that tells me, is that even when the dirty devil thinks he is winning, he is not. All he is doing is painting a scene for God to step in and display His mercy. Through Jesus, the ultimate mercy came, but daily, in the walking out of faith, God desires to show us mercy.

I am often failing at my daily walk with the Lord. I give in to doubt, dispair, uncertainty. I am weak and broken and a mess much of the time. I strive for the fruit of the Spirit in my life and instead, give in to self-indulgence, temper tantrums, lack of patience, lack of joy. Yet. I am striving. Why? Mercy. Hope. The Holy Spirit who dwells in me desires greater things of my life. He is nudging me toward holiness.....with a strong dose of mercy this morning, to keep me going strong.

Ephesians 4:32 defines mercy with a few different words: Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Mercy. Kindness. Compassion. Forgiveness. Christ.

2012-01-02T21:44:00.000-06:00

I copied this pictures of sweet Max from Deanne's facebook page. Max has had our heart since he first came with the most recent bunch of kids this fall. Jeremiah has a tender spot for Max. This is partly because he had named his fish Max, his stuffed monkey Max, and most other things for about a year or two. When he learned there was a sweet orphan boy at SCH named Max, he was committed. He began to pray for Max. When Max had heart surgery, he knew about it and asked about him and prayed for him. When there are new pictures of the kids on facebook, I always make sure to show Max to Jeremiah. Isaac thinks we should adopt Max because he wants a littler brother....Jeremiah just wants Max.

Today we were admiring all the recent pictures from India that Brian and Deanne have taken. Jeremiah stood behind me and said, "Mom, is $120.00 enough money to go get Max?" I happen to know that after his Christmas gifts, that is the sum total of his net value on this earth. He had just counted it. I really believe that if I had said "Yes" that he would have turned over all his money so that we could bring Max home. My heart aches over this because if we felt that way, truly and completely, we would adopt many more times and just keep adding kids to the family, to give them a hope, a future, a family. If we could want a child so much, that we would turn over everything, just to bring him or her home. I sure wish $120.00 was enough. What I said to my sweet son was this: "Well, Jeremiah, it's not enough to adopt Max but it is more than enough to start to climb the mountain of prayer for Max. We can pray and pray that God will make a plan for Max, and if it includes us, then we will make that $120.00 grow and grow and grow"......or something like that.

I would bet that each of my 4 children will adopt some day. That makes me so proud. If there are still orphans in the world, my kids will not turn away and ignore them. It is my prayer, and hope, for 2012 to bring that same longing, aching, and ownership of God's heart cry for orphans to my church kids, to my kids' schools, to our friends, to any one who will listen. We can all fall in love with a Max or two....God already loves them, and so can we.

Max

2012-01-02T21:31:00.002-06:00

2012-01-01T18:34:00.001-06:00

Old Year's celebrating: New Year's Eve and Wii Dance 3....

2012-01-01T18:34:00.000-06:00

2012-01-01T18:33:00.000-06:00

New Years Sweetness

Happy New Year!

2011-12-31T16:41:00.000-06:00

Well, its the last evening of 2011. When we wake up tomorrow, we will welcome 2012. Isn't that awesome? I love being able to recognize the ending and beginning of something. It's just so very much "living in the moment." Tonight we are taking our kids out for a grand gorging at the pizza buffet, then taking them home. Then mom and dad are going to a movie. I can't wait to sit next to my husband in a movie theater and watch a grown-up movie and be on a date! Woo-hoo for 2012!

Resolutions. We can't not do them. They summon us. Goals....we should have them. Well....maybe tomorrow.

from "Kisses from Katie"

2011-12-30T15:21:00.000-06:00

p. 91-92: " The truth is that there are children like this all over the world, sick, starving, dying, unloved, and uncared for. The truth is that the 143 million orphaned children and the 11 million who starve to death or die from preventable diseases and the 8.5 million who work as child slaves, prostitutes, or under other horrific conditions and the 2.3 million who live with HIV add up to 164.8 million needy children. And though at first glance that looks like a big number, 2.1 billion people on this earth proclaim to be Christians. The truth is that if only 8 percent of the Christians would care for one more child, there would not be any statistics left."

Shame on us. How will we answer for this when we meet Jesus at the end of our earthly days. Barely saved is just not good enough for Christians today. It never was, but now with the ability to be aware, and the affluence to make changes in peoples lives....well we just can't not help.

I'll beat the drum for Sarah's Covenant Homes in India. Katie does it for Uganda. Decide where you will start to make noise and do something. I desperately want to adopt a special needs child from SCH. I desperately want to return to India again and again to help Sarah with the SCH ministry. The more I pray, and listen, and read and watch, the more I understand that my desperation is not selfish or crazy or unnecessary. God needs us, His people, to reach out and grab hold of His children. Maybe my desperation is exactly the heart of the Lord and when I pray, "God, line my desires and my will up to yours" that is exactly what He is doing.

You may get sick of hearing me talk about this but it's my blog and I can write it however I want to. Every time I pick up a book, or read the bible, or tune in to Christian radio, I feel God speaking to me about the orphan children and their need to be parented. They will not ever understand the love of a Heavenly Father if they have not known what is feels like to be loved. Please, please love the children in the world today. Love them here in the USA and everywhere you find them. Love them with your heart, your prayers, your finances, your influence, your voices.

2011-12-29T23:13:00.000-06:00

Ok. So this has nothing to do with anything, except that it so accurately depicts what it feels like to "hit the wall". Claire was maybe, 5, Isaac 3....and this picture just blesses me. May we all hit the wall in such a sweet and peaceful way.

2011-12-29T23:09:00.001-06:00

a wall of snow....several years ago. Snow? Where are you? It's December 29 and raining!

2011-12-29T23:07:00.000-06:00

really big mountain wall

2011-12-29T23:05:00.000-06:00

walls

the wall

2011-12-29T16:15:00.000-06:00

I think I've hit the post-Christmas holiday wall. I was cruising along, getting tons done everyday, including exercise and clean-up and work.....and today I went head-long into a very tall and heavy wall. I started my day having coffee and breakfast and wonderful conversation with a dear friend....then dabbled a bit in work, then got a few groceries, then a meeting....thheeeeennnnn home to fix luunnnncchhhh........and layed down with Precious for a snooze........that didn't last nearly long enough for either of us. Within an hour she was awake.....fussy.......tired.....maybe feverish......and she and I have been on the couch ever since. She is weepy, fragile, out of sorts. I kind of feel the same. Shoot.

I have to gear up and head out to do harp and bowl prayer tonight, which is wonderful. It promises to be low-key and mellow as well, so maybe that's just the theme of the day. Tomorrow starts New Year's Weekend, which may be wild and crazy for some, but around here, we may just keep lounging like lizzards and watching lots of tv and packing away Christmas stuff. It just feels rather good to sit.

In my sitting and wall-gazing, I am also praying. Praying for my friends ministering in Haiti, in Ethiopia, and by tomorrow, in Liberia and in India. The Hoekstra's should be ther by tomorrow evening. I'm excited for them to touch down and get to loving on those kids....and just because I'm sitting anyway, I'm browsing flight information to see when I could find an affordable ticket to India myself....and since I'm praying anyway, I'm asking God for the reason and purpose and blessing to go back sometime soon.

Huh, now it feels like I'm leaning on that wall I ran into. It's rather heavy and supportive. I think I'll stay here awhile.

Words Wednesday

2011-12-28T21:52:00.000-06:00

I'm gonna try a "Words from God Wednesday" for awhile, as opposed to the Wordless Wednesday that is common in blogworld. I probably won't last long, because there aren't that many. I am, however, thinking alot about the words I have gotten, so I think I'll write about them...in no particular order.

"Equip my saints". That one is recent....like, last week. I heard it in the night and it has echoed in my thoughts ever since. I may be considering it more heavily because of the trip to India that Deanne and her husband are taking tomorrow. They are going to see my kids, our kids. They will hold them, tickle them, sing to them, pray for them, love them. If I can't go, then they should. By encouraging them to heed God's call for their lives, by praying for them, by hearing their hearts regarding a restlessness, a longing to follow the Lord...I affirmed them and told them they weren't crazy.....they are going. This may just be one step in a series of many for them, to get the the place God is leading....but they said "yes" and they are getting on a very large plane tomorrow morning and flying to India. Who knows where God will take them next, but I will be waiting, watching and praying. In a very small, quiet, humble way....I did my part to equip these saints.

These two friends are also acting like my hands and feet, and sharing my heart, with abandoned, special needs orphans. This is how we share Jesus. We are His hands and feet, sharing His heart, going to the places He cares about to love on those He has touched. I am, you are, we are a mere extension of Jesus when we love like this. It would be much easier to live in the 3D world of American pleasure, success, excess. It would be much more comfortable to be a casual, comfortable Christian who does church and a few nice committees. Because God pierced my heart for these kids, I am different. My perspective is different. I am uncomfortable all the time. I'm not selling this to you because it feels good. I'm selling it because it is good. It is God-good. I am offering an opportunity to all of you out in blogworld, to equip you as saints. If you haven't moved yet, then move. Out of comfort, into heartache, love, sacrifice, restlessness, longing, and things that make no sense. Love orphans. Start adopting them if God says you should. Send money to places you will not get anything in return.....pray for someone. Equip some saints.

help me pray

2011-12-27T16:44:00.000-06:00

Hello friends. I am sending out a call for prayer. Please help me pray. I know that the prayers of just one avail much....but the voices of many are a symphony to the Lord...I just know it. Please help me pray. On thursday, in just 2 days, there are some big things happening. I will be praying from the moment I wake up, on the 29th, until I go to sleep, and maybe even in my dreams. The trouble is, I would like to just cancel my day, my duties, my life, and go to a quiet cabin somewhere on a hill. I would like to light candles, play music, open my bible and my journal....and sit quietly before the Lord. I would like to listen and to intercede and to pray for my friends who are all travelling around the world, on Thursday, to be a light for Jesus. Unfortunately, I have to do some visits for work, and take care of my 4 kids who are home on Christmas break, and then lead prayer worship for our weekly harp and bowl prayer meeting. So! I won't be on the hillside, in a cabin, at a rustic wooden table with a candle and the Word....I will be doing the business of life. But I will be praying. In my car, around the house, to and fro....as I sing, as I listen, as I move about. I will pray for Ms. Arlene, an 87-year old prayer warrior/intercessor/former missionary and friend. She is travelling to Africa with a drama troupe who will enact a play of her time in Ethiopia. I will pray for a local group of friends and their younger college companions, who are going to Haiti to love on some orphan kids, and to minister to those they meet on the streets, and to share the light of Jesus. Taunya, Greg and Erica....I am lifting you up. I will pray for the Baart family as they go to Liberia, to sow seeds into their passion: One Body One Hope. These are all local people from my community, by the way. And finally, I will be praying for my dear sweet Jesus sister Deanne and her amazing husband Brian. They are blogging their trip at White Stone Soup (find it on my side bar if you click "show all"). They are going back to Ongole, India, to Sarah's covenant Homes, to meet the new kids we prayed home this August. They are going to serve and love and learn and listen and be ready for whatever God wants to reveal to them. I will be praying. I am aching in prayer already, so by Thursday I will really, really, really need some help. Thanks, all of you who will take it to heart, and help me pray.

2011-12-25T23:04:00.001-06:00

Christmas, 2011.

at the end of the day.....

2011-12-25T22:43:00.000-06:00

Here I am, at the end of the day. Christmas was wonderful today. The kids woke us up early for gifts, then breakfast, then quick showers and off to church. My folks came over for coffee and egg nog and the kids got to show off their loot.....then a very laid back lunch....and a much needed nap for mom. Then we geared back up for our last party of the season at my mom's extended family....with bingo and yummy food....and were home by 9. The kids are all sleeping (including their dad) and I'm just sitting in a quiet, post-Christmas house. It is just lovely. Merry Christmas to me. We cleaned up the living room so that I could sit here with candles burning, the tree lit up, and be quiet and still....at the end of the day. Aaahhhh.

Our pastor today, spoke of the "sequel" to Christmas....meaning Easter, then Pentecost. It doesn't end at Christmas. What a wonderful Christmas morning message. Christmas is the beginning, not the end. It may be at the end of the year, but it is the beginning of the reflections, the learning, the leaning into our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Next, we turn our attention to Easter, and embracing the cross, and the sacrifice for our salvation. Later, at Pentecost, we say "yes" to the Holy Spirit, coming down, to replace Jesus on Earth, to refine us, help us, convict and comfort us....so at the end of the day, I am actually leaning into my tomorrows.

Merry Christmas everyone. I have one hour and fifteen minutes left of this one and I plan to see it through to the end. I do love Christmas alot.

2011-12-25T00:00:00.001-06:00

2011-12-24T23:57:00.000-06:00

candlelight service

2011-12-24T23:30:00.000-06:00

If you happen to attend my church, you likely saw me toward the back, quietly crying through much of the candlelight Christmas Eve service tonight. Precious Maryn fell asleep just before the sermon(Praise God from whom all blessings flow) and the timing was divine. Our pastor was preaching on Immanuel, God with Us....no matter what. Ms. Wendy Gomez, before she left for India, shared with us that Immanuel was her blessing, her prayer while in India. Whenever I hear the word, which is often lately, I lift her up in prayer. It is a beautiful connection for me, between Christmas, India, my sweet friend who is there loving on all the precious babes....and the reason for the Season. God is with us. I was feeling this truth so heavy in church tonight. God was there, with us. I was just telling Him that I loved Him, and He was allowing me to feel His love in this house of worship, surrounded by my family and friends....and His Presense was very heavy to me. I became aware, with a deep ache in my chest, of everyone in this church, who was hurting right now, who needed to feel the love of the Savior, the truth that He did come, to be with us and help us and deliver us....

Like a wave, a fresh truth washed over me. Jesus came for me. Jesus came to earth as a baby, in flesh, humble, weak, fragile....and He did it for me. Christmas is for me. The Holy Night of my Savior's birth means that I get to live forever in Heaven with Him. Wow. I clearly saw how hurt and broken and alone I would have been, if Jesus had not come down to earth that night, that Holy Night. I clearly saw how aweful my life would have stayed if not for Him. And I cried. And cried. And cried. I could not stop crying. I walked out, carrying my sleeping toddler, quite a mess. I didn't want to tell anyone why I was crying. I didn't want to explain it to my husband or my kids. It was my treasure tonight....for a few moments, anyway. I got it. Fresh. Painfully, fresh. Again, as I write it, I feel it fresh. It hurts. It really does. We sang Silent Night, Holy Night....and I couldn't sing. I just sat and listened and worshipped my King, my Lord, my Saviour. He came for me. And for you. For us.

2011-12-24T22:51:00.000-06:00

prayers

2011-12-20T07:13:00.000-06:00

Early this morning, I was in that yummy place of partly awake and partly asleep. I love that place. I began to pray, as I often do. A name comes to mind, I lift up that person, and fall back to sleep, and wake up, and pray another prayer for someone or something....and often God speaks into my prayers. This is not a special thing, or a rare thing. It is available to us all. Please try it sometime. Grow your prayer life to include those very sweet places at the start and end of each day. This morning, I had been praying for some children I know and love, whose mamas had asked me to pray. Love that, by the way. Bring it on. As I was sleeping and praying, I felt God say this to me, "Equip my saints. Raise up a generation of worshippers and intercessors and in missions" I repeated it several times to make sure I didn't forget it. Yey me, I finally got it right and didn't forget when I got up! Praise God!

I love this little directive from God for many reasons. It speaks to me as a mama. Yes, Lord. I will parent my kids in such a way that they will learn to worship, to pray, and to live and work for you. It speaks to me in my love for children as a whole. Adults make me a bit crazy. They often disappoint me, or upset me, or unnerve me. Not kids. Kids are set apart in a most special way. God's hand is on them in a very pure and blessed way. I love to spend time with children. I also like this little message because it gives me something to work with. Here's how it goes.

God speaks to me, and it sounds like something from the bible, but not sure. I start to look things up, watching for key words and phrases....and God leads me through a bible study, or a scripture to meditate on, or a lesson. Sometimes it happens in one sitting, sometimes I stay there for days and weeks. I am sharing this with you all so that you can join me. He didn't tell just me to equip the saints and raise up a generation of worshippers and intercessors. I sure can't do that all by myself. We all must, so that the generation coming up has the tools needed for whatever unfolds in history for them. God is asking us to ready our children. Yes, Lord. Of course.

Ephesians 4 is where I'm starting. Please let me know if you find other bible verses that sow into this. Bible only, not opinion at this point please. Verse 12 starts:.....to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every resect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work. (through verse 16.)

revised Christmas list for Santa....5 days before Christmas

2011-12-19T20:36:00.000-06:00

1. Please keep us healthy through Christmas.
2. Please send just a bit of snow.
3. Please help us feel grateful, generous, kind and loving to everyone....in Jesus' precious name.
4. Please help my friends and family to understand how much they mean to me.
5. Please deliver my friends who are travelling to India, Haiti and Africa, safe and sound, on the wings of Eagles, in God's mighty hands.

on this day

2011-12-19T16:28:00.002-06:00

On this day, December 19, 16 years ago.....he got down on one knee in the snow and gave me a ring. I said, "yes"......and have been saying "yes" ever since. I'm so glad he asked.

looking back

2011-12-17T14:20:00.000-06:00

As I scrolled through the pictures of Christmas past, I was just transported back.....starting 7 years ago, because that is when we started with a digital camera. 7 years ago....and I can almost feel that Christmas, with 3 little kids who were so needy. I had to put all their gear on if they were going out to play in the snow. They came in crying because they were cold and wet, and I had to strip them down, dry them off, fill them with cookies and hot chocolate.....and then do it all over again hours later. Those were good times. My, how we change year after year. As I see the transition from Christmas to Christmas, it is my prayer that God will transform us spiritually just as clearly. I want to change every year for the better, grow, mature....just like these photos reveal in my little birds. Lord God, please make it so. I'm so busy and distracted and I long to just be with you, to rest in you, to learn from you, to hear from You, God, this Christmas. Bring me into your Presence, God. Let me sit before you with an eager smile, like children do when they pose for a picture in front of the Christmas tree. waiting, hoping, wondering about the gifts that are coming.....Lord, I am also waiting, hoping and wondering about Your gifts for me this year.

Oh, come let us adore you, Jesus.

2011-12-17T14:00:00.000-06:00

7 years ago

2011-12-17T13:59:00.000-06:00

6 years ago

2011-12-17T13:58:00.000-06:00

5 years ago

2011-12-17T13:55:00.000-06:00

4 years ago

2011-12-17T13:54:00.000-06:00

3 years ago....

2011-12-17T13:53:00.000-06:00

2 years ago.....

2011-12-17T13:51:00.001-06:00

last year

2011-12-15T14:31:00.001-06:00

Phoebe....on her birthday.

2011-12-15T14:31:00.000-06:00

Judah

2011-12-15T14:29:00.000-06:00

Cassia

2011-12-15T14:28:00.001-06:00

Jodi and Dorothy

2011-12-15T14:28:00.000-06:00

Aloe

2011-12-15T14:26:00.000-06:00

twins, Amulya and Dhivena

who can you have?

2011-12-15T12:44:00.000-06:00

If you'd like to follow (i.e. claim in your heart as your own special child....one loved by the Lord, orphaned by the world.....waiting.....)one of the SCH kids and support them financially and in prayer, here are children who do not have a "someone" yet. If you want to just do a financial gift to the address in Montana, then the full 100% goes to the orphanage. Paypal takes a bit, and the exchange rate of rupees to dollars changes. Right now it's really good. Anyway. Here are kids you could choose from. If you want help seeing pictures of any of them, I'll do my best. I have at least one photo of each child, minus the 2 newest baby girls...but can get at that as well. :)

Jamila (pick her, please pick her!), Jackie (her too), Cassia (held her myself), Winnie, Tessa, Margaret, dinah, Elodie, Jodi (my beach buddy from June), Eleanor, Zinnia, Lydia, Jasmine, Genevieve, Jeanette, Molly, Esther, Dorothy( other beach buddy in June), Felecia, Melina, Lily, Susan, Victoria, Ginger, Phoebe, Stacy, Stephanie, Katheleen, Amy, Aloe, Paula, Rhoda, Zoe, Amanda, Grace, Glory, Annie, Meghan, Christina, Dhivena, Amulya, Wendy, Evan, Asher, Cedar, Valor, Ezra, Andrew, Brent, Thomas, Judah, Palmer, Aaron, Barnabas, Elijah, Jeff, Charlie, Silas, Sam, Nicky, Santosh, Prakash, Isaac, Justin, Nathan, Michael, Jason, Christopher, Jasper, David, Caleb, Jeremiah, Daniel, Jared, Levi, Josheph, Shephen and Rasool.

I have to say that as I was typing names, my heart was just aching....thinking that these names could be special to a family, their pictures could be on the fridge, or in a frame on the mantle...it would be just so wonderful if at least one Christian family could claim each of the special orphans at Sarah's Covenant Homes in India. Wow. God is pretty big. I believe he could make it happen. He loves these kids so much.

What if each child not only had one family, but one CHURCH family......what could happen to the future of India, as the gospel of Jesus is shared? What could happen to the churches of America, if we would gather in the lost, the hurting, the orphaned, the widowed, the poor....for absolutely no personal gain.....other than the blessing and favor of the Lord Jesus Christ. Who can you have?

SCH kids

2011-12-15T12:10:00.000-06:00

I'm feeling nudged by the Lord to push for awareness and opportunity to commit to the SCH kids in 2012. I fell in love with Rachel in 2009, while we were waiting to adopt Precious Maryn. I wept for her, prayed for her, begged Roger to let us start the adoption process for her. My friend Jen and I asked our husbands for the gift of sponsoring her that year for Christmas so we split the $150.00 monthly cost. Many people cannot do a huge monthly amount, but even half or a fourth of that is significant when it goes to pay regular bills at the orphanage. Diapers, meds, clothes, school tuition, food.....for 111 kids. Please consider sponsoring a child at SCH this year for the holidays. My life has been radically changed since I first found this orphanage, and fell in LOVE with these children that God rescued through Sarah Rebbavarapu. She stepped out in faith to accept each of these children, not knowing where the provision would come....and it comes daily from God, through the fellowship of other Christians who say "yes" to the biblical mandate to care for orphans.

Sponsored fully are: Alina, Hannah, Benjamin, Chelsea, Emma, Gabe, Honor, Hope, Joshua, Keren, Kumar, Max, Monica, Nolaan, Nora, Promise, Rachel (she's mine :) ), Rebekah, Ruthie, Solomon. Partial sponsorship (so feel free to sign up for these kids) is April, John, Melanie, Naomi and Serene.

I'll go hunt up my list of all the kids and try to list who is still available.....but since I am administratively handicapped, that could take awhile. Feel free to visit Sarah's blog or facebook page to see the kids' pictures. Sarahscovenanthomes.blogspot.com. Or Sarah's Covenant Homes page on facebook.

Ho ho ho!

Delicious

2011-12-14T19:53:00.000-06:00

This week, Precious Maryn learned to say "delicious"....in context even. By that, I mean she pretended she was nibbling me and then said, "mom, you are delicious". Yep, that's what she's used to having done. Nibbling. She is quite delicious. And smart. She is counting to at least 14....and can sometimes tell the difference between big and little....and gets half her colors right....and says "bless you" when I sneeze. Sigh. she's really smart. and sweet. And adorable. I love her so much. I even love that she is fiesty and intense and demanding. She knows she is worthy of my love and attention and affection.

I cannot believe I get to be a mom to these 4 great kids. They are all wonderful, sweet, precious gifts from the Lord. What do I want for christmas this year? To cherish my blessings, to be thankful and generous and kind. I want to enjoy my children and my husband and the holiday cheer. It is all quite delicious from where I sit this year.

Apologies for not getting a Christmas card/photo out this year. We'll work harder on it next year and get it on your refrigerators by early December 2012!

correction

2011-12-12T18:54:00.000-06:00

was driving east not west. I'm guessing you all figured that out because the sun was rising in FRONT of me....thought I had checked for mistakes. oops.

God's timing

2011-12-11T23:05:00.000-06:00

For 2 days now, I have been made more aware of God's impeccable, irrefutable....freakishly perfect timing. He is sovereign. He is Holy. He is Power....and He is so much in control. Lately, He is showing me just how much....through little, quiet, modest and yet extravagant things. Maybe He is showing me His timing to grow my faith. I bet He wants to teach me to trust Him. Maybe He is showing me, just because He can....and it pleases Him....and He knows I'll get the "hee-bee-gee-bees" when I get how awesome what He can do, actually is....

Yesterday morning, I was driving west at 6:30am, to go give that talk to that Christmas brunch ladies' group. It was a dark, calm, peaceful morning. The lunar eclipse happened yesterday, and as dawn rose....the full moon began to be shadowed behind me. I saw light coming from the direction I was heading....and the moon began to be eclipsed behind me. The symbolism there is extravagant, in and of itself. I am so glad I am moving in the direction of light....and from the darkness....and this particular event only happens every 100 years. I thanked the Lord for getting me up and out of the house to experience it. To know what He does....simply because He can...as the creator, and scientist, and artist. I listened to The Nutcracker Suite as I travelled, because it is soothing, and exceptional...and because I seldom get to really hear it. I heard it. It was amazing. I was watching the light rise....somehow forgetting that the sunrise actually includes seeing the actual sun... rise....

I was praying, and thanking God for this beauty, this tranquility, this rare moment to be fully present....and I just felt how much He loves me. God loves me. I began to pray for my family, my future, Gods plans. I prayed for India, and the orphans, and whether or not we would adopt again....and I was just yielding my will and my dreams and my heart to the Lord.....and then the bright crimson sun peeked over the horizon. It was wide and full and radiant....and I was in awe. It's been a really long time since I saw the sun rise. The cd of the symphony ended and it was quiet for a brief moment....I was at a place in the road where I had to stop and then turn. The silence exploded with that sunrise. Music began on the cd that was in my player, and had been in there for months and months unnoticed. It was Josh Wilson....and he sang...."If a sunrise somehow gives you hope.....if a newborn baby stirs something in your soul....if a symphony inspires you...." and I just lost it. God led me through a perfect symphony, to a sunrise, to prayer, to worship, to love, to a pause.....on the way to a public speaking endeaver.....and He totally swept me up. In His timing. Just cuz he can. I wept, and messed up my make-up and cried some more.

He is the king of timing. He is the author of perfection....it all things. He has the ability to have someone read a book with a theme, and then have that theme carried out in the scripture read in front of church for Advent. He has perfect timing. He speaks to us through His timing....to get our attention, to gleen our awe. He has mine. I am in awe. I could never get to where God is with timing. I am in. I'm in for the long haul. I will do what He wants and go where He sends me. He is worth it....and the bonus is in the symphony, the newborn baby, the sunrise. He is so worth it.

my day

2011-12-10T17:51:00.000-06:00

The trouble with "living" is that you can't take the time to capture every moment with a photo....but today was the kind of day that would have warranted a collage of them. I would love to be able to post a series of pictures that tell the story of my day. Sorry. I was living. I was not taking pictures. Thank you to all who sincerely prayed for me. I felt them. I needed them. God enjoyed and used them. May you be blessed beyond measure for your service to the King.

the pictures in my mind

2011-12-09T10:49:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow I'm going to speak at that women's brunch I mentioned before. If it appeals to you, I would covet prayers for that event. I am really excited to do it, but the getting it ready/travelling there/travelling home part will be more work than the "giving it". The topic is Hearing God's Voice. As I think about that, and look at my life so far, I just feel so amazingly grateful that I do hear His voice. I do see Him. I do know Him. Christmas....parenting.....work....all of it would be so shallow without the Presence of my Savior.

Last night I had two very vivid pictures in my mind I would like to share. The first was after someone asked me, "how are you?".....loaded question, people. My answer is seldom, "good"....but much more descriptive. For example, "Well....I sort of feel like I'm sitting on santa's sleigh.....and it's loaded with toys and jobs and lists and duties.....and I am not sure if it will get off the ground. Those darn reindeer keep lurching forward, ready to go, wanting to fly....and I am just leaning back, saying-whoa! wait! Hold on! Linger.....pause....savor.....rest.....but the night is filled with stars and the moon is bright and the sleigh is charged and the deer want to MOVE!' So, that's how I am.

The second picture in my mind came at our harp and bowl prayer service. I was praying and singing and I just saw so clearly, a picture of Moses, holding his staff in one hand, with arms raised....and the walls of water, so powerful, on either side, parted, with dry ground between them. His arms were shaking with the weight and power of the task.....and I just knew that Moses was our prayers in that place, as we prayed for unity in marriages, and in our relationship with Jesus as the Bridegroom of us, the Church.....and in our prayers, Jesus came in and walked across the dry land, between the walls of water....and it was so beautiful. Prayer is so powerful. Jesus comes when we pray.

So, those are my pictures in my mind this day. It's home day with Precious and it is lovely. I hope you all are having a lovely friday as well.

For the birds

2011-12-07T22:47:00.000-06:00

The other day I waited until after the snow was done falling. My backyard birds have been quite faithful since we moved in, and the numbers keep increasing so I am watchful, and a bit excited, about the experience. These birds are amazing. They are fast, they are graceful, they are ruthless...and committed to their task. They are really fun to watch. I realize it's a sign of old age, to enjoy watching birds. I get it. The fact is, that I have an amazing backyard. It is tranquil, it is serene, it is therapeutic. Those who have been reading awhile know that I often refer to my family, my kids, as the birds in my nest....so there are multiple applications to be had....right outside my rear window. Here is just one of them. After the snow on saturday night, I went out and spread fresh birdseed around the yard. It was quiet and I hadn't seen my backyard visitors yet. I was eager to see who would come first. I always watch for the cardinals. There is a pair and it is unfair to prefer them. They are just striking...and have good manners...but anyway...the seed was out and so I watched, and waited. The birds didn't come. Until Monday. On Monday I got to watch a winterfest party in action. They came in droves....they came in pairs....they came adult with baby bird....and they chirped and squalked and dipped and soared and fought and flew and ate and ate and ate....it was so much fun. I was only home for a short time, but the bird-fest was unbelievable....they were having a blast! It was like, in the summer, when the neighborhood kids are here in the pool, and everyone is laughing and swimming and diving and feeling filled with life.....only with birds! As I was savoring the moment, smiling, I was prayerful. I was attentive. God showed me that He does this for us. He gives us the manna for the day, the seed for the meal....and just when we need it. He waits until we will see His provision, then he spreads it around, and sits back to watch us consume it. He delights in it. He gets pleasure from watching us get what we need, what we love, what we were created to do....and He knows that we will consume it all. It is only for the moment, the day, the hour. My birds have eaten every last kernal. I need to go out tomorrow and give more. God will do the same. Each day, there will be fresh provision for me, for you, for us. He wants us to enjoy it. He wants us to have a party with it, and to invite our friends to the backyard, to the table, to the feast....so be ready, friends. Be ready for fresh snowfall, and fresh provision, and fresh delight from the Father. I want to be like the birds. I want to enjoy the feast provided by the One who pays attention, who knows, who is always aware of my need.

Baby Margaret

2011-12-07T12:38:00.000-06:00

I got this from Erin's facebook page. She had just fed sweet Margaret and she is resting....this is a huge answer to prayer. I didn't think this little one would make it at one point, she was so ill. Please pray that she continues to heal and gain strength....

graphic picture from Sarah's blog...

2011-12-07T12:34:00.000-06:00

Here's baby Emma.

2011-12-07T12:33:00.000-06:00

Emma, with her newly placed shunt to drain the fluid in her head. She is so strong....pray that her body heals and that God heals her. Pray she already feels the love of Jesus poured out for her, that she would know her Lord and how he is using so many to touch her little life.

marasmus

2011-12-07T12:30:00.000-06:00

Taking a short break from holiday cheer to post about a word I didn't know before this week. Marasmus. My friends in India have labelled it as a condition of a few of the most fragile, sickly, emaciated kiddos....I've been a nurse for 17 years. I'm sure I learned it at some point, but because of who I am and where I live, it wasn't something I ever needed to consider. I googled it. You can as well, for the official definition....basically it means that when a person has been starved of food and nutrients long enough, the body starts to break down protein (muscle) and weaken. In my layman's terms, that translates to this. When your body no longer has anything to use to burn energy and keep the organs going....it begins to burn itself. It consumes its own parts, namely, muscle. This makes me so sad. It also makes me sick. Two babes, Emma and Margaret, have this condition. They are skin and bones.....because their survival instinct knew enough (placed by God the scientist) to burn the muscle to stay alive. Have you ever had to fight this hard to stay alive? Have you ever had to get to the end of your very fiber of being....only to know that the last resort is to consume yourself? My goodness. I haven't. The worst, darkest, most miserable days of my life were nothing compared to every day of these precious babies' lives.

They are just newborn babies....they haven't even started to live yet. They are still just trying not to die. They likely don't know rest or peace or contentment or warmth or love....oh.....wait a minute.....yes, they do. Sarah took them in. Sarah opened her already full and busting heart of love, and made room on her exploding lap....and she said yes. Marasmus may be a factor, but love came down to touch Emma and Margaret. Love is praying for them, feeding them through Erin and Cassie and the hospital staff and the Ayahs.....love is rocking them and weeping over their broken little bodies. Love found them and they are alive. Sanctity of Life sunday is in January, for our churches, and I just feel like we have no idea what that means....but Emma and Margaret do. Sarah and Erin and Cassie and the ayahs do. Surgeons who spared no expense to do spinal taps and place brain shunts to. Marasmus knows what sanctity of life means.

I try to increase the protein in the food I eat, so that I can stay full longer and try to shed unwanted pounds....how completely indulgent and pathetic is that? Emma and Margaret would likely beg, borrow and steal to have the protein back in their bodies, that I choose to avoid if I choose a cookie instead of a boiled egg.

I'm listing marasmus as one of my enemies. I'm going to read the psalms and when the word "enemy" comes up, I"ll put marasmus in there instead....and pray that God will strike down my enemy, defeat my enemy, and eliminate it in Jesus name.

2011-12-05T19:25:00.000-06:00

2011-12-05T19:22:00.000-06:00

What's on your Christmas list this year?

December

2011-12-04T21:31:00.000-06:00

Well, the tree is up, gifts are getting wrapped...and we have snow. The Christmas parties have been scheduled. I have my "mommy list" in-hand so that when I can manage it, I will know what shopping I still need to do. We took care of the big stuff on-line, but there is still a significant chunk to do in person. The best part of that shopping, is that I go alone....usually on a work day....and I sip coffee and wander around stores and listen to Christmas music and just sort of lose myself in it all for just one day of the crazy shopping extravaganza.

Next week saturday I have a speaking gig. I would love some prayer for that, if you think of it. I'm speaking at a church 2 1/2 hours north of here that I've never heard of....and they are paying me, which is rather cool. They want to hear my story....and it is for the Christmas women's brunch....and the topic will be "Hearing Gods Voice". I'm really excited to do it, but as always, prayer coverage helps it be about God and not me.

I'm not going to India in December. My heart will travel with three other people, though. In a week or so, a young college student from our area is going to SCH to serve and love.....she's sort of my Christmas gift to them....she is a wonderful Jesus Sister and has a heart for special needs orphans. She will graduate soon and return home but before she does, she will sow seeds of love to the kids and staff at SCH. I so much wish I could go with her.....and then on December 28 my travelling companion Deanne and her hubby are going. Yep. Without me. When they booked tickets as a couple they didn't ask if I wanted to tag along....guess it's kind of a marriage thing.....so. Again. My heart will travel there with them.

Funny thing is, I don't really want to go to India in December. I want to be here, with my husband and children and family and friends and work. I want to sit by my beautiful Christmas tree and enjoy my fireplace and gaze at the backyard birds in the snow. I want to plan meals and parties and swim meets and board games. I want to do family. Part of my family....the 111 orphans (or so) and the staff who care for them....are also my family. I love this ministry so much. It is under my skin. It is in my breath. It is the prayers I pray. Jesus loves these abandoned, broken, forgotten children so much. Jesus longs to heal them and restore them and bring them to love and health and goodness....and I can't separate the Jesus I love, from the orphans I love on the other side of the globe. I'm not going to India in December. Others I love are going and will just have to give a few kisses for me this time. Maybe I can go again soon. I should probably be ready, just in case.

It's December. 2011 is almost done. It's been a really good year for me. I have much to be thankful for. I know God better than I did at the endof 2010. I hope I can say the same a year from now. That's my goal. Do whatever it takes to know God better in the next 12 months. Sounds like a good resolution to me.

December: music....lights....snow....chocolate....gifts....food.....mittens.....sweaters......slippers.....books......fireplaces blazing.....family......baby Jesus in a manger....

2011-12-03T21:40:00.001-06:00

2011-12-03T21:26:00.001-06:00

update

2011-12-02T13:30:00.000-06:00

Jamila's caregiver, Erin, reported to me on facebook 8 hours ago, stating she had not vomitted for a full night and day. That, my friends, is an answer to my prayers.

Another answer to my prayers, is that friends who have been waiting to adopt for months and months are with their little one now, hopefully travelling home very soon if not already. Prayed almost daily for that one.

Third answer to my prayers is that Precious Maryn and Isaac have made a full recovery from their tonsil/adenoid surgeries. We made it through 15 full days without incident. We plan to celebrate with a huge bowl of buttery popcorn after school.

Fourth answer to my prayers is that my church has agreed to allow us to embark upon orphan ministry within the church. We don't know exactly what it will look like, but the leadership has given their blessing and a bit of a budget to start with.....and I am giddy with joy and very proud of my church for responding to God's call to serve orphans.

Fifth answer to my prayers is that I have prayed often and for a long time to feel a sense of deep and abiding joy and contentment. God. Is. Answering. I am physically feeling less worry and stress in my body and more open, warm, peaceful spaces for Him to pour out His joy and I am content most days. I am losing the restlessness and it appears that I am finding myself reflected in Jesus amazing love.

Sixth answer: ran a mile. twice in one week.

Seventh answer: I have struggled with a foot injury since last October. I prayed for healing in August because it was so painful I could barely walk. It's pretty much healed. I felt it for the first time after I sat down.....after I ran that mile today.

Eighth answer to my prayers: well.....I could list them forever but I'll just leave this one blank and urge you to think of a way God has answered your prayers.....and tell Him thank you.

Thank you, Lord.

Christmas shopping

2011-12-01T17:41:00.000-06:00

Our kids are shopping this year. As they get older, it is so fun to share more of the meaning of things with our children. I thought I'd be sad when they grew up, and miss the days when they were sweet and small....but I just love every new thing happening that I barely have a chance to be melancholy for those days. As they get older, its harder to come up with a Christmas list of things they really want and need. They have so, so much. They are still children. They love the presents wrapped under the tree. Don't we all? This year, I'm taking them each out individually to buy gifts for everyone else in our family. That's alot of gifts. Roger and I hung back and didn't take "first choice" on the lists and let them each shop for each other. I'm so glad we did. The 3 big kids are so excited....for what they are giving. My goal is to transition to a deeper understanding of not just what, but why we are giving....as the months and years pass. I want them to really know, and feel (the ache deep in their hearts feel and know) about the giving. Jesus. Jesus gave so much.

I am shallow, petty, worldly. I am weak, broken and flawed. I strive for the high road, the greater things, the Holy Place....and yet I am always down in the mud, just trying to get myself upright again....so I get it. It is a burden to get it, but it is also the truest meaning of Christmas. To fall short. To bow down low. To understand that He came because we just could not get it, make it, do it without Him. So He gave. He gave up Heaven. He gave up royalty and sovereignty and glory......to dwell among us and to feel the skin of humans.

I went shopping, briefly, before Thanksgiving to a wonderful holiday store. I wanted everything in it. I was just mad and sick and crabby because I could afford nothing there. The decorations were fabulous and classy and I wanted them all. I felt so materialistic and inadequate and petty. I couldn't bring myself to splurge because of the gosh-golly orphans. I can't waste money that could feed and clothe and love them. I'm just ruined for them. Funny thing is.....my family....my heart.....my inheritance.....they are THRILLED with our shabby, old, tired, traditional, hand-me-down Christmas decor. They just love it all. They think the house looks magnificent. I'm heading to the kitchen now. I will start cooking pasta and dicing chicken and steaming broccoli for dinner. I will turn on some very old and dated Christmas cd, and sing along and set my table with my every day dishes. I will notice the family picture in the holiday frame....the one we took at the top of the (Sears)Willis tower this summer in Chicago on vacation....and I will feel rich. Gifted. Blessed. Grateful.

I will shop some more. I want to get the kids each a new ornament. They need some new clothes....my list is not done. But with a grateful heart and a joy for the season of Christmas, I will fight against the worldly pull and just do what makes sense and preserves the reason for the season. Jesus....go before me please.

2011-12-01T06:25:00.000-06:00

all or nothing

2011-12-01T06:22:00.000-06:00

I'm not really an all or nothing girl. I can usually handle moderation, compromise, partial satisfaction.....but latey I'm struggling with that. Maybe it has to do with age. I think what we gain in wisdom, as we get older, we lose in resilience. I have some writing I would like to do. Alot, actually, 3 or 4 projects....and I just can't seem to get going. In fact, because I can't get the time carved out, or the thoughts put together....I find I can't write anything. Even the blog has been hard to get to.....so apparently, with writing, it is all or nothing for me. Huh. Guess you can learn new things about yourself each day. It's only 6:12am and I'm learning what a big deal writing is in my life.

Too bad I don't feel that way about exercise or cleaning....I can do a really half-baked attempt at both of those areas of life!

The tonsil kids are pretty much recovered, praise God. Thanks for all your prayers and kindness. We made it through all scary 14 days with no incidents of bleeding or other scary side-effects. We have not tried sharp, pokey foods yet. I'm thinking by saturday I will reward Precious Maryn with chips for the first time. If I can get the happy dance on video, I'll share it. We also had allergy testing done on both kids and Isaac has no allergies, but P is allergic to milk and soy. We pretty much figured that, but it was confirmed. No allergies to pets or environmental agents though, which is nice because if I see just ONE MORE MOUSE TURD in this house....I"m buying myself 2 cats. I'm a grown up and this house is not a democracy. I won't wait for majority vote. Seriously, Roger, I won't wait. You'll just have to smile and say ok. Wooooaahhhh...did I just go on a tangent there or what! Anyway, back to allergies. So, Precious has been drinking mostly pediasure (which has both milk and soy) or lactaid (milk only not the lactose sugar so easier to digest) and I have to try to switch her to almond milk or rice milk. She hates them both. She's two. She also doesn't eat much. Her will is stronger than mine, so I guess we'll just see how this one pans out. For today, because I have a cold and am quite exhausted....I'm going to the store for more pediasure and lactaid and will attempt the big switch another day.

It's December first today. Lets all crack out the advent chocolate calenders, the hot steaming beverages, the Christmas cds. Lets watch the sky for signs of snow. Let's wrap Christmas gifts and plan parties and set out the holiday dishes. Lets buy more bird seed and watch for new birds in the back yard (I saw a monster wood pecker in my feeder yesterday....he was so huge I think he ate the squirrel who was there before him.). Let's feel festive and joyful this month because Jesus really did come as a baby to be born on Earth....to save us from sin and death and hell. He really did. Lets take more than a day to celebrate that. Lets just do it for 25 or so, shall we?

Jamila

2011-11-29T17:58:00.000-06:00

This is Jamila. She is barely 2 months old. She was brought to SCH with the group of kids from the state orphanage this fall. Jamila is just a teenie, tiny, preemie baby. She's barely getting started, folks. Sigh. (my throat is getting tight and my eyes are tearful....)I wish I could just ask for money for Jamila. I bet someone would write a check and cover the cost of something because she is just so sweet and so tiny and so frail. Sigh. (Do you ever just bite the inside of your cheek because you want to say or write something and it just hurts....so you bite your cheek instead? I'm doing that now. Ok, here goes...)

Jamila was admitted to the hospital for vomitting/dehydration/diarrhea....the caregivers, Erin and Cassie, who are doing the hands-on supervision right now, were not allowed to see her in the NICU because of germs, etc. When they finally were able to discharge her and take her home, the condition she was received was appalling. She had lice and scabies and was still deathly ill. My dear, sweet, Jesus sister Erin posted on facebook that she washed her and combed her hair to try to get rid of the lice....and kissed her over and over, even though she knew she could get the scabies or the lice if she did. She did it anyway. She offered loved. And apology. And anger. And righteous indignation that this sweet, dear, precious child of God was entrusted to a hospital that did not care for her. I can see Erin, weeping over this child, aching for her to be well, and whole, and happy.....and having to comb her almost bald, malnourished head to get the lice out....and cleaning up days and days worth of vomit and diarrhea and crying out to Jesus to help her and give her answers and wisdom......

Jamila is still alive. Erin is still fighting for her. I have been praying for Jamila, and for Erin and Cassie, for hours and days....so I'm bringing it up here so that you can help me. Please pray with me, that the care and love and prayers for miracles and for a shift in the heavens will come. Please pray with me that Jamila will turn the corner and start to keep her nutrition in and gain weight and live. She was rejected by birth parents. She was completely neglected by the hospital that was supposed to fix her. Lets just cry out to Jesus and hope for a miracle for her, ok?

I know that the Lord has bent His head over me just like Erin has for Jamila. I know that He has cried over me and "combed the lice from my hair" and contended for my healing. I am better for it. Jamila will be too. Please help me pray.....because Erin is desperate for hope....and because the Lord made Jamila....maybe for just such a time as this.

Dear Santa,

2011-11-25T20:51:00.000-06:00

I am writing this letter to you, Santa, the day after Thanksgiving so that you have plenty of time to look over my list. You will need it. You also may need some time to decide if I have been naughty or nice. If you watch the video between 7am and 8pm, its mostly nice. Anyway, Santa. Here is my Christmas list. Good luck and see you in 4 weeks!

This year, for Christmas, I would like an island for my kitchen. I have very little counter space....and not much for cupboards....and a big empty spot where an island should go. I would also like an Ipad....just because. I would like some new clothes....but could you make them 2 sizes smaller than the ones I have....and magically make my body fit into them? I would like a jazzy pair of black earrings because I don't have any and I have lots of black clothes in the closet. I would like Ugg boots to feel young and hip and stylish....and warm. I would like to start the adoption process again....for 2 orphans from India. A boy and a girl. I always wanted 6 kids, Santa, and this would finish us off nicely. Oh, and could you please open up the legal channels for adoption with special needs kids in India....so that we could get 2 of the SCH kids? Santa....I would like Roger to put this on his list, too. Can one of your elfs move it to his list? Maybe scratch off the flatscreen tv and replace it with adopting 2 orphans....Santa....could I have 2 airline tickets/resort hotel stays in my stocking so that Roger and I could travel together.....The Bahamas would be fine....India would be better. southeast India. Poor India. Hmmmm. What else. Oh, I know. I want to be a runner. Santa, could you make me a runner this year for Christmas? Best wishes....me.

Good-bye

2011-11-24T21:34:00.000-06:00

Good-bye autumn. We've had a wonderful time together. You were here a long, long time. Thank you for lingering. Thank you for sunny days, warm breezes, beautiful colors. Thank you for birds and squirrels and billowy clouds. Thank you for pumpkin spice, apple cider, and all of the ways you appeal to me...I will miss you but I am ready to welcome in the new season. Winter is coming. Winter is dark and cold and ruthless...but it brings many wonderful things. Christmas. Snow days. Hot Chocolate. Crafts. Fuzzy hats and funky boots. Silent snow falls that feel like magic....and worship....and peace. Good-bye autumn. Thanks for a great season.

2011-11-24T21:23:00.000-06:00

2011-11-24T21:22:00.000-06:00

Thankful

2011-11-24T16:48:00.000-06:00

What an important holiday. We are all declaring what and who we are thankful for today and it is so good. We should do this every year....every month, really....even weekly and (dare I say it...)every day? Anyway, it is good exercise to make that list and focus on all that is good and right with my world and yours. I'm glad we make an effort to spend this day with family because it helps us remember who we are and who we came from. It is an important day. Some of my relatives travelled 4 hours just to share a meal together. That is significant to me. My husband got up at 3 AM!!!!! to light the grill and prepare the bird and start cooking. Excessive? Maybe. Extravagant.....for sure. Necessary? Absolutely.

It is important to work hard, to tithe, to give and sacrifice, to exercise, to practice discipline and self-denial in our lives. It is important to remember those less fortunate than us. It is important to not forget the widow, the orphan or the alien in our midst. It is also important to lavish life and blessing and celebration on ourselves...to eat too much because everything tastes so wonderful and looks so beautiful. It is important to watch children dash through the room of seated adults, and run out into the leaves (that we never got around to raking up yet), and to hold the babies and to sit closer to the grandmas and great-grandmas. It is all just so important.

Jesus is for the celebration, the wedding feast, the time to sit and relax and savor moments and people and time. I'm so glad.

Psalm 100

2011-11-20T17:35:00.000-06:00

Verse 1: Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth.

Dear Lord, I hunger for that kind of joy, that no matter if it is morning or evening, I could shout joyfully to you. We shout when our favorite team is victorious, we shout with joy when something amazing happens....and something amazing did happen. You came down to earth. You came from Heaven so that you might know us better and show us what Perfect Love looks like. I want to shout for joy to you, Lord. I want to bubble over with happiness and laughter and glee, because you are Lord. You are the bomb. You are the one. You are who and what matters, in all the earth. My agenda, my hopes, my dreams are just a shadow of yours, Lord. You are what matters. It's quiet and dark and subdued this sunday afternoon, but inside my heart, I can choose to shout for joy to you Lord. In all the earth: in my home, my family, my community. In nature, in world events, in global changes. All the earth is yours. I choose joy to you Lord, not to the earth, but to you. I choose to turn to you and to say "yes" to joy, unspeakable joy, indescribable joy, unsurpassing joy.....because you brought it down when you came. Thank you. Thank you.

2011-11-19T17:35:00.000-06:00

The two patients are doing well. Thanks for all the prayers. This was the night before, so they don't look quite this good right now, but they are doing just fine. We are diligent with pain meds and trying to keep them hydrated and their tummies full. In fact, I just yelled at the boys to get out of here because they are throwing the football behind me and will inevitably break something. Precious decided to practice potty training today. She has impeccable timing. Why today, dear one? She's clingy but otherwise seems unaffected by the week's trauma. Roger and I are tired and glad to be home.

We have friends coming over with supper for a night of distraction, laughter and board games. Thank you all, so much, for loving us and caring about the routine, the typical, the ordinary things of life. We feel quite blessed and loved.

2011-11-15T20:52:00.000-06:00

I know that many children have had routine tonsillectomies for years and years and years. I know that the safest part of their days will be when the anesthetist is controlling their breathing, their sleep state, their awareness. I know that doing tonsil/adenoid surgery will benefit them both for the rest of their lives. I know it. I really do. I have typical kids with typical infirmity....and a clear solution. Praise God it's not worse. It could be so much worse. It's just tonsils.

Here's the problem. I am not a typical mom. I'm just not. I'm that mama bird who goes nuts and flies around in attack mode when there is just a hint of danger lurking somewhere far off. I'm that crazy mama that is a nervous wreck, a bundle of fear, and swallowing panick over this routine procedure. I trust the Lord with my kids. I trust his will, his plan, his provision. I just dread turning them both over to strange surgical staff and then spending days in a feeble attempt at soothing them through painful recovery. I hate to see my babies suffer. I hate the idea of them being scared, in pain, hungry.....

I'm not very strong. Don't tell Precious Maryn or Isaac that. I'll be soothing and cheerful and calm for them. I will reassure them over and over and I will be patient and I will be generous. Years from now if they ever read this, they will laugh and be totally shocked that I was such a basket case before their little operations.